You know that cesspool of incel discussion where “toxic” masculine men supposedly sit in a circle and bash women all day? If we’re talking about the edge of the internet known as the Manosphere, I’m here to tell you that I’ve been there. And it’s not at all what you ladies might think.
Plenty of women’s circles across the web warn unsuspecting ladies about setting foot in these forums. They say you’ll be faced with mobs of angry men who only want you to submit to their will. But when I stumbled into this territory, it was almost the very opposite of what we’ve been told. In fact, there are plenty of uncouth myths about the Manosphere that deserve to be put to rest — because this growing network of men may be the very thing that will actually save what’s left of femininity in our modern society.
First, Let’s End the Toxic Masculinity Myth
We’ve all consumed enough mainstream media to know that masculinity is deemed dangerous. Corporations like to downplay anything having to do with the rugged, honest, manly man in favor of an idealized male who fulfills duties traditionally held by women (i.e. cleaning, childrearing, etc.). And you don’t have to strain your eyes to see how any depiction of men that isn’t soft and gentle is made out to be barbaric. No more men chopping wood or hunting deer because they’ll automatically be categorized with men who are angry and abusive — not fair, in my opinion.
No more men chopping wood because they’re automatically categorized as abusive.
In fact, what I’ve learned from actually engaging with said “toxic masculine” men is that they don’t want to harm anyone. Many prefer to keep their emotions — like anger — in check while favoring logic over feelings. But also, to my surprise, they share this desire to protect a woman’s true nature. Finally, they believe that self-improvement isn’t just for men, that women can also benefit from a healthy dose of reality, so they, too, can be their best selves. What could be wrong with that?
When Dating, Men Favor What’s Logically Sound
My first foray into the Manosphere was on YouTube, as influencers opened up the floor for hearty man-to-man debate. While this “network” tends to be focused on men’s concerns, a very small handful of women — including myself — would tune in out of curiosity. In fact, after watching my first Manosphere livestream, I was hooked. Many gems dropped out of the sky as these men broke down the dating world with concepts previously unknown to me. Having come from a matriarchal family where women were the head of the household, I had only heard the perspective from a woman’s point of view. And if it wasn’t an auntie or a sister, I could depend on Lifetime movies to educate me about the horrors of relationships with men.
But as I quietly listened in these Manosphere chatrooms, the figurative knots in my brain came undone. There were missing pieces to the puzzle, solving one fundamental truth about men and women — that we operate on different, yet complementary wavelengths. This has much to do with how we shape our lives from early adolescence forward. While women lean on their emotions, men tend to embrace life with logic.
Today’s radical feminist would reject the idea that men could have something to teach us. But what she doesn’t realize is that the Manosphere isn’t to be taken personally. These men would rather follow what has logically worked for humanity since the dawn of man. And no matter how many intellectual concepts you throw at him, he’s following laws of nature that, if violated, would bring on a societal collapse. It seems men are hardwired to avoid this fate. I believe they deserve more credit than we give them.
That said, these men commonly ask for one thing and that is the genuine support of a woman. To the woman scratching her head, wondering where the strong male providers are in the dating scene, he’s out looking for someone who will celebrate him, not compete with him.
Masculine Roles Exist (and for Good Reason)
Speaking of biological predispositions, these big, scary, toxic men, portrayed to be abusive misogynists, are only strong and assertive due to their desire to protect what they believe is precious. I’ve listened to enough conversations in the Manosphere to know that this brawniness isn’t just for show or to put on airs (well, at least most of the time). These men take on risky and dangerous roles not because they believe in this idea to keep women down. They do the hard work because they exist to preserve the safety of women and children.
In this arena, I heard many stories from men about their fathers and grandfathers who worked in industrial trades that are rarely entered by women. They spoke of military veterans who risked their lives for their country. I never heard them speak badly about women who participated in these roles, but a point was made that these tough, smelly, backbreaking jobs were almost always undertaken by men who possessed a sense of duty.
Men take on risky and dangerous roles to preserve the safety of women and children.
It’s true that many of these men don’t want to see women working in coal mines. Sadly, some women are indoctrinated to see this as the slap of a dueling glove, a call to compete against the opposite sex in the name of equality. But what these ladies must understand is that this is not “masculine hatred” but historically validated notions that preserve the society we enjoy today. In fact, if women did have their way with the world and were the leading gender in these male-dominated industries, we’d bring the moving earth to a grinding halt. Men, with their logic and natural ability to build, would be left to fix the mistakes left by women who, on an emotional whim and without anthropological evidence, thought they could perform these tasks on a man’s level.
From these discussions, the key takeaways are that men don’t support usurping gender roles to satisfy an ideological proof of concept (because society can’t sustain the risk of such experiments), and that women who seek to embrace femininity must trust the historical proof that some roles are logically and undoubtedly male and female. For the sake of society and our own sanity, these laws of nature can’t be taken personally. Feelings can’t fix everything.
Men Want Feminine Women
After a couple of years following the Manosphere, more women began to join in the discussion. At times these conversations would turn into ample debate — occasionally with the quality of a raging dumpster fire. But for the most part, the Manosphere turned out to be not just for men. At the very least, these communities are open to women who are at least willing to listen and learn about the traditional ideals that are credited for the happy, healthy households of yesteryear.
If you logged onto a Manosphere livestream today, you’ll likely hear men voicing their concerns about the modern woman. (And yes, you’ll find that “manspeak” is harsh and often not safe for sensitive ears.) That said, many of their concerns are valid and speak to why many women are confused in the dating scene. I’ve heard numerous men say, “Gee, I miss when women dressed like Audrey Hepburn,” or “Where can I find a woman like [Insert Feminine Celebrity].” They lament the days when ladies had a sense of pride in themselves and a code of conduct. Many of them sounded defeated and as if they were losing hope in femininity.
These men lament the days when ladies had a sense of pride in themselves and a code of conduct.
So I took this to heart and took it upon myself to bring their concerns to audiences of women who find themselves challenged when interacting with men. What comes to mind are these three pillars of knowledge that I believe will help women be better for themselves and to their potential partners.
Income and education level don’t absolve a woman from meeting a man’s needs. A bachelor’s degree is great, but it won’t necessarily make you a better wife or a better person.
Women are naturally superior caregivers. This shouldn’t be seen as the bane of your existence but as a calling that helps society move forward. The inclination to care for others is not weak or small in value.
When men do meet or marry a woman possessing these qualities, he has nothing but praise for her. At least this is what I’ve witnessed in the Manosphere. Men view a woman who is supportive and kind as anything but weak. In fact, being feminine takes the strength to withstand many things: laziness, apathy, anger, and envy to name a few. If only more women knew how strong they could be.
It’s true, a gender war does indeed exist. To win it requires the desire to know the truth about how both men and women feel about one another. For decades, the mainstream media megaphone has been in the hands of feminist women with their interests put on air for everyone to hear. Sadly, silent for far too long are the men who always and forever deserve a seat at the discussion table. Thus the rise of the Manosphere is necessary and good, and my hope is that this community of men continues to expand and awaken more men and also women who want to restore the rightful balance of masculinity and femininity in our society.
So call me a femcel. Call me a pick-me. But what you can’t call me is closed off to a reality where both men and women have value. I encourage, no, I dare women to tune out their usual female-centric channels and for once listen and empathize with the stories of men who want nothing more than for us all to be better for each other.
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