Relationships

How To Respect Men Without Being A Simp

By Ashley Pariseau
·  6 min read
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Did you think only men can be simps? Think again!

We all know that respect is the foundation on which we build solid relationships. Especially if you're in an intimate relationship, it can be assumed you respect your partner as a human being, but what happens when efforts to show respect go to extremes and fall into simp territory? 

Can Women Be Simps? Absolutely.

A female simp is a woman who puts herself in a submissive position under men in hopes of winning them over without the man bringing anything to the table. She'll do anything for male approval, including throwing other women under the bus or accepting bad behavior from men. She has little to no respect for herself, nor does she accurately discern when a relationship isn't serving her or when it's time to walk away. As you may have guessed, this concept goes hand in hand with Nice Girl Syndrome. Many women eventually find out how easy it can be to blur the lines between showing respect to a man and being a simp. How can you tell the difference? There are a few core principles to consider. 

Respect Is Earned, Not Given

First and foremost, it needs to be thoroughly understood that respect for a man is only earned. It's not demanded unjustly, nor is it given away freely. You mustn't give your respect (beyond the common respect we give to all humans) to anyone who doesn't make the effort to deserve it, and always remember that it's you who gets to decide who is worthy of it.

Listen, but Don't Blindly Agree

Evidence has shown that, in general, women tend to have a more agreeable temperament than men, which is often to their detriment, both professionally and socially. Simp-ish girls are likely to blindly go along with whatever someone says, even if she really doesn't agree, because her desire to be liked overpowers the need for her own voice to be heard. However, this will later come back to bite her. 

The fact of the matter is, you're allowed to have your own opinion because, of course, you are your own person. No one should make you feel like the bad guy if you speak your mind. Every relationship requires you to be open about what you like, what you don't like, what you want, and what you don't want so that you can make sure that you and your man are on the same page. You can listen to your man's point of view, but you don't have to agree or go along with everything he's suggesting. 

Bring Value, but Don't Be a Handmaid 

We've all heard that relationships are a give and take because it's true. In any relationship with someone you care about, it's natural to want to bring value into their life. Regardless of how you contribute to the relationship, you don't want to end up being the one who is doing all the giving. A simp girl will be tempted to act upon his every request, but you need to remember that doing so won't make you look like better wife material. Instead, it will make you look like a desperate pick-me girl who has nothing better to do. You can collaborate with him and bring value to his life, but don't be his handmaid. 

Don’t be the one who is doing all the giving in the relationship.

Spend Time with Him, but Don't Forget about Time for You 

Of course, you want to spend quality time with your man, but that doesn't mean giving up all of your personal time. You reserve the right to enjoy time to yourself and what pleases you, and any decent man will understand that. Making yourself too available is simp behavior because you're throwing away your own personal hobbies, interests, and pastimes to spend all your time with him. Regardless of if you're dating, in a long-term relationship, or married, don't be afraid to make yourself scarce once in a while. Besides, you need a chance to miss each other! If he has a request that interferes with plans you already have, you can politely decline. Even if he doesn't like that response at the time, he will later admire your dedication and fortitude to stick to your plans.

Value Him, but Don't Pedestalize

There's sometimes a fine line between respecting a man and putting him on a pedestal. However, the key difference is how you view him in comparison to how you view yourself. When you pedestalize a man, you’re sending the signal that you believe he’s better than you and that you are of lesser value. This is usually because somewhere in the back of your mind, it's what you actually believe. There's a part of you that thinks he's better than you, and so you idealize and simp for him. If he gets the impression that's what you really believe, he'll start to think less of you as well, and his respect for you will plummet. 

In reality, men don't want you to place them on a pedestal. Men with healthy self-esteem want to be treated like human beings, not superiors, and they want you to have the self-esteem that knows you're worthy of being with him. You can respect him as a person and appreciate the unique value and peace he brings into your life, but you must maintain the mindset and mannerisms that he's not above you.

Closing Thoughts

It's entirely within your control to show a man respect without resorting to simp behavior.  Though the lines can sometimes be a bit fuzzy, one thing that is foundational across the board is having respect for yourself, first and foremost. When you value your time as well as your personal needs and desires, you can still show up and make an effort towards your partner, but without going overboard. You can effectively speak your mind, honor what you need, and put your boundaries in place so that not only are you showing respect for him, he shows respect for you as well, and ultimately, that's what a healthy relationship looks like.

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