She knows she’s a baddie. So does everyone else. But even after catching all the lights with her beauty and brains, she feels alone in the dark when it comes to meeting “the boy.”
“Men are just intimidated by me,” she says to her loyal squad, who tactfully agrees but can’t stomach telling her the truth. And so they reassure their friend of her “queendom” and placate her with pleasantries that only become more bricks in the wall between her and her desire to meet Mr. Right.
A lot of us have been this girl. In all our fierceness, we couldn’t figure out the dating game. But we’re thrown off by statements such as “You’re just too good for him.” The woman who seems to hear these cliché words of advice all the time doesn’t understand that she is the common denominator.
In other words – the root of the problem is within. At some point, it’s not them. It really is you.
Being more approachable is an inside job. It’s not about watering yourself down or becoming someone you’re not. If we want a relationship, we have to work for it by heightening our self-awareness in the following ways.
Lighten Up on the “Resting Bitch Face”
People like to be around pleasant things. It’s just nature. Sure, you might think you have an attractive scowl or smolder, but most people would prefer a smile. I don’t know about you, but I’m not introducing myself to anyone who looks perturbed. Would you? Then look in the mirror and fix the resting bitch face. Like, do it right now.
Our outward appearances reflect what’s going on within.
The usual pushback for this goes like this: “That’s just what I look like.” But little do we realize how our outward appearances reflect what’s going on within. Something is wrong and you can lie about it all day long, but everyone who sees you knows it. Your downward turned lips don’t lie, and you can be assured that the guy you’re trying to attract is reading them.
There are some remedies for resting bitch face that are worth trying. How about going to public outings on your own. (If you want a guy to approach you, don’t bring your squad.) While you’re hanging out at the local cafe, try smiling and making small talk with strangers. If he sees you’re actually friendly, chances are he’ll want to get to know you.
Stop “One Upping” Your Date
Want to know what’s an instant turn-off? Talking about you when someone is sharing their thoughts will make someone cringe, guaranteed. You might think you’re being “relatable,” but it’s still not your turn to make it all about you. Instead, give the other person a chance to ask about you. And if you really want to heighten his interest, take some interest in him and ask genuine questions to get to know him better. You’ll appear more intriguing, and this leaves him asking (maybe even begging) for more of you. So let him tell his story, and he’ll want to hear yours.
Don’t “Knock-em Dead” with Your Dress
The “killer queen” approach is an overplayed hand that often results in wasted effort and no attention points gained. No, you shouldn’t throw your style out of the window in the name of approachability. But there is such a thing as overdoing it with your choice of outfit and makeup, and he can’t reach you when you’re in a full suit of beauty armor.
There is such a thing as overdoing it with your choice of outfit and makeup.
But there’s a way to be casual and chic, I promise. Save the slay for a special night out (together). If he thinks you’re beautiful now, wait until he sees you then.
What Approachability Isn’t
We’ve covered what makes a woman more approachable, but there are some misconceptions that we need to clear up.
For one, it doesn’t mean playing dumb. Never, ever make yourself seem less intelligent than you are. Know that you’re amazing, but also that there’s a time and place for it. A person who is humble enough to let their company shine is worthy of their own radiance. There’s enough room on the stage for you both to play your roles. So be great, but let him be great, too. Let it be a fun fact that you have a degree in psychology. But don’t floss it.
Also, approachability doesn’t mean you should be quiet. This message especially goes out to the extroverted girls among us. Being talkative is not taboo. But do be considerate and aware of when you’ve had the floor for too long.
A person who is humble enough to let their company shine is worthy of their own radiance.
Finally, approachability doesn’t mean catering to a man who is narcissistic and self-centered. You’re not obliged to entertain someone who isn’t taking interest in you at all. Men are just as capable of being unapproachable as women but in their own way, and you don’t have to deal with it.
To my ladies who are at a loss of what to do to win the guy over, there’s certainly hope – and it’s not found in layers of makeup, your master’s degree, the clearance rack, or how much you think you know. Your value runs deeper than what’s on the surface, and it’s time to let those good things about you shine through! (And if he says you’re pretty without makeup, it’s true. Own it.)
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