Looks aren’t everything. This is a lesson we were all taught as young girls and boys.
While this statement certainly rings true many times, it isn’t completely devoid of relevance and meaning. We don’t like to admit it in a woke-obsessed society that rejects the idea of objective beauty, but your looks say a lot about you, your values, and your health. They don’t define you, but your external looks matter when it comes to making a good impression on others and presenting yourself in a way that people will take you seriously in life.
Growing up, I always remember my mom being put together when we left the house. She would always make an effort to look nice; she put on an appropriate amount of makeup, fixed her hair, and wore nice clothes. I have many memories of people staring at my mom, doing a double take, or even flirting with her because she looked so pretty. I learned from an early age that how you look gives a certain first impression, and it’s always better to dress for the job you want, not the job you have.
My Victim Mentality Led to Weight Gain and Misery
I certainly went through a rebellious phase when I was a self-proclaimed intersectional feminist who preached the body positive gospel, and it’s no coincidence that I also shaved half my head, gained 50 pounds, and owned a hideous wardrobe during this period of my life. What changed was my values. I insisted that our societal beauty standards were sexist and harmful. I believed that men were pigs who should learn to behave themselves no matter how women dressed. I even thought that sex work should be accepted into society just like any other normal career. Early childhood educator! Stripper! Both legitimate!
These are precisely the kind of values that force you to blame everyone else for your problems. You blame society for creating unfair standards rather than addressing your unhealthy eating habits and insecurities, you blame men for the fact that you’re single and alone, etc. So instead of doing the hard work to revamp your lifestyle and improve your health, you insist that everyone else needs to change. Naturally someone with this mindset will be overweight, unkempt, and unattractive.
And that’s exactly what I looked like when I was in my raging feminist phase. I swore off makeup because I thought it was just another way for the patriarchy to steal my money. I refused to use shampoo and conditioner; I “washed” my hair with baking soda because it was more “natural.” Needless to say, I was not hot.
Taking Personal Responsibility Made Me Happier, Healthier, and Prettier
Thinking back on those years, I remember feeling a deep sense of unrest, a weighted feeling of insecurity. Finding new people to blame your problems on is an exhausting game to play, and I found myself wishing for an easier, happier life.
Finding new people to blame your problems on is an exhausting game to play.
When I was red pilled and started rebuilding my grasp on femininity and womanhood, I started to shed my androgynous, ratty look. Growing out the half of my head that I had shaved took almost 2 years, but in the meantime I replaced my blue hair (yes, I really had blue hair) with my natural dark brown, I gave up the baggy clothes, and I bought myself some mascara.
Our Appearance Tells the World about Us
One of the most common lessons one can learn when reading history books is that appearance is sometimes everything in political relationships. So why wouldn’t appearance play a significant role in personal encounters as well? The old saying “you can’t judge a book by its cover” is bull crap. Book covers were precisely made to give you a quick, accurate visual summary of what the book is and what it represents. If you think about some of the most beautiful women in the last several decades (Sophia Loren, Marilyn Monroe, Beyoncé ), you probably can’t imagine them ever looking bad in a picture. Even when they step out for coffee they put themselves together and deliver style.
As someone who used to be an editor for women’s digital media publications, I know the type of content that’s shoved at you online at every turn. Women’s magazines encourage you to stay single, dress promiscuously, date multiple men, and not worry at all what other people think because you’re the only one you have to answer to at the end of the day.
The sheer notion of never having to answer to anyone else is the springboard from which many Millennials develop selfish habits and tendencies. “You do, you, boo!” is the new motto. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You rock that crop top. You wear that lingerie. You gain 300 pounds.
The way we act, speak, and dress reflects not only on ourselves, but on our parents, our partner, our family.
But the reality of the world is, our actions always have ripple effects. The way we act, speak, and dress reflects not only on ourselves, but on our parents, our boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse, our family. It speaks to your self-confidence and your professionalism. We should be encouraging young women to present themselves to the world in a way that will honor themselves long-term. That means dressing well and making an effort.
You don’t have to look like Sophia Loren every time you leave your house, but a little lipstick and a pair of kitten heels go a long, long way.