He Checks All My Boxes, But Something Feels Off: Your Gut Knows Better Than Your Heart

The answer lies within: a woman's intuition. There are evidence-based reasons to trust your senses over your fantasy, and here are the steps to guide you there.

We’ve all been in a situation where someone we meet excites us, but something just doesn’t feel right. What could be wrong? He says all the right things, has a promising career, looks like husband material – but something is so off. Meet your intuition. Intuition is the communication stream from your subconscious mind to your conscious body. A woman's intuition is powerful, especially when it comes to love. It’s that little voice within that picks up on the warning signs that are not visible to the human eye, and are further clouded by the desires of the heart. 

The Deceptive “Meet-Cute”

Remember the movie The Holiday? If you’re anything like me, you probably watch it every Christmas season in your pajamas, ice cream in tow. It’s a rom-com classic. Well, that’s where I first heard the term “meet-cute.” Arthur, Kate Winslet’s elderly neighbor, explains that a meet-cute is when two characters in a movie meet in an unexpected way, one that brims with serendipity and romance. It’s basically what I expect to happen when I meet my future husband – or so I thought.

My meet-cute happened at church. I went to a service I don’t usually attend, and only a few other young people were there. On the opposite end of my pew sat a handsome, magnetic young man. We made eye contact and smiled coyly at one another. After church I went back to my car, only to see that same young man seated in his – parked right next to mine. I got in my car and became flustered when I noticed that a large SUV was blocking me from behind. I felt the young man’s eyes on me. I turned to him, and he rolled down his window to ask if I needed help backing out but “only if you give me your number first.” He said this with doe-like eyes, that adorable smile…I practically melted. This was it. This was my meet-cute. He was my Jude Law. I had officially entered my fantasy.

He took me to lunch on our first date. As I sat across from him, I noticed something about him was not like how I remembered him from that evening at church. There was an arrogance about him…he appeared blasé and made a few comments that, had it not been our first date, I could have sworn he was insulting me. These suspicions gave me nerves in my stomach, and I felt uneasy. But he was so handsome, and we did meet at church after all. I told myself those were butterflies…but they were more like a hornet's nest. 

Your intuition is there to protect you and steer you towards what’s meant for you.

I continued to date this man, all the while ignoring my intuition and waiting for him to prove my inner voice wrong. Sadly, he did not prove me wrong, and I ended up in a world of heartache. I then vowed to never betray my intuition again, and educated myself on why this is so vital – especially when it comes to love and dating.

Tap into Your Intuition in 3 Key Areas

Intuition has been labeled a superpower because we don’t have to work to acquire it; it lives naturally within us. The only work on our part comes from cultivating our ability to listen to that inner voice. Clinical psychologist Kristen Hick, who specializes in dating and healthy relationships, suggests we pay attention to these three areas when tuning into our voice of reason:

1. Feeling: Take a moment to sit with yourself and note how you’re feeling physically and emotionally. The greatest sign our gut is communicating something to us is magnified through how we feel. Are you nervous or uneasy? Does something not feel right? Take care not to brush these feelings off – they’re trying to warn you of something.

2. Consistency: Do his words and actions align? Does he cancel plans, run late, or make you feel you need to “win” at holding his interest? Do you have a sense that you can trust this man, or are you skeptical of his true intentions? Consistency is key. Something will consistently feel off if he is indeed not the man for you.

3. Time: As you get to know him better, are you filled with reassurance – or do you feel like there is something he’s just not telling you? Time is a major player when listening to your intuition. If the troublesome concerns dissipate, maybe it was just healthy skepticism. On the flip side, if the concerns increase and your internal pangs deepen – that is not a good sign.

“People rarely change in profound ways. They show you who they are, even when they may be trying to present or act differently. This is the under-the-table information which your internal compass picks up on fairly easily,” says Hicks.

Unfortunately, our desire for love can overshadow our better judgment. Hick says, “My clients’ guts were leading them in the right direction. For some, they just didn’t know how to decode the feeling. But in most cases, they were able to do this easily. The problem was, they didn’t really want to know what it was telling them. They wanted a different answer.” Similarly, I didn’t want to be right about the man from church, so I gave him more chances…until I was hit with the bitter truth. This man was not looking for commitment, he saw me as a challenge – it was all a game to him. But, to me, it was a chance for something real. Something lasting. And I was crushed.

Listen when your intuition tells you who is wrong, so you’ll be available for the one who is right.

This truth is bittersweet. On the one hand, it’s a comfort to know that we have this internal compass, our intuition, that guides us to the right outcome. Unfortunately, what our intuition tells us may not always be the answer we were hoping for. How many of us have been so excited about a date, maybe we went out and bought a new outfit, dedicated time to our hair and makeup, only to go on the date and feel a sinking feeling within? We realized he was not the one. We’re disappointed, let down. How many of us have then tried to rewrite the story in hopes of a better outcome? (*virtual hand raise*)

That Inner Voice Knows More Than We Realize

In cases like mine, where we let time go on despite the ever-growing internal alerts, this self-betrayal can actually turn into a physical illness. I left the man from church for a time, and felt like myself again. When I decided to give him one more shot, I promptly broke out in a full-body rash and managed to get two types of eye infections in each eye (didn’t even know that was a thing) – all within a few days. My intuition was trying to rescue me, but I wanted to write my own narrative – and I wanted it to be a love story. 

I have learned that there is hope beyond the heartache. It’s never too late to utilize your intuition, regardless of how loudly your fantasy might try to drown it out. Your intuition is there to protect you and steer you towards what’s meant for you. Do you also long for that chance encounter, that perfect meet-cute? It’s not far out of reach. You’re not silly to dream that way – you’re inspired and romantic. The best way to make that dream come to life, I have found, is to listen when your intuition tells you who is wrong, so you will be fully available and ready to recognize the one who is right.

Closing Thoughts 

Love, the right love, will find its way to us. We won’t have to force it. We certainly won’t have to compromise who we are for it. The right love will be intentional with your heart. With the right man, we will laugh, feel joy, there will be no need to play games – and inherently, we will know. There will be a sense of peace and safety within. In his presence, we feel at home. This love is worth waiting for. We need only use our inner compass to guide us there. I believe the man waiting on the other side is better than my fantasy. What’s more? All of the pain and heartache we experienced from the wrong men will take on a newfound purpose – we will see that it led us to him.

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