Relationships

An Open Letter To My Ex: Thank You For Leading Me To My Husband

By Sabrina Kosmas··  5 min read
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Dear Maverick,

It’s me. It’s been a while, so this probably feels strange to be hearing from me after all this time, but you just randomly came across my mind, and as I was thinking about you, I realized that I owe you something that I never thought I would – a massive thank you!

I’ll be honest, I never thought I’d be saying thank you to a guy who treated me the way you did. Saying thank you to someone who called me the names you called me. Who tried to control me the way you tried to. Who worked so hard to make me feel less than. Who even gave me an ultimatum between you and my dream internship across the country. Giving me that choice was the best thing you could have ever done for me – and choosing a summer in Washington, DC was the best choice I ever could have made.

I remember that summer so vividly. It started with tears rolling down my cheeks as I held my head down low, trying not to make eye contact with anyone in the terminal before I boarded. I couldn’t stop listening to song after song that reminded me of you as I kept reliving what had happened in my head and questioning my decision. So much time, energy, and emotion were spent on this relationship, but surely there is no way someone who loved me would give me an ultimatum.

I was angry at you for treating me poorly, but I was even angrier at myself for letting you. 

Thankfully, there was something therapeutic about that cry in the airport because it was the last cry I ever had over you. I had nothing more to give. I’ll spare you the details, but after the most impactful, amazing, and single summer of my life, I returned to college ready for the most impactful, amazing, and single year of my life. As I sat there writing a paper late one night, I heard a ping from my Facebook to find a message from an all too familiar account saying hi… After months and months of not hearing from you, I was shocked and had so much to say. I started typing away at how terrible you were and how incredible my summer away was. Everything I could think of to get a reaction out of you. I remember typing it all out, and just as I was about to hit the irreversible send, I stopped, took a breath, and hit delete instead.

I had to ask myself, why would I respond? There was no way I would ever get back together with you after months of reflecting on how you treated me. Granted, I was angry at you for treating me poorly, but I was even angrier at myself for letting you. I had no intention of being friends with you. After all, we had never been just friends in all of the years that I had known you, and quite frankly, I had enough friends. So instead, I deleted your message and moved on. Little did I know that I would move on and meet the love of my life, my future husband and father to my son, just one week after pressing delete on you.

Now, let me be clear, after the damage you had done, I had no intention of seriously dating anyone for a long time. At least not until after college because I felt like I had already missed out on so much of my experience because of you. I had just had the best summer of my life, spent on countless dates and flirting the days away in happy hours around Capitol Hill. I felt so wanted yet I wanted no one and that felt even better…until Nick.

I needed someone who let me have my independence and wasn’t threatened by time apart.

When I met Nick, I quickly realized what I wanted and, more importantly, what I needed in a partner. I needed someone patient. Someone gentle with their words but fierce with their actions. I needed someone who could respectfully disagree with me. I needed someone who would never call me a name in a moment of frustration or raise their voice at me. I needed someone who let me have my independence and wasn’t threatened by time apart. Who respected and appreciated that I had my own friends, my own hobbies and interests, and quite frankly, my own life that they could be a part of and vice versa. It’s been 11 years, and we still never run out of things to talk about, and I’m convinced that this is why.

I needed someone who shared a close relationship with their family like I did and knew the importance of quality time with them. My husband and I still, to this day, get made fun of because of how many “fam pars” (a.k.a. family parties) we attend on the regular, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Ultimately, I needed someone who shared my values. Nick was everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend and now husband. He is not the loudest person in the room, which I’ve come to realize makes him one of the most secure and confident. He is a man of quiet strength. I hate to break it to you, but he is essentially the antithesis of you.

So, thank you, Maverick. Thank you for showing me exactly what I needed. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have my husband, my son, or the life that I have now. For that, I am forever grateful.

Sincerely,

Sabrina

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