Dating is incredibly difficult these days, and I mean this for both men and women. There are many individuals who don’t even meet their potential partner in person first anymore; in fact, over 300 million people worldwide use a dating app to meet someone. Yet, how can we blame anyone for downloading Hinge or Bumble when no one ever wants to interact with strangers anymore? And even though I'm a woman, I can definitely admit how difficult dating is for men. Women want to be approached, but if they don’t like you, some of them will automatically think you’re creepy if you try. Of course, there are definitely ways you can come off as being “creepy.” Catcalling, overtly sexual comments, and coming off too strong are all examples of poor behavior that tend to scare women away. But what happens when women have expressed their disgust for men so much that other guys have become scared to respectfully approach someone they’re interested in?
How To Not Come Off As Creepy
One psychologist named Mark Travers interviewed Austin-based dating coach Blaine Anderson. According to Anderson, many clients have reached out to her expressing their fear of approaching women due to being seen as “creepy.” But what does that mean? What behaviors are considered “off-putting,” and how do men know what’s typically okay and what’s not when it comes to dating? For a while now, "creepiness" has been quite unclear to many men, giving them a looming sense of social anxiety that keeps them from conversating with women.
Travers was determined to find answers, and he conducted a survey of 2,000 American women between the ages of 18 to 40, as well as 1,000 men from the same age group. His findings were incredibly eye-opening:
About 82% of women said that they experienced creepy behaviors from men.
44% of men said that their fear of being seen as creepy has reduced their likelihood of interacting with women, and that number increases to 53% in single men.
Lastly, these are the nine behaviors that men should avoid to not come off as creepy: "(1) staring, (2) unwanted contact on social media, (3) inappropriate comments, (4) controlling behaviors, (5) won’t accept 'no,' (6) unwanted physical contact, (7) pressure for sex, (8) clinginess, and (9) physical stalking."
Both Men and Women Should Be Conscious of How They Approach Each Other
Let's address this issue. Lots of men might see women as a whole as "toxic" or "cruel," and that's simply not true. This kind of generalization actually hurts both groups. Sure, some women can be unnecessarily harsh toward men. Some of them are eager to assume guys are being creepy even if they're genuinely being nice. Narcissism is rising in America, and people are becoming less empathetic, leading to a larger population of meaner women and men. Still, that doesn't mean there's a shortage of women who want to be pursued. However, men also need to understand why some women see guys as "creepy."
Growing up, we've had to remain alert and vigilant of our surroundings due to years of being cat-called, assaulted, harassed, and hurt by men. There are women who are walking around with their trauma, and their initial gut reaction may cause them to see most men as an automatic red flag. I understand how incredibly hard this makes dating for both genders. But because both adult men and women are essentially carrying hurt from past relationships, it's important that both groups remain conscious of how they approach each other. Men should approach women in the proper place and time with respect and confidence since some of them will be more than willing to listen. Likewise, women shouldn't be too quick to judge a man's character. Single women may need to lower their standards a bit, especially if they're being unrealistic.
Now, let's talk about meeting people online. Social media has enabled men and women to meet online without having to fear rejection in person. At the same time, young people are actually leaving dating apps, so there is a possibility that people will go back to the more “human” way of finding a partner. With this being said, men must approach women by being more gentle, not being inappropriate, pushy, or persistent. If you're a guy and you get rejected, remember that it doesn't define you as a person. As for making a good dating profile, make sure you’re selecting a good photo of yourself and a specific bio that shows your niche interests.
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