Guys Got Honest: What Makes A Girl Instantly Unattractive?

Recently, Reddit user thenamestilly made a post crowdsourcing answers to the question: “Boys be honest, what makes a girl instantly unattractive?” Suffice it to say, there was a goldmine of straightforward answers from guys about the exact behaviors that some women do that they consider major turn-offs. So without further ado, let’s take a look into my major findings from this thread and get the brutally honest truth about what behaviors guys dislike.

Lacking Social Awareness

One of the biggest red flags for the guys was if a girl isn’t mindful of her presence in public. Look, the choices we make when out and about in public can really affect others around us, and in the eyes of onlooking guys, traipsing through life as though your choices don’t really matter can be pretty unattractive.

“A few weeks ago I sat on a train and this gorgeous woman sits down opposite of me. 2 stops later, a lot of people get on the train and people have to stand at this point. And she actively makes sure her purse is taking up the entire seat next to her,” said Reddit user DaPino.

Another user redletterday94 shared that he especially notices this type of behavior when women primarily focus on themselves in conversation. “Was talking to a girl a few months ago, and it eventually just kinda hit me just how much she talked about herself or would steer conversations towards herself and her problems,” he said.

Easily one of the most obvious examples of lacking social awareness is unnecessarily creating a mess that other people have to clean up. Reddit user amitybeast shared that he thinks littering makes girls instantly unattractive. “Had a girl throw a bag of trash out of my passenger window while taking her home. She called me a ‘tree hugger’ when I called her out on it,” he said. Another user redditdejorge chimed in to agree and state how it takes “zero effort to not litter.”

Playing Too Many Games

I don’t know who taught us that playing mind games was somehow a winning flirting strategy, but according to guys, it’s definitely not. Playing hard-to-get or emulating the theatrics from your favorite drama series might actually turn men off!

“Hurting others to make yourself feel better is wrong regardless of your gender, anxieties, or past traumas,” expressed user cml33.

Another user GoFunkYourself13 shared his skepticism about when a woman flirts with every guy. “If you're trying to make me jealous/think that you could have any guy at anytime; congrats, it works, I'm out,” he admitted. Another user Msaiks agreed, saying that it doesn’t make him jealous at all; instead, it makes him less interested.

One other game that the guys pointed out, which you might innocently play, is being a bit wishy-washy or non-committal about plans and decisions in general. User SlickMaestro stated that girls who never stick by their words come off as unattractive. “‘Teehee I'm not hungry’ proceeds to eat half the plate ‘I don't care where we go for dinner, you pick!’ actually cares and judges you for it [...] It's not a quirk, it's annoying,” he shared.

Similarly, user Ohgodgethelp shared a recent anecdote about non-committal behavior that destroyed a first date. “She said she wanted to meet up at 3:30 for food and maybe a beer. 3:30 rolls around, I call her to tell her I'm picking her up. She says she's not ready. At 4 she tells me to go ahead and go to the diner myself and she'll meet me. So I go on. 4:30 she's texting me about stuff, says she's not ready yet. Getting clothes on still. About 4:45 I decide f*ck it, I'm already out of the house, I'm going to walk around to some of the other bars. I text her and tell her to let me know when she's on her way because I might not be sitting there. I'm about to give up and go home and she texts me and says she's nearly there at 5:15 or something, so I go back to the bar. She shows at 5:45. I literally walk past her as I'm leaving to go home. This isn't some woman I know really well, it was a first date. As far as I can tell from what she was saying over text she was late because she was playing with her blog,” he recalled.

Unconditionally Putting Yourself First

Self-confidence is really important, but according to the guys, there’s definitely a difference between having faith in yourself and having too much pride. User NotTheNacho shared that the “queen bee/bad bitch mentality” makes a girl instantly unattractive. Another user Affectionate_Emu4964 expressed a similar sentiment, pointing out how much he dislikes when women hate on other women because tearing someone else down doesn’t make you look good and can actually backfire on you.

Then, there’s the behavior where a woman might expect other people to cater to her every whim, which user ThremboIF called the “‘you have to work for me’ attitude.” Relationships need both parties to put in effort, so if there’s a major imbalance, you might turn a guy off.

“I feel like its spread rapidly through social media under the guise of empowerment and people just go with it,” shared user SonHyun-Woo. Another user goodgodzilla explained further by noting how entitlement can reach into many areas of a relationship, whether it’s finances, empathy, working together as partners, or even your sex life.

When explaining where he thinks this behavior stems from, user malint pointed out how entitled behavior might begin in childhood but have lasting effects in your adult life, including coming off as unattractive to a man. “The reason for this being a problem is that if they are showcasing entitled behaviour in adulthood that means they were not taught properly as a child. They now only get by on good looks or whatever. They never learned how to not be selfish, to think of others, to not get what they want. And now if you want a relationship with that person you have to take the burden of teaching them or leave them. Most commonly the relationship will fail because they will put their own wants before your needs. It’ll be brutal I can attest,” he admitted.

That said, guys don’t actually seem to mind acting chivalrous for a woman if you just ask in the right way. “‘Will you make me a drink please?’ 100% success chance ‘Make me a drink.’ 0% success chance,” clarified user DesertGoldfish.

Mistreating Others

Ever heard of the restaurant test? Reddit user ShotFish7 brought up the concept by explaining that mistreating waitstaff at a restaurant makes a woman less attractive to him. User DodoBird1992 broadened the concept by pointing out how unattractive it can be if a woman treats animals, waiters, service workers, or retail store clerks badly.

"’You can easily judge the character of a person by how they treat those who can do nothing for them’ - Some old time dude, debatable who exactly first said it,” said user zigs.

Mistreating others can have a major effect on how the people in your life perceive you, and according to the guys, being fake towards others can as well. “Especially being super nice in person and then talk[ing] sh*t behind their back all the time with nothing good to say,” said user Mooaaark.

Another user Arrow_Riddari added to this idea, pointing out how he thinks the self-love movement might be behind this unattractive behavior. “Self love means taking care of yourself. Take a mental health day to relax. Take a bath with candles or something. Have a fancy meal. Get a massage. Basically treat yourself every once in a while. Not be a d*ck,” he stated.

Lacking an Interest in His Life…or Life in General!

While you don’t necessarily need to be well-versed in international politics, the guys shared that they found it unattractive when a woman seemed uninspired and uninterested in what’s going on in the world. Instead of calling women like this “shallow,” some of the guys explained that they think the behavior is being “fundamentally incurious.”

“An ex of mine certainly is not shallow or vapid, but her disinterest in the world was a significant drain on my interest in conversing with her,” shared user Allan512.

Another group of guys called this behavior “willful ignorance,” like user ChronoLegion2, who shared how he thinks it’s all too common despite us living in the age of instant access to endless information.

“People who don’t want to learn new things or have new experiences because they are comfortable with their own narrow world. They resist change and experience and knowledge because it makes them uncomfortable,” user Joygernaut said, explaining what he considers to be willful ignorance.

This behavior trickles into more than just being worldly. Being willfully ignorant can apply to your own hobbies or the interests of the guy you’re in a relationship with. One user friendly_extrovert shared a full anecdote about a first date gone bad because of this. “I’ve known girls like that and sometimes they end up having personalities, but most of the time they’re just shallow and bland. I went on a date recently and the girl was just so…boring. She literally had no life, no goals or aspirations in life, and wasn’t super interesting to talk to. She didn’t seem to have any friends, hobbies, or career goals. She didn’t even really keep up with world events. I really have no idea what she does for fun outside of her part-time job. Our date lasted like an hour and a half, and it was one of the longest hours of my life. By comparison, I recently went on another hour and a half date with a friend that actually has a bit of a life and it felt like 10 minutes. We literally lost track of time because we were having so much fun,” he said.

Relying on Social Media for Gratification

In the current year, it’s pretty common to use social media as a tool for work. You might be an artist who gets more commissions when you regularly share your designs on Instagram, or you might be a writer (cough cough, couldn’t be me) who tweets out links to your articles for greater reach.

That said, the guys gave an overwhelming no to women over-using social media and relying too heavily on having a constant presence. User ThatSICILIANThing shared an anecdote about this behavior. “I had a friend like this (emphasis on HAD) and she wasn’t even an influencer, just extremely vapid and self-centered. She would legit text me and tell me to like the picture she just posted. Not even an organic conversation, just text me out of the blue ‘go on ig and like my picture’ and then keep following up to see if I had liked it yet,” he recalled.

“You can run social media pages without being obsessive and on it 24/7 or having everything you do be ‘for the 'gram.’ There's really no grey area, it's a pretty clear distinction,” said user Vio94.

When explaining why he thinks women over-utilize social media to unattractive levels, user ForumFluffy explained that he thinks it stems from vanity and thinking too much about outside perceptions. “I'm fine with moderate social media use as a time killer but not consistent posting and if considerate effort goes into their social media personality then it can be worrying,” he shared.

User Painting_Agency had a really interesting take on this topic, bringing up an answer he had read in a Reddit AMA about if someone would date a woman who had an OnlyFans account for people to follow. “That commenter was not so much put off by the sex work, but said that it's almost impossible to have a relationship with someone who's always attending to their social media,” he pointed out.

Getting Too Much Work Done

In the past, I did a little experiment with my guy friends to see if they could detect plastic surgery and cosmetic procedures on a woman and determine whether they thought tweakments made a positive or negative difference on a woman’s face and body. Verdict? Subtle procedures and tastefully done work were no biggie, but glaringly obvious changes based on trends were unattractive. Unsurprisingly, many of the guys in this Reddit thread expressed similar sentiments and got really candid!

“I can't stand clown/duck/fish lips. Quickest way for a beautiful girl to turn herself into trailer trash who looked like she sucked on an exhaust pipe. It's an absolute shame. The feeling is like when you see one of those tragic news stories of a beautiful girl who got hit by a car and they died far too early,” said user DaManJ about lip filler.

Another user KenzoAtreides pointed out he thinks that obvious usage of lip filler can make a woman’s lips look swollen as if they’re having an allergic reaction. On the flip side, user TWINFALLSGH explained that he thinks properly done lip filler can actually look good on a woman.

“Any obvious plastic surgery is a massive turnoff. If you had a nose job that makes your nose look a little different while still looking somewhat natural, that's fine. But lip fills are a big nope,” confessed user Significant-Funny-14.

Not Letting Go of Your Ex

Finally, one of the other major behaviors that the guys thought makes a girl instantly unattractive is not being able to let go of her ex-boyfriend or other past relationships. It’s all well and good to be transparent about things that didn’t work for you in the past to avoid problems in the future, but according to the guys, there’s a fine line. “Constantly talking about an ex, even in a derogatory manner. Let it go,” said user JasonPassley. 

Another user Ripley825 shared an anecdote about a female friend he has on Facebook who constantly makes social media posts about her ex-husband, allegedly to the tune of six posts a day with actual screenshots of texts. “The divorce was finalized a while ago but she still talks about him non stop and posts motivational memes for divorcees then goes back to rants. Idk man. I rarely get on Facebook these days but when I do my feed is flooded with just her posts about it,” he said.

“I have a friend that has been divorced for 20+ years and she still can't stop talking about her ‘was-band.’ Unreal. Majorly annoying,” shared user CaterpillarNo2943 about how he thinks it’s unattractive when women can’t let go of grudges.

Closing Thoughts

So, based on these guys’ answers, how should a woman act? Well, it would appear that being more graceful, patient, self-aware, humble, down-to-earth, inquisitive, and forgiving would be major personality traits that give guys green flags. But remember to take all of these answers with a grain of salt because people can say anything on the internet when they aren't being judged in person themselves.

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