The femininity trend has made its rounds, and that’s great and good. But I have a few fundamental issues with the growing notion that being a woman is about looking good and feeling good while avoiding the virtues of being and doing good.
There’s no shade to be thrown when it comes to improving our physical appearance. But that should come as a result of bettering ourselves at the core of who we are. “Girliness,” in and of itself, is not a goal. And since makeup can only fix so much, let’s talk about what fake femininity is and how to avoid false notions of what it means to be our best.
There’s Nothing Pretty about Being Passive
Some women have gained this idea that it’s appropriate to bottle up our thoughts and feelings. Meanwhile, we begrudgingly put responsibilities on our plate that we’d rather not have. This means we put more on our plate at the office (while complaining about it later), then accept that new friend’s dinner invite when we’d rather turn in for the evening. Then we go home and stay up thinking about a guy who already missed two dates and takes forever to text back — all while wearing a cheesy grin on our face.
This is a classic case of passive aggressive behavior. While it’s not a mental condition, this is often the reason why many ladies feel used and abused. Passivity is often wrongfully linked to femininity because some women get the notion that we’re traditionally supposed to be accepting of everything that comes our way. This is hardly true. Being feminine never means lying to ourselves or others about what we want and need. It never means going through the motions only to blow up at our friends and family later. And it shouldn’t mean leading a guy on only to turn him down.
Being feminine never means lying to ourselves or others about what we want and need.
The passive woman is the type of woman who is Miss Independent, juggling the woes of the world while taking too little time out for herself. Eventually collapsing under the weight of her own passivity, the brazen Boss Babe accepts feminist viewpoints about the world being too hard on women when it’s she who is being too hard on herself.
On the contrary, the truly feminine woman is a direct communicator. Everyone knows where she stands. She has carefully crafted her own style and knows how to respectfully accept and decline requests. When it comes to dating, this woman knows her “type” and can approach these men with confidence in herself and what she has to offer. She can do all things willingly without there being a time bomb of repressed emotions waiting to explode. Most importantly, she doesn’t hide a forked tongue behind a gorgeous smile. Instead, she speaks her mind with grace and honesty, putting the people around her at ease. And yes, she can say “no” without being considered aggressive or angry.
Makeup Can’t Cover Up Bad Manners
There’s much to be said about looking our best. I mean, who doesn’t want to have a show-stopping wardrobe, great hair, and flawless contour that celebs would envy? It’s true that having great style makes a fabulous impression, but how much do women think about how we’ll be remembered?
This is where manners matter. Because as everyone at the dinner table is admiring your lovely new lash extensions, they’re cringing at how you lashed out at the wait staff. That said, being social goes beyond catching all the lights. It’s about taking interest in others and building relationships. And if you’d pay more attention to your guests than your lip gloss, you could learn something new that could broaden your horizons or even spark new opportunities and ideas.
Being social is about taking interest in others and building relationships.
The worst case scenario would be to only focus on our own beauty and satisfaction while lacking interest and concern about others. This is what it means to be shallow. Eventually, this lack of manners will lock a girl out of social circles that could have been of great benefit, leaving her all dressed up with nowhere to go. Humans are absolutely social creatures, and making good with the people who are in our lives is an important priority for the feminine woman.
Generosity Is Our Greatest Gift
Many women in the femininity circles talk much about what they deserve. They wax poetic about their laundry lists full of requirements for the men in their lives. They want him to earn six figures and be six feet tall, but can’t name six things that she herself has to offer such a guy.
That said, the conversation around femininity shouldn’t be solely centered around what we get. It should primarily be focused on what we have to give. In fact, generosity is the one factor that helps a woman stand out, especially in today’s dating scene.
And we don’t have to look too far for examples of this generosity. Just think about our mothers or even grandmothers and great-grandmothers. When we’d visit, we could rely on that bowl of candy or that batch of freshly baked goods to greet us every time we arrived. We could always go to her when we needed something stitched back together or a tricky stain removed. Women of yesteryear were known for being resourceful, at the ready whenever we needed her. This generosity is what drew us close to her and, in turn, it brought her great joy to know that people admired her work. She gained great fulfillment and pride in making others happy, a feeling you can’t buy at the department store.
No matter her skill or ability, everything she touches, she makes better.
The feminine woman understands this feeling. Creative and handy, thoughtful and caring, she turns mere scraps into a beautiful quilt, or simple ingredients into a delicious meal. No matter her skill or ability, everything she touches, she makes better. With a supportive and willful attitude, she becomes beautiful beyond what the eyes can see.
I commend and congratulate any lady who is set on her journey to femininity. This path is best understood as a reconnection to our natural instinct to love and care for others while making the world around us more beautiful than we found it. And while it’s perfectly okay to work on ourselves from the outside (because great hair, skin, and fashion do matter), true beauty starts inside and blossoms out. So first, let’s plant the seeds of good womanhood within.
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