Can We Stop With Celebrity Hall Passes?

Quick, think back to your first celebrity crush. You know the one – you were probably about 10 years old, and you were surprised by the butterflies you suddenly got from the mere sight of the strapping, young actor on screen. We’ve all had a meaningless little crush on a movie star, singer, or athlete, right? There’s nothing inherently wrong with a young kid or teenager thinking that Glen Powell is handsome or that Zendaya is beautiful . After all, it’s no secret that many of the top celebrities are very pretty people, held up as a standard of physical attractiveness and charisma and appeal. Not to mention, we’re hardwired to react to beauty. But somewhere along the way, actively having a celebrity crush crosses out of cute territory and into strange territory. As we get older, more mature, and begin to have real-life romantic relationships of our own, having a full-blown celebrity crush comparable to the one we had as young, hormone-ridden teens begins to feel a bit odd – inappropriate, even. When a 14-year-old girl and a 30-year-old woman have the same reaction to seeing Robert Pattinson in Twilight or Henry Cavill as Superman, there might be an issue of maturity that’s worth investigating. Taking this a step further, though, is where things get into really tricky territory. Going beyond just thinking the leading man in that new movie is cute and allowing our minds to see him as a “hall pass” is where things can become truly problematic, especially if we’re already in a committed relationship. What is a hall pass, you ask? Allow us to explain. What Is a Hall Pass? A hall pass is, put simply, the celebrity with whom you would cheat on your spouse. It’s a celebrity crush on steroids. This is how a hall pass works: One spouse grants the other permission to hook up, guilt-free, with a specific celebrity, should the opportunity ever present itself. After engaging with their hall pass, their unfaithfulness would be pardoned by their spouse, as if the tryst had never happened at all. Obviously, the grand majority of us will never meet celebrities aside from spotting them in public by chance and possibly asking for a picture. Even more unlikely than that is being offered the opportunity to have some kind of physical relationship with them. The reason some couples might allow each other to have a celebrity hall pass is due to the unrealisticness of either one ever actually “redeeming” their hall pass. It’s all abstract to them. For this reason, hall passes are often presented as harmless , being a risk-free way you can interact with a fantasy. Since the hookup will presumably never come to pass, it’s seen as a “no harm, no foul” situation. But are hall passes really all that innocuous, or are there potential issues that might arise from one or both spouses having a celebrity hall pass? And if so, what exactly are these issues? Having a Hall Pass Isn’t Advisable Hall passes aren’t as benign as we may have been led to believe. They aren’t a meaningless fantasy that will have zero effect on our relationship. They actually have the power to wreak havoc on a relationship’s foundation and breed insecurity, jealousy, and dissatisfaction. Sure, the likelihood is that you wouldn’t actually ever meet Jacob Elordi and that he wouldn’t actually invite you back to his place even if you did somehow strike up a conversation with him, but whether or not you would ever “use” your hall pass isn’t really the issue. The problem lies in the fact that by naming a specific celebrity as your hall pass, you’re actively feeding and entertaining feelings and sexual interest for someone other than the person who has already committed to you. This creates insecurity in your boyfriend or husband, for one. It plants the seed of “I’m not enough for her” in his mind, which will take deeper root every time he sees your hall pass pop up in a movie or on his scroll through TikTok. Imagine, if you will, your husband telling you that should he ever have the opportunity to spend a night with Margot Robbie, he would need you to be cool about it and permit him to. Now, imagine how it would feel every time you happened to see her – how the mere sight of her would affect your self-worth, emotional security, and ability to believe that your husband truly wants you and only you. Not to mention, Barbie would be ruined for you, which is tragic all on its own. Hall pass talk also makes light of and even romanticizes infidelity , which is a deeply painful and destructive act that many relationships never recover from . It treats cheating as something that’s entirely reasonable and understandable – yes, even if the hall pass would never be acted on anyway. The sentiment is still present. It could cause the other person to question if it wouldn’t ever happen because their spouse doesn’t actually mean it or simply due to a lack of opportunity. Aside from that, cheating isn’t a laughing matter. It’s embarrassing to be the person who was cheated on, and it’s shameful to be the person who did the cheating. While it’s true that some couples choose to stay together and work through the pain of unfaithfulness, infidelity is still one of the leading causes of divorce. “In my personal and professional opinion, when you invite infidelity into your relationship, it can potentially create conflict. Relationships are complicated alone, so there’s no need to add further possible drama to it,” says Dr. Darren Moore , LMFT. Lastly, it encourages a game of comparison between your husband (a man you know intimately) and a celebrity (a man you only know a version of). Because you’re well aware of your husband’s faults, suddenly your hall pass will look more and more enticing – because you don’t actually know them as a person, but only as a figure without any shortcomings. You’ll watch a curated, rehearsed interview with your hall pass and find yourself wondering, “Why isn’t my husband like that? Why doesn’t he dress like that? Why doesn’t he look like that?” Let’s Leave Hall Pass Discussions in the Past With this in mind, it’s time we leave hall pass discussions in the past. Sure, it can be fun to talk about different celebrities with your girlfriends over a glass of wine every now and then, and it’s even okay to register one of these celebrities as attractive – pretty people don’t cease to exist once we’re in a relationship. But if you’re dating or married, there’s a difference between acknowledging a movie star’s attractiveness before getting on with your life and fixating on their attractiveness and allowing yourself to take a special interest in him. While one says, “Yeah, he’s a good-looking guy,” the other says, “He’s so hot. Hotter than my boyfriend.” And if you’re not the one who’s taken or married in this discussion? We’d suggest not encouraging this kind of talk with a woman who is. It might seem like a silly, fun question to break the ice, but it’s essentially asking her who she finds attractive enough to be unfaithful with. Imagine a rowdy group of guys asking a married man which young starlet he would want to hook up with, and suddenly, it doesn’t feel like such a harmless question. How To Respond If Someone Asks Who Your Hall Pass Is What if you’re not even the one who started the discussion in the first place, though? What if someone else asked you who your celebrity hall pass is, and you’re not sure how you should respond? You don’t want to be rude, but you also aren’t interested in engaging further. There are a couple of ways you can move forward. First, you can shut down the conversation. You can kindly say you don’t have a celebrity hall pass and that, seeing as how you’re already in a relationship, you don’t occupy yourself with thoughts about other men, even if the chances of ever meeting them are low to nil. But if you don’t want to completely shut down the conversation, and instead reply more lightheartedly, you can name your husband as your ultimate “hall pass,” with a little wink. Obviously, since you’re already together, this isn’t the answer the other person is looking for, but it’s one that lets them know that you only have eyes for one man and not to pursue the subject further. Closing Thoughts Entertaining a celebrity crush can make for a delicate situation all on its own, but naming a specific celebrity as your hall pass crosses into new, ultimately damaging territory for a couple. Not only is it unhealthy to let yourself imagine a dalliance with a man other than the one you’re committed to (however unrealistic it might be), it invites insecurity and makes light of infidelity. Support our cause and help women reclaim their femininity by subscribing today.