Ask Alison: Etiquette Rules That Make You Instantly More Elegant

Being elegant isn’t about wearing pearls or memorizing old-school rules, it’s about knowing how to handle modern life with poise. From host gifts to hard conversations, these etiquette tips will elevate your presence instantly.

Q: What’s the etiquette for showing up to someone’s home—do I always need to bring a gift?

If you’ve been invited into someone’s home, whether for dinner, a weekend visit, or a casual gathering, showing up empty-handed can come across as a little thoughtless, even if your host would never say so. You don’t need to bring a grand gesture, but a small, gracious token is always a lovely way to acknowledge someone’s time and effort.

That said, there are exceptions. If you get together with a close friend weekly for takeout and wine, no one’s expecting a wrapped gift each time. You also don’t need to bring something every time your girlfriend hosts book club or Bible study. But those “everyday” hosts? They’re often the ones who deserve a little extra thought, especially around the holidays. A handwritten note, a small seasonal gift, or a hostess treat is a kind way to say: I see you, and I appreciate you.

For bigger moments—dinner parties, weekend stays, or milestone celebrations—bring something thoughtful, not extravagant: fresh flowers, a candle, your favorite chocolate, or a bottle of wine (if appropriate).

The heart of etiquette here is simple: show up with gratitude. Whether it’s something in your hands or something you say, let your presence reflect your appreciation.

Q: What’s the etiquette around dating multiple people at once if I’m not exclusive with anyone yet?

As long as you're being honest and respectful, dating more than one person at a time isn’t rude; it can actually be wise. Early-stage dating is about discovery: figuring out what matters to you, how you feel around different people, and whether your values align. You’re not making promises, you’re gathering clarity.

The key is transparency. If someone asks if you're seeing other people, answer honestly and kindly. Something like: “I’m getting to know a few people, but I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you.” You don’t owe everyone your entire calendar, but leading with integrity always pays off.

The real etiquette test? How you exit things. Don’t ghost. Don’t breadcrumb. If it’s not a match, communicate that clearly and kindly, just like you’d hope someone would do for you.

Dating doesn’t have to feel like guesswork. This Evie article on forgotten dating etiquette is a gentle reminder that timeless courtesies are still relevant, and often the most attractive.

Q: What’s the etiquette for texting friends back when I’m overwhelmed, but still love them?

Friendship isn’t about replying in under three minutes or sticking to the same response time cadence throughout all seasons of your life. But it is about mutual respect and communication. If you’re in a season where you feel stretched thin, give yourself permission to take a breath. You don’t need to keep up the same texting cadence for the rest of your life.

That said, try to keep the people who matter most to you in the loop. A short, sincere message goes a long way in making someone feel seen:

“Hey! I’ve been super underwater, but I saw your message and wanted you to know I love you. I’m going to catch up soon, I’ve just needed a little breathing room.”

This shows care, even when you don’t have the bandwidth for a full conversation. It also reminds your friend that they’re valued, and gives them a chance to support you through a heavy season.

Also, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s okay to have seasons where you are less on your phone. Thoughtfulness doesn’t require perfection. It’s more about intention. 

For more on pacing and tone, check out Evie’s full guide to texting etiquette.

Q: What’s the kindest way to correct someone who mispronounces my name or uses the wrong title?

Correcting someone gently and graciously is not only okay, it’s respectful to yourself and helpful to them. Most people want to get it right, they just need a little nudge. 

If someone mispronounces your name, try a warm, clear correction that puts everyone at ease, and try to do it as early as you can.

If someone calls you “Mrs.” or “Ms.” when you’ve earned the title “Dr.,” you can correct them kindly and confidently:

“It’s actually Dr. [Last Name], but I know it’s an easy one to mix up.”

Or:

“I actually go by Samantha, not Sam, but I totally get how easy it is to shorten it.”

If it’s a title (like calling you “Mrs.” instead of “Ms.” or assuming you’re a doctor/lawyer/not one), gently clarify without making it awkward:

“I go by Dr., not Mrs., but I appreciate the formality!”

You don’t need to over-explain or apologize. The way you carry yourself while correcting someone—calm, kind, and clear—sets the tone. Etiquette isn’t about pretending nothing happened; it’s about choosing how you respond with grace and self-respect.

And if you’re wondering what that kind of emotional maturity can lead to, Evie’s guide to healthy romantic relationships paints a hopeful and practical picture.

If you have a question for a future Ask Alison segment, kindly email info@elevateetiquette.com.

Alison M. Cheperdak, J.D., is the founder of Elevate Etiquette, a consultancy where she teaches modern manners in a gracious and grounded way. She is the author of a forthcoming book, "Was It Something I Said? Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life."