10 Things All "It Girls" Have In Common

Everyone wants to be an it girl. But how exactly do you become one?

By Hana Tilksew4 min read

We all know what the attributes of an “it girl” are: magnetic confidence, undeniable radiance, and success in every aspect of her life. But while recognizing her is easy, becoming her is a whole different ball game. It requires vision, discipline, and stamina. The transformation may not be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.

They’re Selective with Their Company

It’s often said that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And it’s true – your circle has a huge influence on you. We adopt the attitudes, values, and habits of the people we surround ourselves with. If the circle you choose is high quality, you’ll absorb their high quality traits. But if you spend the majority of your time with people who are less than exemplary, some of their worst characteristics might bleed into you.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be friends with someone just because they don’t have it all figured out yet. But you should ask yourself what kind of effect someone else’s company has on you. If it’s not a mutually positive, uplifting, and inspiring relationship, you might want to think twice about giving this person unlimited access to you.

They Keep It Classy Online

It can be tempting to treat social media like a diary and overshare to the extreme. Getting likes, clicks, and engagement on our posts is an addictive source of short-lived dopamine, and sometimes, we’re willing to sacrifice our dignity to get it. On the other extreme end of the scale, there’s more social pressure than ever to “flex” an unattainable image of wealth, beauty, etc. Between these two camps of people, a third category stands out: the unbothered it girl.

The it girl doesn’t emotionally depend on social media for validation, and she also doesn’t feel the need to prove anything online. She’s tasteful about what she chooses to share and what she keeps private. “My happiness doesn’t depend on social media feedback,” Gen Z’s favorite it girl Sofia Richie Grainge once shared in an interview. That’s what makes women like Sofia so magnetic – they just live life in a way that’s true to themselves without feeling the need to divulge or perform.

They Walk in Gratitude

Sometimes, we come across someone who seemingly has it all but is miserable regardless. Chances are you walk away from this person feeling pity instead of inspiration. That’s because it’s not the circumstances of someone’s life that make them admirable, but the attitude they carry themselves with.

The coolest girl you know isn’t someone who wallows in the pits of despair every time something inconvenient happens to her. Rather, she has the uncanny ability to find the silver lining in everything. That’s because the it girl’s confidence doesn’t hinge on external forces. Because she stands firm in who she is, she knows she’ll be okay no matter what life throws at her.

They Present Themselves Intentionally

You can’t completely control what other people think of you, but you can definitely encourage their opinion in a certain direction. While your life shouldn’t be ruled by what people think, let’s be real: Being perceived positively by others can open major doors in your life. Minding your appearance, the way you speak, and your overall aura can help you create the best impression possible.

Old Hollywood it girl Marilyn Monroe was a master of presentation – so much so that she could "turn on” her movie star persona at the snap of the finger. When you’re lacking in confidence, slipping into an alter ego can really do the trick (at least, until you develop real confidence to replace it with). What is it they say? Fake it ‘til you make it.

They Floss Daily

I know what you’re thinking. Is this Evie or an email from my dentist? But you might be surprised to learn that a cleaner mouth isn’t the only benefit of sticking to a consistent flossing schedule. Scientific studies have found that dental hygiene is directly correlated to gut health, and gut health is correlated to, well, everything – from skin clarity to hormonal balance and beyond. Hot girls floss!

They Own Up to Their Mistakes

Being able to admit your own wrongdoing is a sign of maturity. An it girl puts her pride aside when she realizes she’s let someone down. After all, we expect other people to do the same when the roles are reversed. So why withhold an apology from someone who deserves it? While the thought of owning up to a mistake may be nerve-wracking, you’ll walk away from the situation knowing you at least tried to do the right thing.

They’re Not Afraid To Stand Alone

Ask yourself, which one is the it girl most likely to be: the trendsetter, or the trend follower? An it girl follows her own intuition instead of someone else’s agenda, even when it’s not the popular thing to do. While it may be tough to stick to your convictions instead of following the crowd, you’ll be the last woman standing when the dust settles.

They Put Others at Ease

At its core, etiquette isn’t about knowing how to set a fancy table or sit like a lady; it’s about showing consideration to others. Social scientists have found that high EQ (emotional intelligence) is just as important in predicting long-term success as high IQ. And it’s obvious why: being in tune with the emotions of others makes you a more likable person to be friends with and to do business with. People with a calming, welcoming energy are always the most unforgettable.

They’re Always Learning New Things

Whether you dropped out of high school or graduated top of your class from an Ivy, there’s always more to learn. The it girl cares about the world she lives in and wants to discover as much about it as she possibly can in a single lifetime. She’s curious about everything: people, culture, society. That’s why she never loses her zest for life. When you’re always learning, you can’t get bored!

They Allow Others To Shine

Part of being an it girl is naturally attracting attention, whether for your beauty, accomplishments, or aura. But if you can’t handle someone else being in the spotlight, it doesn’t matter how hot/smart/funny you are, because a key ingredient in the it girl formula is modesty. People hear the word “modesty” and may immediately associate it with covered-up fashion, but defines modesty as “freedom from vanity [and] boastfulness.” 

A truly modest it girl doesn’t need to be the center of attention all the time or go around thinking that she’s better than everyone else. When her coworker gets a promotion, she doesn’t pout about how she’s more talented than them. If her crush ends up dating someone else, she doesn’t whine that she’s prettier than the other girl. Someone else’s win is never your loss. The it girl knows that, and instead of being spiteful about other people’s successes, she cheers them on.

Closing Thoughts

Becoming an it girl means demanding a lot from yourself. It’s not actually as easy as our favorite it girls make it look. But if you’re truly committed to leveling up, you can totally transform your life by starting with yourself. Remember: All change begins within.

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