Men’s dating game seems to be getting lazier…and we’ve been making excuses for them.
It’s hardly groundbreaking to say that the culture of dating is constantly shifting. A century ago, exchanging love letters was all the rage. In the 1950s, a young man would ask a woman out on a proper date, possibly even bring her flowers. Today, especially after being locked up for the better portion of the past year, we rely pretty heavily on our phones to connect with other singles, whether through dating apps or social media.
Overall, getting a date these days has become relatively easy, with our phones doing most of the legwork of finding a match for us online. We’re able to sift through potential matches, exchange flirty messages with a cute guy, and lock down a date without even having to change out of our sweatpants.
Along with this development has been a push for young women to take the reins when it comes to dating — to pursue the guy, plan a date, or keep the relationship moving forward. We’re sold the idea that becoming the active pursuer in our relationship is not only empowering for us, but will help us find a man who isn’t threatened by a strong, assertive woman. But is this approach actually helping us, or is it just allowing men to get lazier?
Passiveness Does Not Equal Confidence
With culture’s push to empower women by way of encouraging them to become more aggressive in the dating game, we’ve come to perceive any guy who happily accepts this style of dating as being an ally of female empowerment. We interpret a guy’s passiveness as being confident enough in himself that he’s happy with a woman calling the shots.
We interpret a guy’s passiveness as being confident enough in himself that he’s happy with a woman calling the shots.
There’s an element of truth to this — a man shouldn’t feel emasculated if we text him first — but often enough, this only enables a guy to take the easy way out, putting hardly any effort into wooing us, impressing us, coming up with fun dates, or making us feel special, all in the name of female empowerment.
By completely taking on the burden of pursuing a guy, we’re letting him coast through the relationship without investing any of his time or energy, all while investing all of ours. This sets the tone for the rest of the relationship, making it our responsibility more often than not to breathe life into the relationship.
The Lines between Girlfriend and Mother Get Blurry
Whether or not a woman is yet, or ever, a biological mother, it’s in our nature to nurture those around us. It’s not an accident that so many young, childless women refer to themselves as cat moms, or even plant moms. There’s something innate in us that drives us to nourish and cultivate life — and far too often, we exercise this inclination in our romantic relationships to an unhealthy extent.
It’s one thing to lovingly help our guy out; it’s another thing to let him behave like a child.
We’ve all seen that cringe-worthy couple: the girlfriend who caters to her boyfriend, drives him everywhere, whips up every meal he eats, and dutifully picks up his socks for him, effectively acting like his mother. It’s one thing to lovingly help our guy out, since relationships require sacrifice and acts of service. It’s another thing entirely to let a guy get away with behaving like a child, thinking of ourselves as an attentive girlfriend, when really we’re just dating a spoiled little boy, not a man.
Lazy Guys Can’t Act Like Partners
The beauty of a healthy relationship is the balance it offers our lives. When we’re in a mature relationship with a man, we have a life partner to navigate life’s ups and downs with. We should expect to be treated as an equal, but also that he’s capable of taking care of us and shouldering the extra burden when we’re in a vulnerable spot — women like feeling taken care of.
A lazy guy doesn’t see himself as our partner, but instead, as our responsibility.
A lazy guy can’t ever offer this to us. He depends on us entirely to keep the relationship going, to support ourselves without his help, and to continue tending to his every need and desire. A lazy guy doesn’t see himself as our partner, but instead, as our responsibility.
Getting sucked into a relationship with a lazy guy will never end well. Ultimately, we’ll feel bitter, like we wasted our time, and taken advantage of.
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