Your Guide to Writing Love Letters, From First Date to First Baby

Carey and Marcus met as kids at Bible camp. There was an instant connection. "She still has the journal entry from the day we met …," Marcus recalled on the SmartLess podcast. What started as a happenstance encounter at a Christian summer camp led to a pen-pal friendship. They exchanged handwritten letters to stay connected. But over time, they lost touch. Then, many years later, Carey was at a Laura Marling show where Mumford & Sons was also on the bill. Marcus recalled her reaction that night: "Oh, Mumford. I knew a kid called Mumford." Then it all flashed back. Marcus Mumford, the lead singer of the folk band Mumford & Sons, was her old pen pal. Immediately after the show, she left a note with the band's tour manager with her email address, and the rest is history. After years apart, actress Carey Mulligan and singer-songwriter Marcus Mumford reunited and fell in love. Today, the couple have a strong marriage and kids. But it all started with a chance encounter at camp and a pen-pal correspondence. Pen Pals Are Back Put down your phones and pick up your pens; letter writing is back. And in a big way! Across the country, pen pal groups are forming to connect people through long-form communication. Recent reports show renewed interest, particularly among younger people seeking connection away from screens. The era of doomscrolling and quick texting is officially declared dead, in favor of true, thoughtful connection. The era of doomscrolling and quick texting is officially declared dead. TikTok groups, in-person gatherings, even friend circles, stationery swapping, and the return to letter writing are taking hold. Kiki Klassen, who founded the Lucky Duck Mail Club in 2024 and now mails to more than 1,000 subscribers across some 36 countries, told Fortune , "When I sit down, I'm forced to reflect and choose my words carefully … It also lends itself to vulnerability because it is easier to write down how you are feeling. I've had people write me back and I've cried hearing so many touching stories." But pen pals aren't just for strangers or friends. As Carey Mulligan and Marcus Mumford's story confirms, the art of letter correspondence can lay the foundation for a deep, meaningful, romantic connection. Why Letters Are Surprisingly Romantic Our daily practice of rapid communication has dulled the romance of letters. But now, there's a light peering through, and we could be seeing a resurgence in personal romantic writing. "ILY," "Omw," "Wyd," or even the dreaded "U up?" texting has sucked the soul out of romantic communication. Intentionality, suspense, thoughtfulness, something tangible to keep: that's what letter writing once offered lovers. The wait and anticipation built the romance, built the longing. Today, everything is immediate and abbreviated, to our detriment. But we don't have to settle for that. For every stage of your love, there's a letter just waiting to be written. Dating: Write to Know Each Other Is there anything more attractive than receiving a fun, flirty letter from your crush? I think not. Sure, his handwriting might be a little lacking, but to see his interest in you, his humor, or even his deep thoughts put down on paper and delivered right to your mailbox, there's something incredibly special about that. When you're dating, it's imperative that you get to really know and understand what inspires, motivates, drives, and even irritates your significant other. Make the beginning of your relationship something you can revisit and remember forever. This is an exciting time of exploration; focus your letters on thoughtful, open-ended questions. Maybe even deep confessions: "Three things I haven't told you yet" to clue them in on how you think and what's important to you. Once you've been dating for a while, set a letter-writing date to separately write down "The Story of the Night We Met." Do this separately, then mail them to each other. Open each other's letters together and see how your stories compare. It'll be insightful to see what sticks in each other's minds, and now you both have keepsake letters. Engaged: Write to Ignite Each Other Being engaged is easily one of the most exciting times of your life. But let's not kid ourselves; it can also be one of the most stressful times of your life. The wedding planning must get done, but if you're not careful, the flurry of logistics can rob the romance of the moment. If there was ever a time to log your feelings and anticipations of your soon-to-be marriage, it's here. One of the most meaningful practices and lifelong tokens of affection you can create is a private wedding-day letter. This is something you can both hold on to forever. Each of you will write a letter to one another describing your hopes, your fears, what you never want to change, how you hope your lives will grow in five years, and how excited you are to see them at the other end of that wedding aisle. Send them via mail carrier (pigeons, pugs, people, whatever works). And each read your letters as you get ready for your big day. Save them and read them aloud every anniversary, marveling at how your lives have grown together and changed for the better. Married: Write to Reclaim Your Connection This season of your life may be the most important time to connect on paper. The days can be intense; family and work needs are immediate. Sometimes you don't have much left in the tank, or your social battery is completely depleted. I find that when words fail and energy is low, writing even a one-sentence penciled note of affection packs so much impact. My husband and I have a special note exchange. It's not mandatory every time, but sometimes when I travel for work, I'll scribble a goofy pun or an "I love you" or one of our inside jokes on a scrap piece of paper and leave it under his pillow. When I get to my hotel room, oftentimes I'll open my suitcase to find a scribbled love note from him as well. It takes a few seconds and costs nothing, but it means everything to us. We're short on time and energy but big on making sure the other knows we care. One of my personal favorites is writing postcards. Whether you travel for work or down the road and over a county line, find a postcard at your airport or gas station. Write a fun, brief love note, stamp it, and mail it to them. With Kids: Write to Establish Your Family's Legacy When you have kids, it becomes even more important to capture memories. Writing letters and journaling together is a great way to establish your family's unique history. Your kids will cherish this for the rest of their lives. There are wonderful journals that let you write down the specifics of your family vacations, giving you the chance to paint a picture of your family adventures for them to revisit as often as they like. But if you want to focus on reclaiming your personal connection, a fun way is to write "I Saw You" notes. Not in a stalker way, but in a deeply romantic way. "I saw how hot you looked when you were doing our daughter's hair in pigtails." Or "I saw you take the trash out for me today; it means a lot. Thank you." And short notes of encouragement go a long way. "I know this is exhausting. I'm still glad it's you." Sometimes the goal isn't a grand romance but just letting them know you see them and you have their back. Love Is a Letter Away Maybe the most romantic thing we can give the person we love isn't more access to us, but something worth waiting for. So put down the phone, pick up a pen, and let a little mystery, anticipation, and yearning back into your love story , because sometimes love is just a letter away.