Women Are Cheating More Than Ever In Relationships—Here’s Why

Most women are taught, from the time we can remember, that keeping a guy’s eye from roaming is next to impossible. We’re instilled with the idea that far too many men are cheaters, and the likelihood that we’ll date one is high enough that we should always be suspicious. This notion is reinforced by the countless songs about a woman scorned, discovering her man had been unfaithful (“Before He Cheats,” anyone?), with endless movies and TV shows depicting a scumbag husband having an affair with his assistant, and even with real-life stories of female celebrities’ husbands getting caught with a mystery woman at a club. Obviously, the unfortunate truth is that a guy who cheats is hardly uncommon. One study found that 46% of male respondents admitted to having cheated on a significant other in the past, while another study found that 20% of married men are unfaithful at some point. These odds are certainly too high for comfort. But with all of our focus on men’s infidelity, it’s easy to forget that women actually cheat as well – and at higher rates than we’d guess, too. Some researchers say that over the past few decades, the number of women cheating has gone up over 40% , and some even say that young women are getting closer to cheating as often as their male counterparts. But this doesn’t line up with what we’ve always been told about men and women: that men simply aren’t “naturally monogamous” (and therefore will be the ones to cheat) and women are – that women want nothing more than to get a ring on their finger and get the guy to commit for life. So why, then, do some women cheat? It Could Be Due To Low Self-Esteem When many of us imagine someone who cheats, we might imagine someone who’s overly confident, self-absorbed, and cocky. We think of someone who only ever takes what they want into account, thinking their desires are the most important thing. We imagine someone who flirts unashamedly and is always seeking the next thrill. But some women who cheat don’t fit this mold. In fact, a leading reason that women cheat is due to low self-esteem. Maybe she doesn’t believe she’s attractive or valuable, so she seeks out attention from other men in order to validate herself – because getting validation from her boyfriend or husband isn’t enough to satiate her endless need for it anymore. She doesn’t believe she’s valuable, so she seeks attention from other men to validate herself. Of course, this understandable struggle is not one that should be dealt with by looking for attention outside the relationship. Instead, it should be addressed by working through this struggle, possibly by enlisting the help of a professional counselor. She Might Feel Unloved by Her Man Sometimes, a woman’s reason behind being unfaithful has less to do with an internal struggle with herself and more to do with what she feels she isn’t getting from her boyfriend or husband, a relationship where we’re supposed to be met with tangible affection, love, and desire. But maybe her man has been working longer hours and paying less attention to her; maybe she can’t remember the last time he did something romantic like plan a date, get her flowers, or kiss her when she didn’t expect it; maybe she’s been feeling like he took her for granted and wasn’t trying in the relationship anymore. Feeling unloved, unpursued, and undesired by our man is damaging to the relationship, and ourselves. But the best way to handle this predicament is to communicate with him about what we feel we’re missing, offering him a chance to work on the relationship with us – rather than engaging in behavior like cheating, which will not just multiply the relationship’s problems, but will cause him severe psychological damage. Or She Feels Lonely and Emotionally Neglected It’s hardly uncommon to come across a woman who complains that her husband is practically devoid of emotional intelligence, leaving her to deal with her inner world and struggles completely on her own. Sure, they’re technically together every evening, but he never wants to know what she’s thinking about, never asks probing questions, never makes her feel less alone – he even brushes her feelings off. She’s starving for emotional intimacy, which should be a significant part of any romantic relationship. So she decides to find someone who does (or, at least, she feels does) want to know what’s going on in her mind, who cares, who’s a friend to her, who she feels she can talk to for hours. In her mind, he gets her (and wants to get her) on a level that her husband just doesn’t. She’s starving for emotional connection, so what likely starts out as an emotional affair ends up becoming a physical affair. A significant part of any romantic relationship should be emotional intimacy. We need to share more than a mutual physical attraction for a relationship to last. However, having an affair to find emotional connection is the worst thing we can do for our actual relationship, the place we ought to be working to foster more emotional intimacy. A few ways to begin to cultivate this in a relationship that’s lacking it is to set an example for him by initiating the type of connection we’re craving from him, initiating technology-free conversations, and taking interest in a hobby of his that we’d previously brushed off as silly or unimportant. Closing Thoughts Men and women each have their own motivations behind cheating, but the result is the same – having an affair, even if we feel we have reason, is destructive to our relationship, our significant other, and ourselves. Don’t miss anything! Sign up for our weekly newsletter and get curated content weekly!