Relationships

Witty Comebacks For Those Rude Questions You Get Asked At Parties

By Jessica Marie Baumgartner
·  8 min read
Witty Comebacks For Those Rude Questions You Get Asked At Parties notting hill

You get dressed up. Step out to have a great time. And then get grilled about your life.

Some people are like walking aptitude tests. They just can’t help but ask personal questions we may not be ready to answer. Instead of getting defensive or upset, the best way to have a good time – and still address the elephant brought into the room – is to respond with a funny or witty reply. Because sometimes, humor is the only available coping mechanism. So here are some fun comebacks to those rude questions that make you want to hide behind the food. 

"Why Are You Still Single?"

how are you still single

Variations: Where is your boyfriend? Have you been seeing anyone yet? Gone on a date recently? You here alone?

Women have been asked this question for eons. I imagine that cavewomen mothers developed language just so they could ask this very question. 

Whether you want to get married or just find someone to love or not, having a friend or family member ask why you’re single doesn’t help. It serves as a reminder of your status and how some people are still stuck on appearances over reality. So here are some fun responses to try out, or mix up with your own flavor:

  • I’m saving myself for a serial killer. 

  • I’m plenty to deal with, imagine how I’d be if I had another half.

  • Just haven’t found the right alien yet.

"Why Don’t You Have Kids?"

why don-t you want kids

Variations: You know where babies come from, right? Why don’t you want kids? When are you having your next kid? When are you going to stop having kids? 

Couples beware. This question is a bomb that just might make you explode. 

Even in today’s age, everyone expects couples to have at least one child – whether they want to or not. The decision to devote your life to each other instead of adding offspring is very personal. On the flip side, couples who are experiencing fertility issues may be suffering physical, mental, and emotional trauma

This question should be outdated, but alas, it’s not. So if you’re about to cry or lash out, take a deep breath, maybe sip some water, and laugh it off (if you can):

  • I thought I’d kill a few more houseplants before I have a baby. 

  • Do you really want more versions of ME running around?

  • Too busy plotting to take over the world. 

"How Much Was That Gift?"

the office present cost

Variations: What did you spend? How much did that set you back? Was that on sale?

It’s supposed to be the thought that counts, but price tags sometimes get mentioned and discussed. This can lead to some serious anxiety or a feeling of being a lesser person if you have a tight budget. 

Volunteering how much you spent on a gift is just as rude as asking. Unfortunately, there are some people who just don’t get that. So you can offer them answers like:

  • Everything this time of year is a priceless symbol of peace and love. 

  • Adjusted for inflation, probably about as much as I spent on my entire family last year.  

  • More than if I’d have regifted what you got me last year. 

"Is THAT What You’re Wearing?"

ugly sweater

Variations: You DECIDED to wear that? What kind of an outfit is that? That’s an interesting look…

A classic overbearing mom comment, plenty of us have heard this, especially from older women. Sometimes we need the reality check because we’re pushing the boundaries between trashy and classy. Other times, jealousy or difference in taste is taking its toll. 

However it comes about, this question can shatter your confidence. It at least makes you look at yourself with more scrutiny, and if it’s asked in front of others, it can be oh so embarrassing. But that embarrassment can be transformed into a laugh by responding with wit:

  • It was this or sweatpants. I can change into the other if you’d like?

  • I’ll just spill a drink on myself soon anyway, so yeah.   

  • Are you offering to sponsor my next shopping trip?

"When Are You Going Back to the Gym?"

Variations: When are you going to lose weight? Did you go up a size? Do you have any fitness goals for the New Year? 

Most of us gain a few extra pounds this time of year. It’s what I call my “winter weight.” But when people point it out – at a party, no less – it’s just not nice. The struggle to balance health and wellness is tough enough without people overtly questioning you. For these individuals, you have to stand your ground and really muster up some courage. Be bold. And be YOU:

  • Just after I eat a few more pounds of sugar.

  • I’m just trying on the extra curvy look. 

  • Why? Are you offering to pay for my gym membership?

chandler skips the gym

"Who Did You Vote For?"

Variations: You didn’t vote for that candidate, did you?  

There was once a time when asking this was a huge no-no. Discussing religion, politics, and money in social settings was considered rude. It still is to some of us, but since everything has been hyper-politicized, avoiding this question is near impossible. 

The problem is, if you’re honest, at least someone in the room will have something negative to say about your personal vote. Who cares about freedom of thought? Some people really think it’s their duty to sway you and will never learn to respectfully agree to disagree. These responses are designed just for them:

  • Don’t remember. I just showed up to get a selfie with my sticker. 

  • Pepsi. Got tired of Coke. Definitely not challenging enough. 

  • I almost wrote myself in but then I feared I might get stuck with the job. 

cant vote for yourself leslie knope

"What’s Your Political Affiliation?"

Variations: Are you a democrat or republican? Are you conservative or liberal? Are you still _____?

Again, this question is rude and divisive, but unavoidable in some settings. Many of us have friends and family who pick sides and battle each other so strongly that you can’t even talk about loving pie without them making it a competition. You love pie? Why don’t you like cake? What’s wrong with cake? Cake is moist and fluffy and comes in many flavors. How dare you not like cake! 

wrong-opinion

It’s absurd. So much so that you may as well have some fun and laugh a bit: 

  • Pineapple. I’m definitely a strict pineapple on pizza activist.

  • I’m for any party that isn’t currently in control. House parties are my preference though.

"Are You Vaccinated?"

Variations: Are your kids vaccinated? Which brand of vaccine did you get? Did you get a booster shot yet?

Here’s the doozy. The whopper. Vaccines as a whole weren’t such a big deal even just a couple of years ago, but the Covid era definitely did a number on people’s perceptions of health and medicine. 

dont even ask

Whether you’re vaccinated or not, you have a right to keep your medical business private. For people who refuse to understand that you can test these little responses out:

  • Against what?

  • Depends on how many boosters you count. 

  • Do you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? After last year, it’s just as valid a question.

Real Exit Strategies

Popping off a joke or two might ease you, but it might not always release the tension of others. Being tactful enough to know when to tone it down or walk away makes for a better party. On the other hand, if this person has a track record of asking you rude or invasive questions, you can respond with “Why do you ask?” or “Why would you ask that?” in a polite tone of voice to put the pressure back on them and hopefully stop the conversation in its tracks. 

If the conversation is just unbearable, here are a few exit strategies that may help you out:

  • Agreeing to disagree and/or changing the subject should be attempted if things get too heated.

  • If the first strategy doesn’t work, draw other, more neutral people into the discussion. Or better yet, someone even more opinionated. 

  • Excuse yourself to refill your glass or get a snack. If walking and talking, veer toward the punchbowl or snack table and get yourself a refreshment. 

  • If all else fails, excuse yourself to the bathroom. It’s a win/win. You can get away AND make sure your hair looks great.

Closing Thoughts

Parties are more plentiful this time of year, but so are overly intrusive questions and statements (mainly from pushy family members). Even so, we can’t control our crazy aunt who just doesn’t know when to quit or keep our best friend from blurting out things. 

Having fun comebacks for prying questions can lighten things up, but if they don’t work then simple exit strategies are a lifesaver. We can choose to laugh and find good humor in awkward situations instead of falling prey to argumentative stances, but that is ultimately up to us. 

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