Why I Left Scientology

I didn't enter Scientology as a lost nobody looking for relevance. I entered as a driven, faith-raised woman searching for truth, healing, and purpose. I was raised Christian. I loved Jesus. And Scientology told me I could keep Him.

That lie kept me inside for fifteen years.

By the time I left, I had donated nearly two million dollars. I had given my time, my labor, my voice, my platform, and my influence. I had lived at the Celebrity Centre in Hollywood for years, trained at the highest levels, and become one of their most visible success stories as a successful actress and singer.

My face was everywhere. Posters of me lined Scientology churches. I was used as proof that it “worked.”

And on the outside, it looked like it did.

During my years inside Scientology, I reached career heights most artists only dream of. I walked the Grammy Awards red carpet multiple times. I had Billboard number-one hits. I appeared on countless national and international news outlets. I was visible, successful, and influential.

And Scientology took credit for all of it.

Every achievement was attributed not to God, not to talent, not to perseverance, but to auditing, donations, and loyalty to the organization. My success became propaganda. My life became marketing.

What no one saw was the cost.

The Machinery Behind the Curtain

Scientology is not a self-help system. It's a control system.

At the center of it is auditing, which is presented as spiritual counseling but functions far closer to an interrogation technique, you sit across from an auditor with an E-meter, answering deeply personal questions while your emotional responses are measured, recorded, and stored.

I was not only audited. I was highly trained to audit others.

I know how it works because I was taught how to extract information, how to keep people talking, how to bypass resistance, how to reframe discomfort as spiritual weakness. Nothing shared in auditing is ever truly confidential. Files follow you forever.

Thought crime is real in Scientology. Doubt itself is punishable.

As you rise in Scientology, scrutiny increases. Loyalty is everything. We were subjected to security checks. These were interrogations designed to determine whether we had ever had critical thoughts about the Church or its leader, David Miscavige.

Let me be clear.

Questioning David Miscavige is not allowed.

Thinking critically about leadership is treated as moral failure. If a thought crossed your mind, you were expected to confess it. Thought crime is real in Scientology. Doubt itself is punishable.

And I trusted him.

I trusted the structure. I trusted the leadership. I trusted that the suffering was part of growth, that the exhaustion meant I was close to breakthrough.

Instead, I was breaking.

Spiritual Collapse at Saint Hill

I eventually found myself at Saint Hill Manor in the United Kingdom, Scientology’s global headquarters, completing my OT Preps. Operating Thetan is sold as the pinnacle of spiritual attainment. God-like awareness. Total freedom.

What I experienced instead was the darkest spiritual state of my life.

I was working twelve-hour days, mentally depleted, spiritually numb, emotionally unraveling. I was deeply depressed. So depressed that I began to scare myself. I did not want to die, but I no longer wanted to live.

I did not want to die, but I no longer wanted to live.

I was spiritually bankrupt.

It became unbearable. And finally, it became dangerous.

I left the UK because I had to survive.

When the Fog Lifted

When I left physically, I still had not left spiritually. But distance saved my life.

Back in the United States, surrounded by friends and family, something began to happen. For the first time in years, I was not being monitored. Not audited. Not evaluated. Not extracted from.

And God began to heal me.

At first, I didn't hear His voice. I felt His presence. Gentle. Steady. Persistent. Like a wound finally allowed to breathe.

Then one day, broken and desperate, I cried out in prayer, “God, will I ever go back?”

And He answered me with unmistakable clarity.

Leave Scientology.

No confusion. No fear. No bargaining. Just truth.

The Lie of “You Can Be Both”

Scientology tells Christians they can keep Jesus while practicing its doctrine. I believed that lie for years.

But Scientology does not coexist with Christianity. It replaces it.

It removes sin, removes repentance, removes grace, removes the cross. It replaces salvation with self-perfection, God with hierarchy, and truth with secrecy.

Jesus does not charge admission for freedom.

Jesus does not isolate you from your loved ones.

Jesus does not demand unquestioning loyalty to a man.

When I finally allowed myself to research, to question, to look outside the bubble, the truth came rushing in. Disconnection policies. Abuse. Financial exploitation. Psychological control. Families torn apart. Lives destroyed.

And as the lies fell away, Jesus returned.

Not as an idea. Not as a symbol. But as my Savior.

From Survivor to Servant

I walked away from everything I thought defined me. My status. My identity. My community.

And I was rebaptized. Fully surrendered. No halfway faith. No spiritual substitutes.

Today, through The Fearless Joy Foundation, I help others do the same.

We help people escape cult abuse, recover from spiritual trauma, and rebuild their lives with truth, dignity, and faith. We have helped many find peace after years of manipulation, coercion, and even trafficking.

Scientology thrives in silence. It survives on fear. It counts on people being too ashamed, too invested, or too scared to speak.

This is not about bitterness. It's about exposure.

Scientology thrives in silence. It survives on fear. It counts on people being too ashamed, too invested, or too scared to speak.

I am no longer any of those things.

If You Are Questioning

If you are quietly wondering whether something feels wrong, listen to that voice.

You are not weak.

You are not broken.

You are waking up.

Leaving cost me years I will never get back. But it gave me something infinitely more valuable.

My soul.

My faith.

My freedom in Jesus Christ.

And I will never go back.