We all know that so little of what we see on social media is anywhere close to reality — which means the guy we’ve been eyeing on Instagram might not be the best dating material after all.
We’re all just a little bit obsessed with Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok, right? Even as someone who claims to hate our culture’s dependence on social media, I find myself checking it multiple times a day, often opening it by muscle memory without even realizing it — and before I know it, I’m back scrolling through a feed full of people I don’t really know.
And with the rise of social media platforms comes an altered version of reality; the carefully curated feeds we mindlessly scroll through show little to no reality whatsoever, allowing everyone we follow to create an image of themselves and their lives, using filters and facetune to achieve a flawless result — and this ends up spilling over into our dating lives.
Dating these days is hard enough, with more and more young singles relying on dating apps to find the one. And with social media, a guy might look like our type, our ultimate match…but it turns out, the guys who put together the most intriguing feeds might not be boyfriend material after all.
He’s Used To Presenting an Image
Obviously, the entirety of social media is image-based. We’re able to control what people think of us, almost playing a character in their minds, by granting them access only to a small portion of our lives.
We’re able to control what people think of us by granting them access only to a small portion of our lives.
When a guy is used to presenting an image to the world, it might be difficult to actually get to know him, even in real life. Being well-versed in coming up with quippy captions to go along with artistic photos, this need for image can easily resurface in his personal relationships, making emotional closeness and authentic human connection totally foreign to him.
He Cares Too Much about Looking Good
Often enough, the guys with the coolest feeds are far more concerned with looking good than actually being good — and getting attention for it. Countless gym selfies, shirtless pics, and self-important captions let us know he cares way too much about his random follower’s opinions, putting on a performance for them every time he posts something new.
A guy whose identity and self-worth is tied up in his Instagram feed will continue to look for and find validation online instead of ever finding it in himself or from us. A guy who couldn’t care less about how many likes he gets, while not “cool,” is far more able to healthily participate in a romantic relationship.
He Might Not Care about Our Boundaries
We’re all well-aware that Instagram and TikTok are flooded with scantily-clad wannabe models, with photos and videos constantly turning up that we’d be uncomfortable with our boyfriend seeing and enjoying. It’s unfortunately a normal part of many relationships to have the “Can you unfollow that girl?” talk.
He cares more about making another girl feel good about herself than helping us feel heard and loved.
While the best guys will either unfollow her immediately (or wouldn’t have been following her in the first place), guys who are entrenched in the world of social media might not understand boundaries like this, assuring us we’re just insecure and liking another girl’s bikini photo shouldn’t mean anything — showing us that he cares more about making another girl feel good about herself than helping us feel heard and loved.
I’m stating the obvious here: social media lies. Guys who look like a dream on social media often have little substance, being much better at looking like something than ever being it. And more often than not, it’s the guys who care the least about social media that make for the best, most honest, and most attentive significant others.