When Women Are The Abuser: What We Learned From Amber Heard

By S.G. Cheah
·  6 min read
Amber Heard Johnny Depp

People often say there is nothing useful we can learn from Hollywood celebrities. I disagree. There’s always something you can learn from celebs – namely what not to do if you want to be happy. This article will address Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s leaked audio as a guide to help you know how not to act if you want to be in a happy and successful marriage or relationship.

Keeping on the topic of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp, if you’ve not heard the leaked audio of their counseling session, here is where you can listen to it. Be forewarned, this recording is difficult to listen to, especially if you (like myself) grew up with parents who had manic and vicious fights with each other like Heard and Depp do.

Normally, it would be in bad taste for us to scrutinize the private life of couples who are going through a rough patch in their relationship. But in this case, the court of public opinion is open to us since Amber Heard penned her op-ed in The Washington Post condemning domestic violence, in which she stated, “how institutions protect men accused of abuse.”

Well, marriage is an institution too, and here are some lessons we can learn from Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s toxic relationship about what not to do.

1. Don’t be belligerent.

The most important thing you can learn from this recording is to not be belligerent. Nothing ruins a romance quicker than being hostile to your partner. We don’t even like it when we fight with other women, so what would possess us to think that men would like it if we fought with them?

If you’re rude and disagreeable to your significant other, he will respond in kind.

If you’re rude and disagreeable to your significant other, he will respond in kind. In fact, if you’re rude and disagreeable to anyone, they will respond in kind. I have personally avoided friendships with women who acted like they had a chip on their shoulder and were often ill-mannered and snappy.

You would respect yourself enough to not give any friendship or attention to women who are hostile to you, and you would expect a man who has self-respect to do the same. So treat your man tactfully, and you can be assured that your love life will be a lot more peaceful.

2. Don’t treat your partner like a subordinate.

Nobody likes being bossed around, especially not your romantic partner. Believe it or not, giving and receiving commands is stressful for both parties. The domineering partner barking out orders is just as emotionally strained as the person on the receiving end of the bullying.

Another reason why Amber Heard’s behavior is upsetting to us all is because the way a wife treats her husband sets the precedent for how she will treat her children. The uncomfortable truth that we all know (but won’t voice openly) is that if she treated her husband that way, then just imagine how she’ll treat helpless children as a mother. There is no peace or joy in living with an emotionally frenzied parent. Their children will live in fear and grow up having anxiety issues.

The way a wife treats her husband sets the precedent for how she will treat her children.

3. Don’t use gaslighting to manipulate your spouse.

Part of the transcript shows Amber Heard gaslighting her ex-husband. An abuser uses the gaslighting tactic to make their victim question their own sanity.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t, uh, uh, hit you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you, it was not punching you. Babe, you’re not punched. I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you’re fine. I did not hurt you. I did not punch you. I was hitting you.”

….I have no words. This sounds almost as psychotic as Mullahs from backward, Islamofascist countries approving the beating of wives, but only with a “small stick” to instill fear. Worst is, on top of the abuse, she was also gaslighting Depp to make it seem like he was the one who was imagining things.

4. Don’t use violence.

This is perhaps the easiest tip to give. Just don’t use violence, please. Human beings employ force to deal with animals because animals can’t use reason to think. We are not animals and therefore shouldn’t treat each other like we’re animals. Knowing this, it makes Amber Heard’s justification of violence against Depp even more disturbing when she refers to herself as an animal – “You poke an animal enough, it is eventually, it doesn’t matter how friendly it is, it’s not cool.”

No, what is not cool is beating your spouse like an animal. In order to have a peaceful relationship, partners have to use rational thought as a way to reason with each other. As long as logic is employed, both parties will win because logic is impartial and reason will always side with the truth. And you’d want to be truthful with your partner. Otherwise, there’s simply no respect between each other.

5. Don’t belittle or mock your partner.

And finally, please don’t belittle or mock your partner. Don’t tell someone you claim you love that they have to “grow up and stop being such a baby”. Your significant other won’t appreciate being told they are immature and stupid because it is a sign of deep disrespect. It makes them feel like a loser when you say they’re incapable of acting like someone who is worthy of respect. It’s clear Amber Heard has no respect for Johnny Depp, and for whatever reason, he believes himself to be unworthy too. Leave if your partner belittles you.

Your significant other won’t appreciate being told they are immature and stupid because it is a sign of deep disrespect.

Closing Thoughts

Whenever I’ve come across a happy family, I’ve noticed how it was the women who had set the tone of the household’s happiness. So the phrase “happy wife, happy life” does have some ground in reality (at least from my personal observation).

The husbands who are happily married are also those who are treated with love, respect, and affection at home. As you must realize, your home needs to be a happy, comfortable, and loving place for your love life to thrive. This may be a “cringey” thing to hear since the idea of a love-filled, happy marriage has fallen out of fashion in our increasingly militant feminist, “I don’t need no man!” culture. But you know what is more cringe-worthy? A wife berating her husband like Amber Heard did.

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