"The Ultimate Betrayal": TikToker Says Her Sister Is Dating Her Ex, But Her Parents Are Asking Her To "Get Over It"

We're all familiar with the unwritten rules of the girl code: Your best friend's boyfriend, ex, and love interest are absolutely off-limits (and vice versa). These boundaries exist and are followed out of respect for the friendship. When someone doesn't adhere to these unspoken codes, it leads to a sense of betrayal and immense pain that can take years to heal.

So imagine if the girl code was broken by your very own sister – how would you feel? Let's take it a step further. Imagine she started dating your ex after a traumatic incident like a death in the family. To rub even more salt in the wound, let's say your parents tell you to get over the betrayal your sister committed. I presume you'd feel heartbroken, insane, and lonely (I know I would). Your family was already torn apart by the death of your beloved sibling; now you have to deal with the backstabbing you just went through and the lack of support from your mom and dad. This scenario sounds almost fictional, but this is purportedly what one woman named Kat went through.

In a viral TikTok that garnered over two million views, Kat opens up about the horrifying ordeal that left her in tears. She explains that she and her former partner were together for four years. Not even six months after their breakup, her older sister got with her ex – after their brother died. "She completely tore my family apart right after we lost my brother," Kat shares. "So, my family had already been through enough."

Understandably, Kat reveals how she hasn't spoken to her sister since the "betrayal." According to the TikToker, her family was always on her side, and they agreed never to allow her ex to any of their houses or functions. Kat was also given first priority when it came to holidays. "If I wanted to go [to family events] and if I could make it to that family event, then she [her sister] wasn't allowed to go," Kat says, adding, "Which is how it should be. Because she's the one that caused this, so she can suffer the consequences."

Now, a year and a half later, her family is reportedly asking her to move past all of it. "They're like, 'Alright, it's been a year and a half, you should be over it by now. We're tired of doing separate functions...'" she says, stating that her mom and dad no longer want to disinvite her sister to events that she's attending.

Kat's reaction to this is valid. "How are you going to tell me to get over my feelings?"
she asks. "I still want nothing to do with my sister. I've already told them I would never have a relationship with her ever again. I've already told my family my sister will not be at my wedding. She will not meet my kids, and I mean that."

Kat’s Feelings Matter, and Her Family Should Respect Her

A year and a half isn't long, but that doesn't matter. Kat can take all the time she needs to feel better, and her parents should respect her wishes. Seeing her sibling and her ex would only be a reminder of the treachery she faced. And, by her parents allowing them to be there, they're essentially condoning her sister's behavior rather than denouncing it. Their annoyance with Kat's preference to avoid the perpetrators is hurtful, especially when she's not the one who caused any of this. Therefore, her family members should be more than willing to create a space where she feels safe and comfortable. It seems that, from her parents' perspective, Kat's sister didn't "steal" her ex since they got together after they separated. But, as Kat says, that's irrelevant – it's the principle that matters.

Judging by her recent videos on TikTok, Kat is now in a healthy and happy relationship with her new partner. If I were her, I wouldn't want to bring my man anywhere near someone who is dating my ex. So why would she attend parties or events where her sister is present? What's even more concerning is how Kat doesn't ever mention her sibling or her ex apologizing to her. There's unhealed trauma between her and the people she trusted the most. It's best if she stays away from them; I hope her family is more than willing to accommodate that. I understand they want to include her sister, but her sibling was the one who decided to get with her ex. Then, over time, maybe Kat will finally be ready for the family reunion.

I don't know what conversations Kat has had with her family and if they just refuse to respect her needs. If this is the case, she may have to distance herself from them to focus on her healing journey. Sometimes, the path to recovery necessitates cutting ties with the people we love the most, at least temporarily. Doing this is easier said than done, of course, but it may be the most effective way to recover our emotional well-being. Disassociating ourselves from those who can't acknowledge our pain also signals that we won't tolerate their lack of consideration. Shawnda, a popular life coach on the platform, says it best in her own words: "You never want to be in a situation where someone finds your pain inconvenient," she explains, addressing Kat, "and they're going to force you into a situation where you have to let down your boundaries. You had a clear boundary, and they don't love and respect you enough to uphold it."

This is a messy situation all around, and I can't imagine going through something like this. I reached out to Kat for comment. It seems she's listened to the advice of many of her supporters and will distance herself from her family. "If you can’t respect my feelings, then I don’t need you in my life," Kat says in an email to Evie. "No one knows how I feel, because you have never been in my shoes, so how can my own mother tell me to 'move on'? It’s the ultimate betrayal from my sister, and now I’m feeling betrayed by my mother. It’s time for me to step away from toxic family members that can’t respect my boundaries."

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