This Mentality Will Help You Talk To Men With Ease

It’s no secret that women enjoy being pursued (by a guy they’re already interested in, that is). Women enjoy having a man show interest in them, take the lead, and do all that is within his power to woo and impress her. It’s nice to be sought after, right? But sometimes, the responsibility of making the first move falls on the woman. The guy she has exchanged little glances with all night still hasn’t approached her, but she doesn’t want to pass up this opportunity – so she takes it upon herself to be the one to initiate. The only problem? She hasn’t had much practice with taking on the role of the initiator yet, and the thought of going up to a guy makes her nervous. What is she even supposed to say? What do guys want to hear from women? Won’t she seem desperate if she approaches him? Sound like a worry you’ve had? While it’s generally true that we as women have less experience than men when it comes to showing the first sign of interest, it’s not impossible . It all comes down to switching your mentality from one of anxiety to one of “nothing to lose.” The “Nothing To Lose” Mentality TikTok user @hana.elson shared in a video her tactic for feeling more confident in approaching guys: “When I want to talk to a guy – like, I see him across the crowd – I have the mindset of ‘I’m never gonna see this person again, so what does it matter?’ Any time I’ve been traveling somewhere … I went up to probably who I thought was the most attractive man in the room, and you know what? I smashed it out of the park. Because I had a ‘nothing left to lose’ mentality.” Hana goes on to give us a play-by-play of how the interaction goes, and we’ve got to say, she’s pretty fearless: “I literally will go up to guys, and I’ll be like, ‘Hey, are you single?’ It catches them off guard.” And aside from the times when the guy says he’s already taken, Hana says that by using this line, she has a “95% success rate” of getting the guy to be interested back. Why Guys Find This Mentality Attractive For the most part, guys know it's on them to approach women. They’re used to being the ones putting themselves out there, trying to get a girl to return interest, and opening themselves up to rejection – which is exactly what makes them take a second look when you choose to be the one who makes contact first . In other words, it helps you stand out from the crowd; suddenly, you’re on his radar. You stand apart, in a totally different light, from another girl who might’ve caught his attention earlier that night. He’ll immediately respect the confidence he knows it took for you to do that, be flattered, and be attracted to your boldness. Why the “Nothing To Lose” Mentality Works But wait – this all sounds great, but won’t he just expect you to keep on being the one to pursue him? Doesn’t this tactic create a dynamic where you’re always expected to initiate instead of him? Isn’t that kind of the opposite of what you really wanted? Well, according to Hana, this is a non-issue: “They kind of start laughing, and they know you’re into them. So you don’t have to do as much work after you ask that question … and then they start pursuing you. You know, you can take a step back then ‘cause you already said pretty much the most direct comment you can make. And then, you know, the chase is back on.” How To Approach a Guy with the “Nothing To Lose” Mentality So… you just… walk up to him and ask him if he’s single? Sounds pretty nerve-wracking, but maybe you should give it a try. Here’s a step-by-step breakdown of how to actually try out this tactic the next time you spot a cute guy across the room: First, remember that the key to this tactic is reminding yourself that there’s really nothing to lose. If he’s already taken, just move on. If he seems standoffish, just move on. The worst thing that can happen is that he’s not interested back – and it’s not the end of the world if he isn’t. There’s a certain confidence to be gained from telling yourself, “What does it matter?” If you choose not to care too much, if you don’t put too much pressure on the situation, all will be well. Make sure to exchange at least a few glances and a sweet smile with him beforehand. This way, you know he’s noticed you too. He won’t be caught totally off-guard. Find a moment to approach him after you’ve caught each other’s eye a few times, but he’s not already talking to someone else. There’s nothing more awkward than walking up in the middle of a conversation and just lurking there until you can get a word in. Once you’ve found the right time and you’ve made your way over to him, meet his gaze, smile, and ask him, “Hey, are you single?” Try doing it nonchalantly, like his answer either way won’t throw you off, like you don’t need the answer to be yes to continue being confident in yourself. If he says he’s not, keep things casual instead of getting embarrassed. Smile, shrug, say a parting word or two (“Oh, okay. No worries.”) and move on – there’s no need to be embarrassed. If he says he is single, let him take the lead from there. Obviously, he knows you’re interested now, so employ your best flirting tactics and let him continue the pursuit. Closing Thoughts Not all of us are confident when it comes to putting ourselves out there, but taking on a “nothing to lose” mentality might prove to be beneficial the next time you’ve got your eye on a guy. Love Evie? Sign up for our newsletter and get curated content weekly!