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These Lesbian Women Say They Feel "Pressured Into Sex By Some Trans Women"

By Gina Florio··  5 min read
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Some lesbian women have come forward to share experiences of how they have felt pressured into having sex with trans women they encounter in the dating world. As a result they find themselves accused of being transphobic for not wanting to have sex with trans women.

This isn't a topic that has been widely researched, so these stories of lesbian women feeling pressured into having sex with trans women are entirely anecdotal, but they do force us to face the reality and ask what is truly happening in the world of LBGTQ+ dating.

Lesbian Women Share Their Stories

Caroline Lowbridge for the BBC decided to dive deep into this topic and interviewed several lesbians who were willing to share their experiences from the dating pool. Some stories were quite frankly horrifying, including the account of 24-year-old Amy. She told Lowbridge that her bisexual girlfriend verbally exploded on her for not agreeing to have a threesome with a trans woman who still had a penis.

"The first thing she called me was transphobic," Amy recalled. "She immediately jumped to make me feel guilty about not wanting to sleep with someone."

But she knew there was "zero possibility" for her to be attracted to this trans woman. There were "physical realities" that were impossible to ignore. "I can hear their male vocal cords. I can see their male jawline," she said. "I know, under their clothes, there is male genitalia."

You would think that a lesbian woman declining to be intimate with a man is a perfectly acceptable and to-be-expected scenario. But it was the very thing that drove a wedge between Amy and her girlfriend. They broke up soon after. Her girlfriend attributed the end of the relationship to Amy's "extremist propaganda and inciting violence towards the trans community."

"I can hear their male vocal cords. I can see their male jawline. I know, under their clothes, there is male genitalia."

Many other women have reported receiving death threats, rape threats, and encouragement to commit suicide after they say honestly that they don't want to have sex with a trans person.

A 26-year-old woman by the name of Chloe admitted that she ended up having intercourse with a trans woman even though she made it clear she wasn't interested. After a night of drinking, Chloe recalls that she didn't even consent to the situation, but they ended up having sex anyway. "The language at the time was very much 'trans women are women, they are always women, lesbians should date them,'" she told Lowbridge. "And I was like, that's the reason I rejected this person. Does that make me bad? Am I not going to be allowed to be in the LGBT community anymore? Am I going to face repercussions for that instead?' So I didn't actually tell anyone."

An Interesting Survey Was Conducted

Angela C. Wild, the co-founder of Get The L Out, has demonstrated at Pride marches to stand up for lesbians. "Lesbians are still extremely scared to speak because they think they won't be believed, because the trans ideology is so silencing everywhere," she said. But they were accused of being bigoted, ignorant, and hateful.

Angela was able to gather a little data to observe what was going on between lesbian women and trans individuals. The results of her survey on social media found that 56% of the 80 women who responded said they were pressured or coerced into having sex with a trans woman. Many of these women also felt pressured to go on dates with them.

"I was told that homosexuality doesn't exist and I owed it to my trans sisters to unlearn my 'genital confusion' so I can enjoy letting them penetrate me."

One woman even shared that she was getting harassed by people from an online community who couldn't believe she would refuse a trans woman as a sexual partner. One woman reported being targeted in an online group. "I was told that homosexuality doesn't exist and I owed it to my trans sisters to unlearn my 'genital confusion' so I can enjoy letting them penetrate me," she said.

Some Trans Individuals Chime In

There are some trans people who are coming forward to make it known that they find this demand to be silly. Debbie Hayton, a science teacher who transitioned in 2012, said, "When [trans women] are trying to find partners, when lesbian women say 'we want women,' and heterosexual women say they want a heterosexual man, that leaves trans women isolated from relationships, and possibly feeling very let down by society, angry, upset and feeling that the world is out to get them."

Debbie is concerned that lesbians report feeling pressured by trans women to sleep with them. So is the chief executive of Stonewall, the biggest LGBT organization in the UK. "Sexuality is personal and something which is unique to each of us. There is no 'right' way to be a lesbian, and only we can know who we're attracted to," she said. "Nobody should ever be pressured into dating, or pressured into dating people they aren't attracted to."

"Nobody should ever be pressured into dating, or pressured into dating people they aren't attracted to."

Rose of Dawn, a transgender content creator on YouTube, called this behavior "incredibly toxic" and added to the conversation: "What's happening is women who are attracted to biological females and female genitalia are finding themselves put in very awkward positions, where if for example on a dating website a trans woman approaches them and they say 'sorry I'm not into trans women', then they are labelled as transphobic."

Of course there are trans voices out there who are a bit louder and more opinionated on the matter. Trans YouTuber Danielle Piergallini insisted in a video that it's transphobic to not be attracted to trans people "because any time you're making a broad generalized statement about a group of people that's typically not coming from a good place."

We don't have enough data yet to know how prevalent this experience may be, but it would be interesting to hear how often this is happening in the lesbian community.

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