Would you describe yourself as confident? Confidence can sometimes feel like a quality reserved for other people; people you consider more successful than you, more beautiful than you, or who seem to have it more together than you do.
But what is confidence? The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the adjective confident as “full of conviction: certain.” Confidence, very simply, is believing in yourself.
Do You Believe in Yourself?
Are you comfortable expressing yourself without worrying what people might think? Do you often compare yourself to others? Are you able to receive a compliment?
Confidence demands self-worth; it requires the testimony that you have immense value. What a beautiful affirmation it is that nobody can be you. If your self-talk is more negative than positive, confidence is something you need to work on. Being kind to yourself is important.
What a beautiful affirmation it is that nobody can be you.
If you're always appeasing others or have trouble saying no when you want to, confidence is something you need to work on. A little social discomfort is okay. If you aren’t willing to share your thoughts or feelings unless there’s little risk of rejection, then confidence is something you need to work on. Don’t let others manage your self-esteem. Be brave enough to tell people how much they mean to you; love is a gift.
Confidence Is Determined Solely by You
If fear creeps up in the little things that should come naturally, then confidence is something you need to work on. Don’t be too shy to compliment a stranger. Don’t be too timid to talk about boundaries with a guy you’ve just started dating. (Yes, you have to show others how to treat you.)
It doesn’t matter if other people think you’re confident. Confidence isn’t determined by other people, it’s determined solely by you. Only you know if what you reveal about yourself is genuine.
Confidence isn’t determined by other people, it’s determined solely by you.
We impulsively try to hide our flaws, our anxieties, and the things that make us weird. We fear that if people really knew us, they wouldn’t love us. But this concern calls into question, do you value who you are? Because if you did, you wouldn’t worry about someone knowing the real, unfiltered you. Quite the opposite - you wouldn’t want to be loved for anything less.
Some people would describe confidence as arrogance: “I am who I am and I don’t care what people think of me.” But of course, we care what people think of us, especially those we love and admire. Believe it or not, your ability to be confident depends on your ability to be vulnerable - that’s the secret.
Confidence Depends on Your Ability To Be Vulnerable
That doesn’t mean using vulnerability as an opportunity to be manipulative. The goal is not for others to find something cute in your flaws or for you to sugarcoat your negative qualities. For us women, it’s hard to fight the urge to be anything less than perfect. But in reality, we're all imperfect, and your mistakes don’t inhibit your ability to be confident (neither does the way you look, your status, your bank account, or the million other little insecurities you may be harboring).
True vulnerability is being honest with people. It’s taking responsibility for your actions. It’s having the courage to stick up for yourself. You have to be proud of who you are, because the truth of the matter is, you can’t be confident without character.
True vulnerability is being honest with people. It’s taking responsibility for your actions. It’s having the courage to stick up for yourself.
Confidence is saying, “I hope people accept me for being myself, but I’ll be okay if they don’t.” It’s learning to manage rejection. It’s learning that the desire to be liked isn’t worth losing your self-respect.
Our imperfections, our fears, our failures, our weaknesses - they don’t define us unless we let them. Men don’t define you. Your friends can’t define you. Only you define who you are. Accept your limitations and embrace your uniqueness.
So, more often than not, admit when you’re wrong, choose to be honest about your feelings, laugh when you suck at something, and celebrate your strengths. Be real and have the audacity to believe in yourself.