The Four Levels Of Manliness

When dating or in a relationship, men tend to fall into four levels of manliness: the Loser, the Dude, the Good Man, and the Hero.

By Juliana Stewart3 min read

Women need to become familiar with the different stages a man goes through so we can make wiser decisions when it comes to dealing with them.

Being unaware of where a man is at in his life can be detrimental. You’ll end up butting heads over the most trivial things and won’t understand why. But if you stopped and scratched beneath the surface, you’ll find that the real cause is you’re just not on the same page.

Women Are Love Optimists 

Women are love optimists and can spend years holding onto false promises. Sometimes they’re promises that he makes, and other times, it’s completely wishful thinking. For example, a woman can wait years for a commitment when her man has no intention of marrying, or she’ll wait years for him to “change” when he probably never will. Waiting for anyone to change is risky because it’s not guaranteed and it costs us our precious time.

To avoid falling victim to this, we need to become better at discerning men and better at accepting them at face value. We also need to understand the difference between sticking it out with a man who is going somewhere versus being completely ignorant about a bad situation.

To help you recognize and understand where a man might be in his life, below are the four levels of manliness.

The Loser

This man still lives with his parents and has no real job. He lacks focus, direction, and he has no drive.

Mommy and Daddy still buy his clothes and pay for his phone bill. He knows very little about being a responsible adult, and he isn’t willing to learn. He doesn’t plan for the future, and he doesn’t want to grow up. He’s a child trapped in a man’s body. 

Dating him is like dating a child. He’ll expect you to do all the thinking. He may even expect you to pay for everything. 

He’s also emotionally immature and doesn’t know how to handle relationship problems calmly and thoughtfully. It doesn't make him a bad person, he just lacks experience.

If you’re looking for anything serious, it’s best to leave this man alone. He needs time for some deep self-reflection and growth.

The Dude

This man has a job but isn’t achieving anything. He’s the guy who works at the same company and stays in the same position without any intention of progressing. Whether he works in retail or an office, he never makes any kind of impact. He’s directionless and sort of just cruising through life. 

He’s not very disciplined. He’ll blow all his money on a night out drinking and rolls into work the next day hungover. He lives paycheck to paycheck and doesn’t plan for the future. 

He also finds it difficult to hold down a relationship. He doesn’t inspire his girlfriend or make her feel confident that he’s reliable and going somewhere with his life. 

The Good Man

This man is mature and feels comfortable in his skin. He’s done with playing games, he isn’t afraid of commitment, or he may already be married with children. 

He’s faithful and responsible, he treats you well, and you can depend on him. He does everything right, prefers a modest lifestyle, and is very well-rounded. 

He’s an amazing man to be with, but sometimes it might feel he has found a comfortable rut and is happy to simply maintain the status quo. For some women, this lack of drive for progression can be disappointing as it means that her man might already be at his peak. This is fine as long as both partners are happy with their current life,  their ambitions are fulfilled, and both of you find comfort in a safe, reliable situation.

The Hero

This man not only has a family and a wife, but he’s making real changes in the world. 

He’s a leader, a go-getter, and works incredibly hard. He’s highly intelligent, bold, and not afraid to take risks to achieve his goals and vision.

To be with this kind of man you need to have a lot of patience because he has many responsibilities. He takes great care of not only his own family but a community around him. Be aware that this might not give you a monopoly on all of his focus and attention, however, a hero will know when to put you first and when he needs to be there for you.

But no good man can go it alone. He will need your help and support as he will likely take on a heavy load. Find opportunities to help him where you can, and he will be grateful.

Closing Thoughts

Identifying where you are in your own life will help you understand what kind of man might be right for you. Try to ensure your next suitor shares your current life goals.  

From nights out at a club to an evening snuggled on the sofa with the family — can you picture him in that situation, or would he need to change to be there with you? 

Ideally, you want to find somebody who is already in the same place you’re in now, but you should also make sure you both want to grow in the same direction for the future.