Every girl remembers watching her mother or older relatives get ready for a night out, sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed in pajamas, wide-eyed, as she blended smoky eyeshadow, pinned her hair just so, and slipped into glittering heels. From that moment, you longed for the day you could do the same. Adulthood could not come soon enough.
Wishing for adulthood is natural; we all want our independence and to choose our own destiny. But what happens when the waiting and the becoming disappear altogether? What happens when society, in the name of culture and "progress," erases girlhood altogether?
I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman
Not quite a girl, not yet a woman, that is how I would describe the liminal place of girlhood. Most define girlhood, or tweenhood, as beginning around nine or ten and ending in the mid-teens. It's a time colored by change, growth, and marked by awkwardness, or at least it used to be. What was once a period of innocence, still sheltered under the umbrella of childhood, has now morphed into a stage marked by adultification, brought about through cultural shifts, technological advancements, and commercialization.
Before the tremors of the 1960s and its sexual liberation movement began to shake society, the way girls grew up was entirely different. Every generation tends to romanticize the past, especially during times of rapid technological change. Even in the 1950s, a decade we now view as idyllic, people longed for the simplicity of the pre-war years. But what if the past truly was a better time for girls to grow up?
From observation, there seems to have been a breakdown in the threshold of what is considered adulthood. It may not even be conscious. Most people, if asked, would still name sixteen or eighteen as the age of adulthood, yet their behavior toward young girls suggests otherwise. Before this shift, adulthood did not begin until one took on real responsibilities: getting married, having a baby, moving out, or entering full-time work. These milestones did not come all at once; during adolescence, parents gradually gave their children opportunities to prove their maturity and take on responsibility within a safe environment in preparation for actual adulthood.
There was a strong cultural belief that children should act like children, in how they dressed, behaved, and carried responsibility.
Not much has actually changed regarding the crucial elements of girlhood: school, homework, friends, fashion, and hobbies. These are still the trifecta that consume young girls today, but what has changed is the atmosphere surrounding them, the expectations, the pace, and the lens through which girlhood is lived and observed. Before, girlhood was defined by manners, modesty, and family values. Culture was geared toward enhancing that. Books like Betty Cornell’s Teen-Age Popularity Guide, published in 1951, instructed girls to "stand straight, smile often, and remember that charm begins with cleanliness."
Girls would often still play well into their teen years. They spent time outside on bikes or roller skates; games and imagination still lingered, with teens dressing up, doing crafts, or putting on shows for their families. It was not unusual for a fourteen-year-old girl to receive a doll as a gift or to write diary entries about a classmate crush. Social life in this era was vibrant and central to adolescence, yet it took place in spaces designed distinctly for teenagers, not adults. Weekends revolved around school or church dances, ice-cream parlors, and drive-in movies, socializing that was wholesome, local, and age-appropriate.
What allowed girlhood to unfold in a gradual and balanced way was the reinforcement of boundaries by adults. There was a strong cultural belief that children should act like children, in how they dressed, behaved, and carried responsibility. Teenage life existed within its own world, not as a mimicry of adulthood. Many might critique that culture as restrictive, one that prized innocence and safety above liberation, but it also allowed girlhood to exist within a contained, clearly defined, and protected space.
The Loss of the In-between
If the past was defined by slowness and containment, today’s version of girlhood is marked by the erosion of boundaries and the acceleration of maturity. Those lines that once protected a girl’s innocence have thinned to the point of vanishing, the in-between phase of child and woman collapsing entirely. It seems as though many parents have taken a back seat, allowing culture and technology to raise their daughters, exposing them to adult themes long before they are ready.
Those lines that once protected a girl’s innocence have thinned to the point of vanishing, the in-between phase of child and woman collapsing entirely.
Unlike any generation before, those born after 2005 have grown up with a smartphone in hand from an early age, granting them access to social media and a flood of harmful content. According to Ofcom, nearly nine in ten children own a mobile phone by age eleven. Giving an eleven-year-old a smartphone is like handing them the keys to adulthood without a map, their minds still forming yet exposed to content and conversations even adults struggle to navigate. In turn, young girls are being exposed to content that pushes them to explore things that should only be reserved for womanhood. The algorithm feeds them the same content an adult would see. Beauty tutorials, body transformation videos, discussions on sex, relationships, and mental health appear constantly. Young girls are being taught to view themselves through an adult, sexualized lens before they have even finished growing.
Young girls being exposed to tutorials on how to contour to look "snatched" or follow ten-step skincare routines to prevent aging early has given rise to a teenage mental health crisis centered on appearance. Part of femininity is caring for oneself, and in girlhood, that exploration once began innocently, a swipe of lip gloss, a little glitter eyeshadow for a party. Now, however, even very young girls have full skincare and makeup routines, replacing play and curiosity with performance and perfectionism.
In a sinister turn, girlhood has become commodified. Beauty brands now market skincare products not just to pre-teens, but to children. Actress Shay Mitchell recently faced backlash for launching Rini, a skincare line aimed at kids. Similarly, the brand Evereden promotes its products through videos of five-year-olds demonstrating their "night-time routines," proudly declaring that children are "in their skincare era." Last year, Sephora employees went viral on TikTok for talking about pre-teens wrecking the store while demanding their parents buy them expensive brands like Drunk Elephant.
Now, even very young girls have full skincare and makeup routines, replacing play and curiosity with performance and perfectionism.
Young girls should not be blamed for seeming too adult. The responsibility for the disappearance of girlhood lies with parents. Many have adopted a lax parenting style that values freedom over boundaries, blurring the line between child and friend. When parents seek to be liked rather than to guide, they hesitate to say no to adult requests or set firm limits. As a result, girls are increasingly exposed to adult realities like sex, drugs, and alcohol long before they are ready to understand them.
The Emotional Cost of Growing Up Too Fast
I remember the most salient feeling of my young adolescence was that I was growing up too fast. In a short span of time, my life became boundaryless, and I felt acutely aware of it. My father had been the rule enforcer, making us clear our plates at dinner or taking our phones away on school nights. When he left, things became chaotic, and I felt like I was standing on shaky ground, missing the safety those rules once gave me. At the time, I thought this was what I wanted, to finally feel grown up, but the novelty wore off quickly, and I began to suffer. What I and many girls really missed was structure, the sense that someone was keeping us safe while we figure out who we are.
Looking back, what I was experiencing was not personal; it mirrored what many girls in my generation were experiencing. The removal of boundaries that kept us safe was not just happening at home, but in the culture around us. Puberty is probably the single biggest time of change, after having a baby, that a girl goes through. When that transformation collides with a culture obsessed with independence, girls are left untethered, growing up fast but without direction, performing adulthood before they can understand the impact of their decisions.
We lost out on the years that were meant to be carefree, the ones where we were not supposed to worry about adult things, where our only concerns should have been friendship dramas, school projects, and what to wear to the next sleepover.
When I started high school, I was allowed to quit the hobbies and athletics I had enjoyed as a kid. I was happy to have no after-school commitments because it meant scrolling endlessly on Snapchat and Instagram. Without anyone to step in and tell me what I had given up was good and meaningful, I developed the same kind of anxiety that many young girls my age did. We were forced to consider the bigger questions about our bodies, our appearance, and our sexuality. At twelve, girls were talking about dieting, relationships, and mental health diagnoses like they were trends. We lost out on the years that were meant to be carefree, the ones where we were not supposed to worry about adult things, where our only concerns should have been friendship dramas, school projects, and what to wear to the next sleepover.
I think losing out on play, curiosity, and childish things is sad, but what concerns me even more is how early girls are now exposed to drugs, sex, and alcohol. I remember entering my first year of high school and feeling like a fish out of water. Suddenly everyone around me was drinking, smoking, and having sex. I was overwhelmed by this dark, seedy world that felt dangerous and dirty, something I was not ready to see, let alone be part of. Unfortunately, all women have stories about the girls who fell into the trap of growing up too fast. They were thirteen going on thirty, caught in situations their hearts and minds were not ready for. It's clear these are not just isolated anecdotes, but a cultural story playing out among an entire generation of girls.
The Cultural Loss
What happens when society no longer protects or values childhood? It's a question few have truly considered. This loss is not just personal; it reflects a wider cultural shift that has traded innocence for exposure, the in-between stage for complete womanhood, and boundaries for a false sense of freedom that ultimately puts girls in harm’s way. A society that erases girlhood also erases the slow becoming that builds empathy, imagination, and self-trust, qualities that form the foundation of womanhood itself.
When innocence was protected, girls had space to grow, play, and make mistakes in private. Today’s culture thrusts them into visibility before they are ready. Platforms like OnlyFans and Instagram influencers have taught girls that in a digital world, visibility and desirability are currency. When women are celebrated for monetizing intimacy, it sends a message that self-worth comes from performance and attention, not inner growth. Seeing this day in and day out is having a massive effect on girls’ mental health and is quietly robbing them of their time to be young and carefree. Research from the APA shows that early exposure to sexualized media content leads to higher rates of depression and body dissatisfaction among girls.
A society that erases girlhood also erases the slow becoming that builds empathy, imagination, and self-trust, qualities that form the foundation of womanhood itself.
What girls have been robbed of is the in-between phase. The first beauty product used to be a glittery, frosting-scented lip gloss from Claire’s, not a 50-pound anti-aging serum from Sephora. Pocket money once went to chocolate, gel pens, and bedazzled notebooks, not iced lattes for Snapchat. It was a softer kind of girlhood, built on simple joys. Now, the magic of the in-between has vanished. Tween shops like Justice and Limited Too have been replaced by Zara and PrettyLittleThing, clothing for adults in miniature. Even the gentle coming-of-age stories of Gilmore Girls and Lizzie McGuire have been replaced by Euphoria, chaos and trauma repackaged as teenage life. Magazines that once celebrated the lighter side of girlhood have transformed. Teen Vogue, once a scrapbook of fashion and friendship, ran pieces on sex work, gender politics, and birth control before they recently shut down.
Ultimately, the most significant loss for girls is the loss of boundaries. For me, I saw a direct correlation between the absence of a rule enforcer in my home and the unraveling of structure in my own life. Research confirms what we instinctively know: boundaries keep children safe. When they disappear, anxiety, depression, and a tendency toward risk-taking fill the void. The modern girl is left to self-parent in a world that rewards her for growing up too soon.
Girlhood should not be something to rush or outgrow; it's the foundation for thriving in womanhood. Girls today are facing a multitude of pressures, that much is certain. Once, growing up was seen as an act of rebellion, but now the truly courageous thing parents and girls can do is grow up slowly and protect their innocence for as long as possible.