The Curse Of ‘My Boyfriend Would Never Cheat’ TikToks

Now, sure, maybe it’s not that deep. Maybe I’m being overly cynical and unfair to the women participating in what they’d probably describe as a harmless, playful joke. But as the saying goes, all comedy is rooted in truth. And I happen to have a vested interest in the truth. With those formalities out of the way, I’m going to take a stab at what I think is the problem with this “harmless” trend and the sneaky ways it could be damaging your relationship, even if you have the best of intentions.

So, what the hell am I talking about? I’m talking about a bizarre hashtag that brings up videos all boasting the same premise. You can find them under #TellMeYourBoyfriendWontCheatOnYou on TikTok. Women stitch the original creator’s sound, “Tell me how you know your boyfriend won’t cheat on you without telling me how you know your boyfriend won’t cheat on you. I’ll go first...” followed by a short snapshot into their boyfriend’s day, namely while he’s preoccupied with a stereotypically nerdy hobby, or rambling about some idiosyncratic interest. 

The gist of the joke is that he’s too obsessed with Pokémon, protein powder, anime, or supergluing jetpacks onto his Star Wars figurines to notice other women. It’s meant to be cute, even complimentary, but it often reads more like subtle mockery and emasculation. Because the subtext is usually: “I don’t have to worry about my man straying because he’s a sexually unthreatening dork no one else wants.” And the idiosyncratic hobbies in question? Not that quirky or obscure. Your boyfriend plays Overwatch? That’s it? That’s your boyfriend’s infidelity-protective hobby? There are four billion men in the world, and 80% of them play video games for the majority of their lives.

Sure, it can be funny to see some guy organizing a meticulously assorted collection of Pokémon cards at his grown age or being enamored with mechanical keys, but I can assure you the fact that Josh plays video games isn’t exactly a protective factor against infidelity nor a unique personality trait. It’s a safe bet that every man who’s ever cheated has played video games before. The “evidence” these women cite for his locked-in fidelity is just some banal run-of-the-mill male interest or some autistic-coded hyper fixation. That’s baseline modern manhood. They like things to tinker with, scenarios to act out, and missions to achieve.

It’s meant to be cute, even complimentary, but it often reads more like subtle mockery and emasculation.

Entire corners of the internet are built around the idea you should never give the ugly, nice guy below your league a chance because he’ll pull you down with him and have no shortage of audacity. I have a feeling that stereotype exists for a reason. And the social science on male infidelity is pretty clear: most men don’t cheat because they’re unhappy in their relationship or looking to end it. They cheat because they want to. The opportunity presented itself. Studies consistently show that many men who cheat report being otherwise satisfied with their partners. They just wanted sexual novelty. A new experience. A different body. It’s not emotionally driven the way female infidelity often is, on average. 

Men report having a greater desire for sexual variety (multiple sexual partners) than women do. This doesn’t make it defensible; far from it. It’s reviling coomer behavior. But it’s worth cutting through the cope that men and women cheat for the same reasons. That said, it’s not always just about lust. Research also shows that men sometimes cheat to restore a bruised ego, especially after feeling unappreciated, emasculated, or low-status at home (let alone in public). In that context, cheating becomes less about desire and more about reasserting power, status, and masculinity. Walter White, anyone?

So, on the one hand, it’s naive to believe that a guy won’t cheat on you because he’s a nice or nerdy guy, obviously. Worse than the naivety, though, is the performative emasculation. Why are you broadcasting to the world that your boyfriend is marked safe from cheating allegations because he’s socially inept or doesn’t go out? That’s not trust; that’s belittling. It almost feels like reverse psychology. Like you’re egging him on to prove he does have options and isn’t just some neutered NPC with niche interests. It’s either that or a subconscious signaling that you’re not with him because he’s desirable but because he’s safe. 

Neither is a great sign of a healthy, respectful relationship. Instead of doing this bizarre reverse mate guarding, focus on choosing a quality partner you actually respect. Playing video games, a trait not unique to your partner, or having some “nerdy” hobby are not protective against infidelity. Conscientiousness, high self-control, and empathy (the opposite of Dark Triad) are protective against infidelity. Though even those guys are bound to run away from you if you disrespect them on a public stage.

There’s something toxic bubbling under these posts, like the need to publicly assert security in your relationship by clowning on your partner. That’s what makes this trend so cursed. Not just the cringe optics but the weird gender power play at work. A little meme cloaked in irony, quietly sowing disrespect. Other commenters stumbling across these videos seem equally put off. “So how does this explain that he won’t cheat on you?” one asks. “Because he’s too much a nerd to get another girl? Toxic trend alert.” 

One of the more innocuous examples features a woman filming her boyfriend, who’s locked in on his game, as he casually mentions he’s “building their dream home” in Minecraft. It’s sweet and funny—the kind of earnest dorkiness most women would find endearing. He doesn’t even fit the stereotypical nerdy archetype that dominates this trend, but still, one viewer questions the impulse behind the post: “Why is she making fun of him?”

In another video showcasing a man’s meticulously organized Pokémon card collection as he flips through his binder, someone comments, “She thinks because he’s into a child’s game or is a nerd that he can’t find someone else… hehehe dangerous line to walk down.” A similar video shows a guy playing a digital Monopoly game and excitedly announcing, “I love the reds,” as he lands on a red property. “This trend was so toxic,” one user writes, “just making fun of things guys enjoy.” Others echoed the discomfort: “Ah, I forgot men aren’t allowed to actually like things.”

Some men didn’t just take offense; they issued warnings. “He got you. Keep disrespecting him, and he’ll find someone that will treat him with respect,” one man ominously commented. When challenged, he doubled down: “Yes she is. She’s saying because he plays games, he can’t get anyone else. That is disrespect, and he deserves better. How else do you see it?”

But nowhere did the male disgust feel more visceral than the comments on a video where a woman films her boyfriend unboxing mechanical keyboard switches, clearly delighted as he clicks through them like a self-induced ASMR session. “I don’t get this trend,” one commenter wrote. “‘Nerds’ don’t cheat, is what we’re implying?” Another points out how selective these videos are: “Notice how this ‘trend’ never shows a boyfriend at the gym or playing sports. It’s always someone doing something ‘nerdy.’”

One guy calls out the core flaw in the implications: “He won’t cheat because he is faithful and you trust him. Nerds are not an exception. I hate this trend.” Another chimes in, “Maybe he will. With a girl that has the same hobby n interest.” While a few women defend the original posters, wondering aloud what they did wrong or why people are getting so offended, men in the comments explain that the vibe is clear: women are shaming men for their hobbies on social media, and they deserve better. “‘Show me he’s too nerdy and weird to ever be a threat’ is what this trend implies,” one man writes. Another adds, “This trend always gives off ‘I’m the only one who will ever love you’ vibes.”

And it’s worth asking what kind of dynamic that creates over time. Imagine your man publicly posting content whose subtext basically just amounts to “Thank god my girlfriend isn’t conventionally attractive so I feel safe.” You’d be horrified. It would be an obvious example of mean-spirited undercutting—totally uncalled for. In all likelihood, he would catch emotional abuse allegations. Even if it’s true or a harmless joke, it doesn’t need to be said publicly in a way that humiliates and devalues your partner. Because when the obvious consequence is public indignity, intentions don’t matter. Anyone with a shred of emotional intelligence and discernment can intuit that.

When you’re repeatedly framed as a harmless, sexless dork, you might start to resent the person doing the framing.

Psychologist John Gottman famously identified contempt, one of the four horsemen of divorce, as the single biggest predictor of a relationship’s collapse. Not conflict, not even infidelity, but the slow, choking accumulation of poisonous scorn. While these TikToks might not begin with contempt, they easily inspire it, not necessarily in the woman filming but in the man being publicly turned into a punchline. 

He might laugh along the first few times, but deep down, no one likes to feel emasculated for clout. When you’re repeatedly framed as a harmless, sexless dork, you might start to resent the person doing the framing. And once that quiet contempt sets in, the relationship is already on borrowed time. 

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand why this Buzzfeed listicle from a few years ago listing the “funniest” TikToks to come out of the trend has broken links in half of the list. I’ll give you one guess. If it wasn’t bad enough to have your girlfriend publicly mock you, now BuzzFeed’s immortalized it as your online legacy. Why not just slap a sign on your forehead that says “Undateable Loser” and call it a day?