The 30-Day Sex Challenge: How to Improve Your Marriage in One Month

Maybe you miss having chemistry, romance, and butterflies, or maybe you just really enjoy sex and are looking for ways to have even more fun with your husband. Either way, whatever end of the spectrum you fall on, you're reading this because you want to level up your marriage, and sex seems like a surprisingly easy (and fun) way to do that. And you're right. Before the challenge itself, though, it's worth asking a simple question: Does sex actually make marriages happier? Or do happier marriages simply have more sex? The answer, unsurprisingly, is a bit of both. Researchers consistently find that sexual satisfaction and marital satisfaction reinforce one another. Couples who report satisfying sex lives also tend to report stronger emotional intimacy, better communication, greater relationship stability, and higher overall happiness. At the same time, emotional intimacy outside the bedroom often improves the intimacy inside it. Researchers consistently find that sexual satisfaction and marital satisfaction reinforce one another. Rather than existing within separate domains, sex and marriage form a feedback loop, with each strengthening the other over time. That's why, for this challenge, you aren't going to wait until you "feel more connected" before prioritizing sex. Though, if you feel your marriage has legitimate structural issues that need to be addressed before resuming intimacy, this challenge is not for you. However, most couples generally fall into the category where both people mean well and have good intent, but life simply got in the way and priorities became misaligned. So, instead of talking about missed opportunities and accidental disconnect to death, this challenge is flipping the script on modern-day therapy-speak and following what relationship data has all but proven for decades: physical intimacy, not beating dead horses, is what creates connection. First Things First There are some things you'll need to commit to before starting this challenge. Radical change means radical changes. And you'll only get out what you put in, so be prepared. This isn't a challenge where you can just go through the motions and still expect results. You have to mean it. Bedroom Bootcamp Here's a quick checklist of all the things you will need to commit to for this challenge: NO PHONES IN BED (move chargers across the room if you have to) NO TV IN THE BEDROOM NO PORN NO MASTURBATION/TOYS WATCH THE SUNRISE EVERY MORNING GET 8 TO 9 HOURS OF SLEEP PER NIGHT EXERCISE AT LEAST 30 MINUTES A DAY Now, let's go over the science behind your new protocol. Couples who have a TV in their bedroom report having less sex than those who don't. Between 40 and 60% of partnered adults say they are sometimes bothered by how often their partner is on the phone, and 51% say their partner is "often or sometimes" distracted by their phone when they are trying to talk. A 2021 study found that "technoference" (computer, phone, TV, tablet use during couple time) is strongly linked with lower relationship and sexual satisfaction. Additionally, a smartphone close to the bed has been shown to decrease the amount and quality of your sleep through multiple mechanisms, such as increased alertness, later bedtimes, and taking longer to fall asleep. All of this is important because female libido, performance, and sexual activity are closely tied to sleep. In a 14-day study of 171 women , it was found that longer sleep time predicted greater next-day sexual desire, and each additional hour of sleep was linked to a 14% higher likelihood of sex. A separate study found that poor sleep quality was associated with significantly higher odds of sexual dysfunction, and good sleep quality was associated with sexual activity the following day. You can't talk yourself into wanting sex. But you can work for it. So, what can be done? After removing all electronics from your bedroom (or at least away from the bed), the best way to heal your circadian rhythm that's been harmed by chronic nighttime screen use is to watch the sunrise. Morning light exposure has been shown to improve sleep quality and, in some cases, increase total sleep duration. So, this needs to become a long-term habit, not just a quick fix. It's your body's natural design for a reason, and it needs to become a health ritual not only for your sex life but for your personal health as well. While you're out watching the sunrise for 10 to 30 minutes, you might as well get your workout in. A 2026 systematic review and meta-analysis concluded that exercise positively affected women's sexual function across domains such as desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction, and pain. And while the immediate, same-day benefits of exercise are related to improvements in physiological arousal, the benefits of long-term practice are systemic. The endocrine, cardiovascular, and nervous systems that you train to generate optimum performance work together to give you your best orgasms ever. All that being said, a circadian reset, proper sleep hygiene, and exercise will do far more for female libido and sexual performance than any intimacy exercise a therapist could recommend. You can't talk your body into good health and balanced hormones. You generally can't talk yourself into wanting sex. But you can work for it. Bridal Bedroom Reset Now on to the fun part. You are going to re-sexify your bedroom and get set up to ritualize sex. Research suggests that individuals who view sex as sacred have the best sex. Specifically, females who view sex as sacred have higher rates of sexual satisfaction, more sex, and more orgasms. However, this belief in "sexual sanctification" is on a scale. Some may believe sex is sacred logically, whereas others not only believe it but feel it. For this challenge, you are going to feel it. And for that, atmosphere is necessary. Perception is reality, and working "backward" through ambiance is how we get there. Your brain can only get you so far in the metaphysical world. To start, you're going to sex-clean your bedroom. You're going to put away any clutter, and once you think you're through, you're going to go to individual items and ask, "Does this spark arousal? Does this help create an environment where I feel relaxed, open, and happy? Does this feel sexy?" If not, get rid of it or put it away somewhere outside your bedroom. As you do this, it's important to note that this exercise is for you, and you alone. Men don't really care where they're having sex, as long as they're having it, but women do. In a UCLA study , researchers found that cortisol levels remained elevated throughout the entire day instead of declining in women who described their home as cluttered or unfinished. They also reported a more depressed mood when compared to their peers. This is important because cortisol is a libido killer. The bedroom is a sacred place , not just a convenient little box where you happen to sleep. It's a place where some of the most sacred and intimate work of your life takes place, where the generative forces of life and love are free-flowing and abundant. As such, it needs to be beautiful, peaceful, and clean. Make it feel like a retreat. Make it feel opulent. A room devoted to the sole purpose of sleeping next to your husband and having sex. It should feel like a bridal suite. It shouldn't be spiking your cortisol. Next, you're going to buy in to this challenge. Behavioral research consistently shows that people are more likely to complete long-term goals when they invest in them, especially when that investment reduces friction and makes them feel like the process has already started. For this, I recommend buying two things, with an optional third. First, purchase a bottle of body oil. Not only does it smell divine, but many men and women find the scent sexually enlivening. The bedroom is a sacred place. Next, buy some pure beeswax candles and candlesticks . Having sex underneath sterile LEDs doesn't always encourage the relaxation necessary for intimacy, and having sex with the lights off can begin to feel monotonous. However, everyone looks good in candlelight. Not only does it add some novelty to the experience, but the natural red light emitted from the beeswax flame is also calming to the nervous system. These two things, scent and the ritual of lighting a candle, are really all you need to prime your body and your room for good, soul-melding sex. But if you want more, an optional item that I always recommend is a cute pajama set or a new set of lingerie that makes you feel confident and comfortable. What we wear has the power to directly influence our thoughts and behavior. So think about it. How much is a better sex life worth to you? Meeting of Hearts Next, what you're going to need to do is have an open discussion about your sex life with your husband. Let him know that you want to do this challenge with him. Discuss what you both enjoy and would like to improve. Then go over the general schedule together so he knows what to expect and can help with the creativity required. My final challenge to you before we get to the schedule is this: Say yes to sex even if you're not quite "in the mood" yet . Female desire is typically responsive in nature , while male desire is spontaneous. At least attempt each event, and if, during foreplay, you're still not feeling it, you can call it. But at least try. To be completely honest, sometimes the best sex happens in the imperfect moments. Perfection creates pressure to be or achieve the impossible. Allowing imperfection to exist is a kindness to the wisdom in your soul that knows there's no such thing as perfect. Your Romance Rotation For the next 30 days, this is your romance calendar. Sunday – Go to church. Pray out loud or meditate with your husband.* Monday – Novelty activity Tuesday – Intimacy activity Wednesday – Hump Day (new sex position day) Thursday – Intimacy activity Friday – Novelty activity Saturday – Intimacy activity (optional sex dare) * Couples who attend church at least once a week tend to have greater marital satisfaction and lower rates of divorce than their counterparts. For simplicity's sake, we've provided novelty , intimacy, sex position, and sex dare "banks" for you to draw from during the corresponding day. You obviously don't have to do the provided activities; you can use them as creative inspiration instead. But you do have to adhere to the schedule for the challenge. Intimacy activities are designed to help you build chemistry and affection outside of sex, and novelty activities are designed to help refresh your sex life by switching up the normal routine. Hump Day is as it sounds. There's nothing wrong with the missionary position, but new things have a way of creating excitement and memories while strengthening bonds. Here are some ideas for each category: Intimacy Activity Bank – massage, five minutes of knee-to-knee eye contact, wash each other in the shower, take a bath together, self-disclosure questions (Gottman Card Decks app), dance together, cuddle while you watch a movie/play video games/read together, go to bed and sleep naked (husband sleeps naked too), spend the day flirting (or learn how and practice on each other), sext him, write each other love letters Novelty Activity Bank – sex by candlelight, sex outside the bedroom, sex in front of a mirror (if possible), all-about-him night (lingam massage, blow job, finish with sex in whatever position he wants), all-about-her night (long foreplay, oral , chase that double orgasm), morning sex , shower sex , sex on a table or desk, lap dance plus sex, tie her hands up before sex, sex with a blindfold, do-what-you're-told night (for him and her), lingerie reveal night, afternoon quickie (who can get the other off the fastest?) Hump Day Bank – reverse cowgirl, doggy style, lazy dog (prone), corkscrew (man stands beside bed, woman lies on side, knees bent toward chest, propped up on hip and forearm), bent over (woman stands against bed and lays her torso over it, man stands behind), missionary with her legs on his shoulders or her knees drawn outside her shoulders, lotus (he sits cross-legged or on knees, she sits on his lap and wraps her legs around his back), side-lying pretzel (woman lies on side and draws top knee to chest, man straddles woman's bottom leg) Sex Dare Bank – sex at a hotel or in a secluded spot in the car, go to a restaurant and talk increasingly dirty to each other, no-underwear date, send him a nude while he's out, skinny dip (for those who live by a secluded lake/river/beach or own a pool), flash him Conclusion Honestly, the most difficult part of this challenge is the setup. The day-to-day challenges and activities are simple and easy to complete for a reason. It doesn't take much to improve your marriage , but it does require your best. And you and your husband deserve nothing less. Want more? Order our latest print magazine now: The Sex Issue!