Many women seem to get themselves into the “talking” stage with guys, which can last for months on end. It’s the absolute worst and can be damaging.
I once knew a girl who dated a man who lived on the other side of the country. At first, I thought, aww, a long-distance relationship.
A couple of months passed by and I asked how the relationship was going. “It’s amazing, we talk every day and connect on so many levels. I think I’ve found the one!” she said. I was happy for her and thought nothing of it.
A few more months went by and I checked in again. “So, how is everything? When do we get to meet this new lover?” She paused for a moment before saying, “Oh, not sure yet. We haven’t actually met IRL, but I’ll probably visit him in a few months. He’s amazing, though, you’ll love him.”
“We haven’t actually met IRL, but I’ll probably visit him in a few months.”
That’s when I knew something was wrong with the picture. They were only talking, but in her mind, they were in a relationship. Her inability to distinguish between reality and fantasy was blinding her to what was really going on between them.
The Ugly Truth about the “Talking” Stage
Many women “talk” to men more than they actively date them. It seems to be a growing trend, especially when you can now bond over text, work email, WhatsApp, Facetime, and social media, without having to meet up in real life. If you're not careful, this weird talking phase can last for months on end, only to fizzle out into nothingness.
Here are five top reasons why the talking stage can be detrimental:
1. It causes you unnecessary stress.
Talking to a man you’re really into and not being able to spend time with him can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. It’s confusing, stressful, it can make you angry, and it feels like torture. To be strung out over a guy you’ve only been on a date with once or twice is unhealthy. Worse if you haven’t met him yet.
To be strung out over a guy you’ve only been on a date with once or twice is unhealthy.
Sure there are exceptions (e.g. you met him online and he’s on military deployment), but generally speaking, if a man spends weeks texting and trying to get to know you, but makes excuses for why he can’t see you in person, something isn’t adding up.
2. You let him get away with being non-committal.
Giving your time and attention away to a man who hasn’t made any effort above texting and calling encourages lazy and sleazy behavior. It doesn’t matter if he promises you the stars and the moon — if he isn’t initiating and making an effort to spend quality time with you IRL, I’m sorry, but he’s playing games. The worst part is you can’t even say anything because you aren’t officially a couple yet. He has zero responsibility, and you’re letting him get away with it.
3. It distracts you from meeting other men.
Many women get so distracted by a man they are “talking” to that they involuntary take themselves off the market just because they like him. They give him exclusive status when they aren’t in an official relationship. They cancel out other potential suitors who actually want to date them because they’re too distracted and too heavily invested in this other guy.
They cancel out other potential suitors who actually want to date them because they’re too distracted.
Why would any self-respecting woman take themselves off the market and claim to be exclusive with someone they are only talking to?
4. You constantly have to explain your situation.
Explaining what the relationship is to your friends and family can be exhausting. You can never give them a straightforward answer, so you make up elaborate explanations and excuses as to why the relationship hasn’t moved towards something more serious. If this continues over a prolonged period, you may even start to believe the excuses yourself.
5. It wastes your time.
Quite frankly, it’s a waste of time and energy. It’s also exhausting, hurtful, and it drains you.
Of course, there needs to be a period where you get to know each other before deciding whether you BOTH (the key word here) want to be in an official relationship. Official means that you’re a couple, you aren’t talking to or dating other people, and you spend quality time together.
The talking stage doesn’t need to be a thing that lasts forever. If a man doesn’t know whether he wants to progress the relationship after a couple of months, do you really want to waste more time on a man who is so unsure about you?