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Relationships

Porn Has Made A Generation Of Men Lousy In Bed

By Keelia Clarkson·· 3 min read
porn gives men false expectations

With the rise of pornography addictions comes the fall of true intimacy and satisfaction in our romantic relationships.

It’s become part of our generation’s culture to mishandle sex. We grow up hearing from all the kids at school and the TV shows we consume about how great it is, how a romantic relationship simply can’t survive without it, but we’re also fed the narrative that it’s just fun and shouldn’t mean too much. That meaningless sex is not only possible, but good for us. 

Our society’s decision to simultaneously glorify and devalue sex has not only put us in a precarious position, but it’s wreaked havoc on our romantic relationships — far too many of the men we date (actually, far too many of us in general) watch porn regularly due to our constant need for sexual stimulation and our rather cheap, impatient attitude towards it.

A whopping 70% of men admit that they frequent a porn website at least once a month.

All this has led to a generation of men who are just lousy lovers.

Porn Addictions Are Rampant

Full-blown porn addictions (watching at least twelve hours a week) affect around 8% of the population. While that doesn’t sound like a whole lot of people, a whopping 70% of men admit that they frequent a porn website at least once a month. 93.2% of boys said they’d been exposed to porn before turning 18, and the average age at which kids first see porn is only 11.

The average age at which kids first see porn is only 11.

It’s safe to say that our society is pretty obsessed with porn. And though it would be incorrect to describe this obsession as a clinical addiction, it’s far more rampant than many of us may realize. And these days, it’s easier than ever to come by porn — 30% of all data on the internet is pornography. 

But it doesn’t stop there anymore. While porn used to be consumed in secretive privacy, all alone in your room, now it’s splayed across the big screen. Wildly popular shows like Game of Thrones, The Witcher, and Outlander are famous for gratuitous, steamy sex scenes that, if we’re honest, aren’t far off from soft-core porn.

Why Porn Ruins a Relationship

From extreme, unrealistic body standards to impersonal interactions, to emboldening viewers to consider women simply as objects of male pleasure, it’s clear to see just how much watching porn regularly can mess with a man’s ability to invest in his relationship’s intimacy. The depiction of violence, aggression, and the basic dehumanization of women is hugely normalized, and male pleasure is often seen as the only goal of any sexual encounter, disregarding the woman’s thoughts, feelings, and even satisfaction.

The depiction of violence, aggression, and the basic dehumanization of women is hugely normalized.

Not to mention, studies have shown that consuming porn while in a relationship leads to a higher likelihood of infidelity and less overall commitment in the relationship. Studies have also found that men who regularly watched it found their partner less sexually attractive, many times resulting in a general loss of interest in intimacy with that partner — often because their real-life partner doesn’t “match up” to the fantasy image of a partner conjured up by watching porn.

Closing Thoughts

The studies have spoken: porn consumption does in fact negatively affect our romantic relationships, but in ways far deeper than we previously knew. It only serves to create insecurity, unrealistic expectations, and desensitization — three things that will kill any relationship.

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