This pandemic has brought on the blues for ALL of us. From social distancing, to working from home, to covering our faces, etc., our ability to interact personally with others has been greatly diminished, and with it, our self-esteem. But is even a global pandemic a good enough reason to get back together with your ex?
The answer is: Let’s analyze.
Bennifer Is Back
When we see famous couples like Bennifer (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez), Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott, and many others rekindling their long-lost romances, it’s easy to...ummm... romanticize the situation, without really taking into account the reason why these couples broke up in the first place.
“It felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest,” J.Lo wrote about her first split with Affleck in her memoir True Love.
Yikes! That doesn’t sound fun.
These “new-old” relationships usually fail because the people haven’t changed.
After years of dealing with emotional heartbreaks and relationship failures, you would think that Jennifer Lopez would be more selective when it comes to picking a new partner, but as it turns out, she decided to look in the leftovers closet to see who was hanging out in there.
Now, I’m not trying to throw shade. I’m sure the girl can handle her own. But it wasn’t so long ago that America was in a state of anger against Ben Affleck for cheating on his then-wife, Jennifer Garner, in her own house with their nanny. The many pictures of Jennifer Garner crying and attempting to piece her life back together, while Ben had already moved on and was seen drinking and partying, literally broke our hearts.
And yes, maybe he’s reformed. But maybe not. He’s just been moving from one relationship to the next, without much down-time to reflect or improve. Does a tiger change its stripes? Well…we’ll see.
Have They Changed for the Better?
The reason why I believe these “new-old” relationships are bound to fail is that — usually — there’s no evidence whatsoever that these people have done anything to change their old ways. No down-time, no self-reflection, no visible maturity, no life goals achieved, no…nothing.
In the case of Ben Affleck, he now comes with many more miles and his engine is addicted to ethanol, if you catch my drift. Now, addiction is something that a relationship can help you work through, but nobody should be tying themselves to someone else if it means you have to be their babysitter (although Ben does seem to like nannies).
People need to fix themselves, and believe it or not, some people never do.
The purpose of a relationship is for two people who are grown, mature, and have learned from their past mistakes to join forces and create a meaningful and happy, long-lasting bond. And as with anybody, problems will happen and you should help out your partner when they do, but the purpose of the relationship shouldn’t be to try to fix somebody. NOBODY can fix anyone. People need to fix themselves, and believe it or not, some people never do.
What Needs To Happen First If You Want to Get Back Together
Speaking of self-reflection, why would you want to get back together with your ex? Do you really love him and miss him? And are you willing to accept him for who he is, flaws and all? Or are you just feeling lonely during these social distancing times? Did you both have a conversation about the problems that led to the initial break up and how to fix them?
See, I broke up with my partner and then got back together a week later. We missed each other dearly and decided to sit down and have a long conversation about everything that bothered us, how we could overcome or live with it, and all that there could be in store for us in the future.
Have a conversation about the problems that led to the initial break up and how to fix them.
It was with the result of this conversation that we made a rational decision to get back together, and we have been happy ever since. We didn’t ignore the bad things. We worked through and addressed them all. We talked about it and have both become better partners for each other.
There’s always a chance a relationship will be that way, but in the end, being together has to bring you peace and happiness, and that’s a decision that needs to be made rationally. With mutual respect, love, affection, and dignity. You deserve all that.
Decide then why you want to get back with your ex. Do you just miss him, how he made you feel, or who you are when you’re with him? Can you handle all his flaws…again? The heartbreak….again? These are some of the questions you need to answer for yourself when thinking of getting back together with an ex.
Remember that you decide your worth, and if someone will not respect you or grow with you, then — Thank you…next!
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