Olivia Wilde Exposes Everything Wrong With Divorce Culture In Her Call Her Daddy Confession

In a recent nearly two-hour interview on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast, the Thirteen actress Olivia Wilde gets incredibly candid. She shared about the media storm surrounding her emaciated-looking red-carpet photo, being served custody court papers on stage, and she even spilled on her relationship with Harry Styles and Don’t Worry Darling’s Spitgate. But one particular story is getting the lion’s share of headlines, and I believe it’s the most consequential of them all. 

“He Doesn’t Know Me Anymore”

Olivia Wilde said she could pinpoint the exact moment she knew her seven-year engagement to fiancé and father of her two children, Ted Lasso actor Jason Sudeikis, was over. She recalled riding home from her birthday party when she asked what he’d bought her. "And he said, 'What would I get you, Olivia? I don't know you.' And he wasn't wrong.” 

It’s worth noting Sudeikis' different account of their dissolution. But that hasn’t stopped the media from turning Wilde’s story into relationship advice. The headlines are already framing this as sage relationship wisdom, with one calling it a “tell-tale sign a couple should break up.”

While losing sight of each other’s interests is undoubtedly troubling, it’s incredibly damaging to inject into our culture that this is grounds for relationship termination rather than a warning sign. And it’s an especially risky message considering we're already struggling with long-term commitment.

Growing Apart is a Warning Sign, Not a Relationship Death Knell

For as long as I can remember, it has always gutted me to hear couples say their marriage didn’t work because they “just grew apart” or “the love wasn’t there anymore.” Recognizing that you’ve grown apart is devastating. But since when did growing apart become a culturally accepted justification for ending a lifelong covenant? 

Something that strikes me is that “we just grew apart” or “the love wasn’t there anymore” are intentionally passive. But you didn’t reach that end through passivity. There were hundreds of small active choices to place each other on the back burner while other parts of life were pushed to the top. We all fall prey to it now and again. Jobs, kids, friends, and even self-care get the peak spots on our schedules. Our spouses will always be there; they will care the least if we bump them to the last… just for today. But we don’t just wake up as strangers. It takes years of intentional decisions to make the person parenting with you, sleeping next to you, and living with you a total stranger. 

It takes years of intentional decisions to make the person parenting with you, sleeping next to you, and living with you a total stranger. 

Coincidentally, Wilde’s latest film mirrors parts of her personal story. It centers on a miserable stay-at-home mom whose husband no longer knows her or shows interest. She struggles in her marriage and entertains invites to "open the marriage" from sexy neighbors.

Yet, something that really perplexes me about Olivia Wilde’s story is that strong relationships, especially marriages, anticipate seasons of monotony and distance. There will always be challenges. The problem isn’t that couples emotionally drift, but that too often they think they can’t find their way back. 

And when curiosity fades, that's where commitment should kick in.

The U.S. Marriage Commitment Crisis

Olivia Wilde’s admission reflects so much more than just her own dissolved relationship. And although they were engaged, her reasoning is shared by divorced millions across the country. In fact, the data shows that, by far, most Americans cite lack of commitment as their primary reason for divorce. Not financial ruin, not adultery, not abuse. As one divorce attorney recently shared, the majority of her clients are not “willing to put in the work.” But as mentioned above, lack of commitment doesn’t just appear by happenstance overnight. It’s many choices not to choose each other. You stop connecting one-on-one; when you do, it’s about logistics. You assume you know everything there is to discover about each other; you no longer pursue emotionally. When big decisions happen, as some marriage counselors say, you’re passively “sliding” into a major life event vs. deciding as a team what to do. All of these things over time can lead to behaviors experts call the "four horsemen" of divorce, or tell-tale warning signs that your marriage needs attention: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. 

Love as an Expression or as a Covenant?

On the surface, Olivia Wilde’s birthday revelation about Jason Sudeikis is jarring because, as the father of her children and her husband, he should know her better than anyone else, but he even fails to know what gift to buy. But truly knowing someone is not the same as knowing their material preferences. Over the span of a long relationship, it’s expected that you’ll have changing tastes, hobbies, and even personalities.

If every change or lull in the feelings of love is interpreted as evidence you’re in a relationship with the wrong person, then you’ve never given commitment a chance to do its best work.

In a tough season of marriage, I may not know exactly what my husband wants for his birthday, but I still know his character. I know the man I married and his heart. The man who carried me through every minute of a difficult C-section, who diligently parents our children and stands beside me for the highs and lows of our relationship. Even if we outwardly evolve with each passing year, we still respect and have intimate knowledge of each other’s heart, values, and character. Because if every change or lull in the feelings of love is interpreted as evidence you’re in a relationship with the wrong person, then you’ve never given commitment a chance to do its best work.

We can choose to see love as the reality of our emotions, or we can choose to see it as a deeper, binding commitment. 

The Way Back to Each Other

The lesson from Olivia Wilde's story shouldn't be that a relationship is over the moment you realize you've stopped knowing each other. In fact, it should be the opposite. That moment should be an invitation to turn back toward one another.

Healthy relationships aren't built on perpetual fascination or always knowing the person’s preferences. They’re built on a promise that, when curiosity or love fluctuates, you won't simply walk away. We've been taught to believe that when love stops feeling exciting or our spouse becomes unfamiliar, the relationship has reached its expiration date. But commitment exists precisely for the seasons when affection fluctuates, novelty disappears, and two people must decide whether they're willing to do the work of finding each other again.

Curiosity is a gift in marriage. But commitment is what protects it until it returns.