My Husband And I Have Been Married For 26 Years. Here's What I've Learned.

Judah and I have known each other our whole lives. Literally. Our moms were friends when they were pregnant with us, and they joked that they would have a boy and a girl and they would get married. A lot of years and three kids later, that joke became our life.

People ask me all the time what drew us to each other, and the honest answer is that there was always just chemistry. Even when we were young, there was a natural pull. As we grew up and grew in our faith, there was so much cohesion between us, so much that just fit. We were really grateful for that. And it's wild and amazing to get to know somebody more and more over the course of your life. The more you know them, the more you love them. And yes, the more annoyed you get. But truly, the more you love them.

We've been married for 26 years now. That sentence still shocks me a little. But when people ask what's kept us together, I always come back to the same things.

There is something so significant about knowing that there is a time in the week that is set aside for just the two of you.

The first is a weekly date night. My parents had one every Friday when I was growing up. They were religious about it, and I'm so grateful they gave us the gift of that example. Judah and I picked it up, and after 26 years and half of an empty nest, Thursday nights are still our night. There is something so significant about knowing that there is a time in the week that is set aside for just the two of you. You're going to look at each other from across the table, go on a walk, do something fun together, and know that time was made just for you.

The other thing that has really meant a lot is having something we're building together that is outside of ourselves. Our family is one of those things, obviously, but we also work together and build church and community together. Even having something outside your normal comfort zone, whether that's serving in your local community or working on a shared project, is really significant for a marriage.

Now, conflict. It inevitably comes up, and I actually love when people phrase it that way, because the first thing I want to say is: conflict is not a sign that something is wrong. I see conflict as two unique, strong people who have strong opinions that don't always line up. When it happens, one of the best things Judah and I have done is form what we call rules of engagement. What are the ways we're going to handle conflict when it comes up, not if it comes up?

Conflict is not a sign that something is wrong.

One of the big ones is the old phrase "never say never." It's so easy to point fingers and say "you always" and "you never." We're feeling some kind of way, so we exaggerate and we hurt each other. Instead, we've worked on communicating with "I feel" language. Saying, "Hey, when you didn't do the dishes, it made me feel overlooked," instead of "You never help around the house." It sounds small, but that shift changes everything.

If you want to know how Judah and I incorporate faith and prayer into our marriage, the honest answer is that it has been a saving grace. Not in a cute, throw-it-on-a-pillow kind of way, but in the moments when we are in conflict and we feel like we want to go in two completely different directions. There is this mutual understanding between us that God is in charge and we are, together, going to surrender to His plan. That conviction has carried us through more than I can describe.

The advice I would give to any couple wanting to build a marriage centered on faith? Do it personally. So often, we think, "If only my husband would pray more" or "If only my wife would do this spiritual practice." But in a lot of ways, we can really only grow our own faith and then help each other grow. Work on your own, and see what beautiful things come as a result.

Chelsea Smith is the co-pastor of Churchome alongside her husband, Judah Smith. Together, they lead a global church community with locations in Seattle and Los Angeles. Judah is a New York Times bestselling author, has been featured on Lana Del Rey's album Did You Know That There's a Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd, and has served as a spiritual mentor to Justin Bieber.

This year, Judah and Chelsea have partnered with Glorify, the leading Christian daily devotional app, to launch a three-part course on recalibrating faith, habits, and relationships for the new year. Judah leads "Bad Thoughts," drawing from his bestselling book on overcoming negative thoughts. Chelsea offers "Developing a Rhythm of Rest," exploring sabbath rhythms and digital boundaries in an age of constant noise. The course culminates with "I Do," where they teach together on covenant love and the spiritual foundations of partnership, sharing tools from 26 years of marriage.