My Husband And I Go To Couples Therapy Once A Month, And I Recommend It To Everyone Who Wants A Strong Marriage

My husband and I were never even close to breaking up, but we decided to do couples therapy once a month to help us work through some communication issues and lay a strong foundation for our marriage. It ended up being one of the best decisions we ever made.

By Zoey Carter4 min read
happy couple

When you hear of a married couple going to therapy, the threat of divorce immediately comes to mind. After all, why would any husband and wife duo feel the need to go to a counseling session unless they were on the brink of a breakup? At least, that's what used to go through my mind when I heard of any couples going to therapy. Personally, I was never someone who found value in going to talk therapy. I had gone to a few sessions in the past, only because it was free through my university, but I didn't walk away feeling particularly happier.

When my husband and I welcomed our first child into the world, I was amazed at how much it altered our universe. They always say that having a baby will change everything, but there are no words to describe just how different everything is once you're holding your newborn for the first time. My husband and I faced some unique challenges when our baby was born, the type of challenges that most couples will never face in a lifetime. After the dust settled and we fell into the rhythm of parenting, I noticed that there were some blockages that prevented us from communicating successfully, and I started to feel like there was a little resentment building up. By no means did I feel like we were on the brink of a breakup, but I had this feeling that it might help to have an unbiased third party help us work through some obstacles.

We found a therapist with decades of experience (who was also Christian, as this was important to us), and we've been going to see him once a month. It has turned out to be one of the best things we have ever done for our relationship, and I honestly recommend couples therapy to everyone who is married because, even if things are going great in our marriage, I'm always wondering what we can do to improve our marriage even more. My marriage and our family is the most important thing in the whole world to me, so why not do everything we can to make it the best marriage and family possible? These are the three main ways going to couples therapy has strengthened our relationship.

It Gives Us Useful Communication Tools

My husband and I couldn't be more different in terms of how we communicate. I'm an outgoing extrovert who says everything on her mind; meanwhile, my husband is the kind of man who says exactly what he means and only speaks when it serves a specific purpose. Additionally, when confrontation arises, I'm the sort of person who wants to fight it out, right then and there. I have easy access to anger, and I have no problem expressing my anger as soon as it arises. However, my husband is the type of guy who prefers to cool off, gather his thoughts, and then have a conversation when things aren't heated. For him, he would rather not say anything at all than say something we regret, because words can't be unsaid.

My husband and I couldn't be more different in terms of how we communicate.

Our therapist helped us work through these communication differences, so we now have a few tools in our belt when we get into a disagreement and we don't know how to resolve it quickly. He also helped us understand each other's communication styles much better, which helped prevent many, many pointless arguments at home. There's no such thing as a happily married couple who doesn't ever argue, so instead of pretending like disagreements don't happen, we found it much more useful to learn how to approach disagreements so that we can overcome them quickly rather than letting them spiral into anything worse.

It Provides Us Opportunities To Open Up About Past Traumas

I don't use the word trauma lightly because my husband and I have lived through our own traumatic histories that have helped shape who we are today and how we see the world. He and I have worked through them independently, so the goal of couples therapy was not to help us overcome these traumas, but rather to simply understand what kind of traumas each of us has been through in the past. Life gets so busy, and even though you spend many hours with your spouse, it's easy to miss those windows of opportunity that allow for vulnerable, heart-opening conversations. It's these very conversations that help married couples foster more intimacy and grow closer together.

Our therapist opened the door for us to talk honestly about the immense grief we felt when we lost a parent, the pain and anger we faced when we were lied to for years by our parents, etc. These are not easy conversations to have, and because life gets in the way so easily, these are the types of conversations that my husband and I don't have very often. Sitting down in a couples therapy session with a third party allowed for us to revisit some of these memories, share them with each other vulnerably, and, most importantly, really get to know each other on a much deeper level. I remember walking out of a therapy session a couple of months ago and feeling so much closer to my husband. I felt like we had peeled back a layer of ourselves that allowed us to connect even more meaningfully.

Men especially have a tough time opening up, especially when it comes to painful memories of their past. My husband is a very stoic, steady man who is the same every single day, no matter what. I love that about him, but that tough exterior can be difficult to break through. It helps that our therapist is a man and that he's a husband and father; he has helped my husband open up about certain topics that were previously closed off.

Our therapist has helped my husband open up about certain topics that were previously closed off.

It's a Chance for Us To Talk About Uncomfortable Topics with a Referee Present

When you have children in the house, it can feel impossible to find time to yourselves as a married couple, let alone find time to verbally work through some obstacles you may be facing. Having a set time each month to go see a therapist has helped us process some of the bigger disagreements we've had as a couple. Instead of letting things fester, we bring the difficult topics to our therapist, and he guides us through working them out. He also is an unbiased party who can tell us frankly when one of us is being unreasonable or when one of us is making a good point that is going unnoticed.

If we run into a particularly sticky disagreement, but we don't have time to fully hash it out because we have to continue being parents, we flag the issue in the back of our minds and bring it to our monthly therapy session. The best benefit of this is knowing that resentment won't get built up, and there is always an upcoming outlet to help us work through the difficult stuff.

Closing Thoughts

There are probably many couples out there who are perfectly happy and successful in their marriage without therapy, just like there are plenty of couples out there who find a lot of use in therapy. It really comes down to you and your spouse at the end of the day. If you feel like it might be helpful, find a therapist who is a good fit for you and give it a shot. We have been so grateful for the couples therapy we have received so far and hope it can prove helpful for many marriages out there, especially the ones that are struggling.

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