Men Use The Image Of Female Perfection To Motivate Themselves—Here’s How It Works

When it comes time to attract a female mate , the bowerbird tries to make himself as appealing as possible. He does this by building structures and decorating them with various objects like leaves and twigs. The more ornate and engaging the structure, the more successful the bowerbird is at getting a female to choose him from among the other competitors. In a way, modern dating and courtship exist on the same plane. As a species we couldn’t be more different than the bowerbird, but the ritualistic aspect of attraction and mating has startling similarities. Think about it. If you’re at a bar with your girlfriends, who are you more likely to notice? The wallflower hugging his beer and barely making eye contact with anyone, or the goofball up on stage belting his heart out to bad karaoke in front of tons of strangers? The central concept is the same. Men use the image of female perfection to motivate themselves to a higher calling with greater rewards. Here’s how it works. The Tom Sawyer Story If you need a more human illustration of how this phenomenon works, consider the character of Tom from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain. Twain remains one of America’s greatest literary figures, and during his time he was the most famous satirist and humorist in the country. Twain chose to center the narrative voices of his novels around the lives and misadventures of children, but this was really a genius artistic choice on his part. Not only did Twain corner the market on the Great American novel, but he simultaneously crafted exciting stories for children and witty satire for adults. Many know Twain for Huck Finn, but Tom Sawyer is arguably Twain’s most unforgettable hero. At the risk of rewriting an entire fifth grade book report, Twain’s novel chronicles the life of an orphan living with his aunt and younger brother in 1840s Missouri. Through the course of the novel, 12-year-old Tom falls in love with the daughter of a local judge. When he sees that Becky Thatcher isn’t so easily swayed by words, Tom commits to doing everything he can to win her heart. This starts with him perilously walking across a high fence to get her attention and even tricking other children to win a prized Bible in Sunday school (which he later loses by failing to answer basic questions about the Bible. If you know, you know). Tom eventually rescues Becky from a mishap in a cave, and Twain’s tale has a happy ending, but even a cute love story between two 12-year-olds can give us insight into human behavior, which Twain was a master at exploring through his works. We Don’t Understand Men How many times have we said it, or heard our moms, sisters, and friends say it? “I don’t understand men.” Maybe men aren’t meant to be understood by us, but that’s a different topic for a different time. Regardless, the majority of a man’s behavior can be extremely puzzling to us , whether it’s acting like a middle schooler who never grew out of their class clown phase or not loading the dishwasher just the way we like it. A man makes time for what he’s interested in, so if he’s interested in you, nothing will get in his way. You don’t have to be a clinical psychologist , behavioral analyst, or anthropologist to know that the way men go about certain things is weird. Their logic for why they do what they do, even when they explain it to us, is something we probably won’t understand, just as they wouldn’t understand why we do the things we do. We know that certain signals or subtlety may fail to reach the object of our affections, but we should never mistake the signs a man sends us . Not every man is a master of reading female emotions , but whether intentionally or unintentionally, he does send us very clear messages about how he thinks of us. If you’re in the dreaded “talking phase” with a crush and he just isn’t getting back to you, or the conversation is like pulling teeth, you're probably better off investing your time and energy elsewhere. If a guy says he’s too busy to hang out or too busy to date (but always seems to be down to talk at 2 a.m., if you know what I mean), again, you’re better off elsewhere. After all, a man – and we’re talking about men here, not boys, guys, or dudes – makes time for the things he’s interested in, and if he’s interested in pursuing you , nothing will get in his way. So what does it look like when a guy is very, very interested? Well, he might just build a proverbial bowerbird structure or balance on a picket fence just to get your attention. But the gestures, the actions, the words, however crazy or wild they might seem, aren’t really about getting your attention, but about something much deeper and more profound. Encouraging Chivalry Consider if you will for a moment all the great artistic masterpieces and the muses behind them: the Mona Lisa, John Everett Millais’ Ophelia , Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline,” or Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl.” Not every woman is behind a great artist, but women have inspired artists to create the greatest works of their time. Dr. Jordan Peterson calls this “the eternal image of the feminine.” Femininity is a power that only women have, and it’s inspired everything from the Trojan War to songs by The Beatles. To men, the eternal image of the feminine is a cause worth pursuing and worth fighting for. It inspires men to create, to pursue, and to love. And we as women don’t always understand that because we believe that if a guy’s simping over us, rejection is the better option. The eternal image of the feminine inspires men to create, to pursue, and to love. This isn’t always the case though, as there’s a distinct difference between a man simping for you and a man pursuing you. Female perfection and the power of femininity motivate men to be their best selves . A woman, without even knowing it, has the ability to motivate a man to do almost anything. The best way we as women can participate in this natural process (again, remember the bowerbird) is to encourage chivalry. Chivalry is the opposite of simping. It motivates men to exhibit their masculinity in healthy, productive ways that aren’t creepy or cringey and creates an ideal archetype for both younger men and women to exemplify and pursue. Chivalry allows women to be their fully feminine selves , and encourages masculinity, and we should be encouraging that behavior, not rejecting it. Whether he’s opening your car door for you or teaching you a new skill, allowing him to be the chivalrous man nature is telling him to be gives you the freedom to be the woman you were born to be. Closing Thoughts If you’ve ever considered why a guy’s making a fool out of himself whenever he’s around you, consider the possibility that he’s into you! He’s not just an idiot or a moron, and the sooner you pick up on it, the sooner you can channel that energy and motivation into chivalry – which benefits both of you and makes you the best possible version of yourselves. Readers make our world go round. Make your voice heard in the official Evie reader survey .