A man on Reddit has gone viral after asking the audience if he was the "assh*le" for wanting to leave his wife after he found her "go bag." For context, a go bag (full of essentials or cash) is packed by women in case they need to leave a dangerous home or abusive relationship in a hurry.
Here's his viral story that has since been deleted: This Redditor and his wife have been together for five years. They have a 2-year-old child and desire a bigger family. Apparently, the house they're living in has a mold problem, so he inspected the entire house, including his wife's closet. What he found shocked him. "There I found a gym bag with clothes, some dry fruits, some tampons and like $1000," he wrote. "I asked my wife about it, and her face suddenly lost its color."
His wife explained that it was for emergencies in case of natural disasters. He pressed her some more until she confessed that it was a "go bag" with essentials that women take with them to flee abusive homes. The husband was confused. "I asked her why exactly does she ever feel the need to do this. I have never even talked to her in a loud voice, we have barely any arguments, why does she think that I am gonna become an abuser?" he asked.
The wife responded by saying that he's not an abuser but that she just wanted to do it for the "peace of her mind." After a couple of days, the husband decided that he did not want to be with someone who saw him as an abuser. His wife explained that she might have read too many "mommy forums" and was influenced by them, and she showed him the pages of women discussing "go bags." Finally, the man asked the forum if he is in the wrong.
In case you're wondering what the majority said, many agreed that the husband was the *sshole in the situation. "OP should consider a less drastic course of action. Marriage counseling certainly. I get his reaction – loss of trust – but because there’s a small child involved, going nuclear is going too far," read one comment.
Someone else added, "OP’s extreme reaction here makes me wonder if we are missing some information about how he interacts with her. Abusers tend to overreact and paint themselves as the victim when they are called out on their behaviour. Just speculating—not accusing."
Another man who was in an abusive relationship shared his experience with abuse and why he will always have a go bag. "TBH from someone who was out of the blue, suddenly strangled, kicked out of my home in winter in my underwear and had my phone, tablet, and pushbike entirely detroyed, and not allowed access to my own home.....i will always have a grab bag now," he said. "It may not be that she doesnt trust you, it may be that she knows someone whos been through it, or even herself before. I struggle with trust now after finding out all the things he was doing behind my back too. I learnt to cover my bases in any outcome."
Where do I begin? The story could be fake, but there's still a good lesson that we can take from this. We don't know what this man's behavior is like at home. There's a possibility of him being aggressive or verbally abusive. Or maybe there was a reason why she felt like she needed a go bag, like she had a terrible past and has trust issues and deep-rooted fears. On the other hand, she may have simply read too many forums and should have talked to her husband about her fears.
However, I agree with a lot of commenters – he is jumping the gun too quickly by considering divorce instead of seeking marriage counseling with his wife. One of my concerns was how the original poster did not talk about his kid or worry about him. If their marriage was truly on the rocks and divorce was the best option, my child would be my top priority. Instead, he's arguing with commenters who kindly tell him to try speaking to his wife.
I would be taken aback if I found my spouse's go bag, in his defense, but I'd still try my best to sit down and understand where she's coming from and why she's so scared. I'd ask if I'd done anything wrong.
At the end of the man's post, he wrote in broken English, "I agreed to take more time to think about it but I think divorce will let her find a man she trusts not and not to be an abuser, because she does not trust me." It seems he's already set and won't change his mind.
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