Just Got Engaged? Here’s What You Need To Do Before Saying “I Do”

Seeing the man you love get down on one knee is one of life’s most incredible moments, and the engagement period is one of hope, eager anticipation, and pure elation.

By Molly Farinholt2 min read
Shutterstock/Vitalii Vitleo

Those months between the proposal and your vows shouldn’t be whisked away in a whirlwind of giddy gaiety, though. They should be regarded with great intentionality and a dose of joyful seriousness. Here are some ways to do just that.

Don’t Get Ahead of Yourselves 

While you have made the promise, you have not yet said the vows. Avoid acting like you’re married until the wedding bands have been exchanged. Disrupting the natural order of things will only disrupt the harmony in your relationship. The joy will be that much greater when there are changes to eagerly anticipate after the wedding such as moving in together, sleeping together, and combining finances. 

Better Yourself

Take this time to reflect upon ways in which you can become a better version of yourself. You will soon be taking on new roles as husband and wife, so it’s worth thinking about ways in which you can grow as you move into this next phase of life. Focus on qualities and habits that will create peace and deeper love in marriage such as listening well to others, accepting constructive criticism, or learning how to manage your anxiety. 

Focus on qualities and habits that will create peace and deeper love in marriage.

Discuss the Important Things 

Don’t leave conversations about work, finances, divorce, children, and religion for another time. You want to enter marriage on the same page as each other, so work on getting there (or confirming that you’re already there) now. If you disagree on something fundamental (such as whether or not you want children), it’s best to sort through things before saying “I do.” Remember that marriage means completely joining your life to another; two become one. There’s not much room for major differences. 

Start Planning for Your Future Together 

While you don’t want to get ahead of yourselves and start your married life together before you’re actually married, it’s wise to begin planning for what that life will look like. Work on things like creating a budget together, beginning to apartment/house hunt, and even figuring out how you will split time between families during the holidays. Set yourselves up well so as to alleviate initial difficulties in your marriage. 

Focus on the Marriage, Not the Wedding

It can be easy to get caught up in the wedding planning and spend the entire engagement consumed by floral arrangements and seating charts. It’s important to take a step back and remember that you’re preparing for a marriage, not simply a wedding. Enjoy the planning together, but don’t allow it to create any rifts either between the two of you or between you and family members. 

Enjoy the planning together, but don’t allow it to create any rifts.

Seek Advice from Seasoned Couples 

Marriage is a huge life change, and no one has it all figured out in the beginning. The advice of those who have already been married for some time can be a great source of wisdom and comfort for you as you prepare to enter into this new life together. Ask friends and family for their bits of insight. Discuss their advice and how it may be implemented in your life together. 

Keep up Your Other Relationships 

Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean that you have to spend all of your time with your fiancé. Of course, your main priorities should be each other, but it’s also very healthy to spend time apart from each other. Get together with your friends and encourage him to do the same. 

Get together with your friends and encourage him to do the same. 

Find Joy in the Present 

You’ll likely feel like a child during the week before Christmas when you’re engaged. All you want is for your wedding day to finally arrive. Don’t wish this time away, though. Live in the present and love each moment. You will cherish these memories for a lifetime to come. 

Closing Thoughts

Congratulations on saying ‘yes’ to a life of love! Set yourself and your future husband up for marital success by embracing engagement for what it is — a crucial, delightful time of preparation.