Is Your Relationship On The Rocks? Here’s How To Know If It Can Be Saved

We’re all well aware that relationships aren’t necessarily easy . As much as we love someone, cultivating a healthy, mature, positive relationship doesn’t come without putting in work, learning how to forgive , and choosing to be gentle more than once. But there comes a point where a relationship becomes too much work. It starts to feel like the relationship is more negative than it is positive, like we’re fighting more than anything else, like we’re being held back by the relationship. We begin to wonder whether or not this relationship can be saved from the trajectory it’s clearly on. So how can we know if our relationship is one that can be saved? How do we tell if it’s time to walk away, or if we should keep trying to make things work? Here are a few questions to consider. How Long Have You Been Together? While we shouldn’t ever stay in a relationship simply because we’ve been together longer than a certain amount of time, the reality is that the longer we’ve been in a relationship, the more it makes sense to at least attempt to save it. If a relationship is going south within the first few months of being together (during which we’re normally still in the honeymoon phase ), this is a sure sign that things will only continue to get worse. If it’s been a year or longer, the stakes are much higher, making it prudent to think long and hard about whether we want to throw the relationship away. Does Your Boyfriend Want To Fight for the Relationship? A relationship is made up of two, whole, engaged people. For it to bloom, for any issues to be improved, and for there to be a way forward, both sides must be equally invested, willing to exert the effort it requires to cultivate a good relationship. When deciphering if our relationship is one that can be saved, we can’t only take our desires into account – our boyfriend has to want the relationship, too. Without his willing participation in rebuilding the relationship, it can’t ever improve or strengthen. For there to be a way forward, both of you must be equally invested in improving the relationship. How Does the Thought of Ending Things Make You Feel? When we allow them to, our feelings can tell us much more than our mind can – especially in relationships. We might tend towards making pro and con lists, thinking through our relationship’s challenges like they’re a puzzle to be solved, but sometimes, it’s worth listening to what our gut is telling us. Does the thought of ending the relationship make us upset? Or does it almost feel like a relief? Is it too sad to even think about? Simply being honest with what we feel when we think about ending things might give us our answer. Are You Able To Be Vulnerable and Honest with Your Boyfriend? A relationship without open communication , trust, and candidness will never work. If our relationship has had more of these qualities in times past, it might be worth it to work on the relationship and rekindle them, bringing it back to a healthy spot. However, if we don’t entirely feel able to be vulnerable and honest with our boyfriend about what we’ve been thinking, or how his comment hurt us, or how we’re having doubts, this could be a sign that the relationship’s structure isn’t one that can withstand very much. And if he’s invalidated our feelings, shut down our thoughts, and ignored our needs, that’s an even bigger red flag . A relationship without open communication, trust, and candidness will never work. Do You Have a Pattern of Ending Relationships the Second Things Get Hard? Most of us have patterns – we just won’t immediately recognize them. Whether we’re a serial dater, an always-single girl, or something in between, chances are that we’ve fallen into patterns over the course of our dating life. One pattern to watch out for? Wanting out of a relationship the second it’s not easy anymore. Before we call it quits, it’s essential that we honestly ask ourselves if we want to end things simply because the fairytale period is over – this will only lead to a string of short-lived relationships. Do You Feel Safe Staying in the Relationship? We might’ve been with someone for a few years already; maybe the thought of ending things can make us tear up immediately, and we’re trying our best to make good on the commitment we made. But if we were to be painfully honest, we don’t feel totally safe with him. It’s crucial that, above anything else, we feel safe with our significant other. We have to trust their intentions, not worrying for our mental, emotional, or physical safety. If we don’t feel safe with him , nothing else we attempt to do to save the relationship will alleviate our lack of safety. Closing Thoughts It’s not always easy to know when it’s worth it to fight for a relationship that’s become more difficult than loving, or more stale than passionate. But relationships take work – and this means that there are times when our relationship is worth saving and rebuilding rather than starting all over. Don’t miss anything! Sign up for our weekly newsletter and get curated content weekly!