I'm Using An AI Matchmaker To Find My Soulmate: Here's How It's Going

By October, I was ready to venture out into dating. Naturally, I figured the apps were the best place to start. So far though, what I’ve found disappointing is how many guys have swiped right on me who clearly haven’t even glanced at my profile. I’ve written that I want to have kids; their profile says they don’t. I’ve written that I’m Christian/Agnostic; their profile says they’re an atheist. I’ve written that I’m looking for a long-term relationship; they’ve written that they’re looking for a short-term relationship, but they’re open to long-term.

All of this tells me that many of the guys on these apps aren’t swiping intentionally. They’re not checking my profile for compatibility, and they’re not that serious about finding “the one.” That’s why I was so excited to come across Keeper, an AI-assisted matchmaking service, earlier this month.

Their mission is to give everyone the opportunity to marry their soulmate, and they’re doing pretty well at that so far. About 1 in 10 Keeper first dates lead to marriage, compared to 1 in 10,000 on the most effective dating apps. Every match is vetted for long-term compatibility, and every member is ready for commitment.

Trying an AI Matchmaker

It’s clear to see that this app is different from the rest. Just finishing the onboarding process can take hours, so only the truly committed and intentional singletons make it through to the matchmaking stage.

I filled out all the usual questions you’d find on a dating app: age, height, profession, religion, desire for kids, etc. I was also asked about my preferences in a partner: what my dream guy would look like, what he might do in his spare time, what his hobbies would be, and where he would hang out.

And then came the more interesting questions, such as:

Imagine a wizard gives you an apple. If you eat the apple, you instantly become 10% more intelligent. But other people will also find you 50% less likable. Do you eat the apple?

Imagine your spouse is gravely ill. You discover a pharmacist with the only life-saving medication, but it’s far more expensive than you can afford. Without it, however, your spouse is certain to die. Do you break in and steal the medication?

Think of a vivid dream you can remember. Describe that dream just as you would to your partner the next morning.

Fascinating, right? I was curious what Keeper is learning about users through these questions and how the answers help their matchmaking process, so I reached out to Wes Myers, co-founder and COO of Keeper, to find out.

“In every case, we ask a lot of questions, and the idea is that every match is a little bit different. The things that make or break a match aren’t usually one big thing, but it’s just a lot of little tiny things that add up,” he says. “It does tell us something about the way you think, and it does give us an easy way to kind of spot alignment. If you steal the medicine from the pharmacist to save your spouse, that’s not going to tell me whether you’re going to marry someone or not. But it can be one thing that points in a certain direction that’s easy for our algorithm to understand, which could say these people are thinking on a similar wavelength if you are answering a lot of these questions consistently in the same way,” Myers continues.

One question that stood out to me was the nuclear war question. The app asks you to answer: In a certain light, wouldn’t nuclear war be kind of exciting? To me, this question was kind of wild, but it turns out how a person answers is a good predictor of compatibility.

Another element of Keeper that's different from the other apps out there is the number of questions in the onboarding stage. It genuinely took me hours to fill out rather than mere minutes. “That’s on purpose. We want people [who are] highly intentional and really serious about solving this problem,” says Myers. “We’re an app for marriage-minded people who are seeking a really serious, committed relationship. And the ethos is, well, if you’re not willing to sit down and do all this work to get that relationship, then we don’t want you.”

On apps like Tinder and Hinge, you can have a match in seconds, multiple, in fact. On Keeper, it’s a bit of a waiting game. It often takes months before users get a match. Personally, I’ve filled out all the questions, and now I’m here: 54 potential matches, but I can’t see any of them yet.

“Soulmates are a rare person. It’s like a one-in-a-million person, depending on who you are,” says Myers. “A lot of times, it is a bit of a waiting game. You can get on a dating app where there are lots and lots of people and no way to filter them. And you can go on tons of dates and a year later still be single, or you can join Keeper and still do those other things in parallel with it. And then when we do send you a match, it’s very likely to be the right match, the one you’re looking for.”

So, What Happened?

Although I’m still in the waiting stage of my AI matchmaking journey, Myers gave me a sneak peek at one of my potential matches.

“He’s a captain of a merchant vessel,” says Myers. “Your big five scores are pretty well aligned. You’re both moderately extroverted. He is six foot three, a handsome guy from what I can tell.”

Although I had lots in common with the potential match, such as interests in philosophy, cultural depth, and thoughtful discourse, there were a few key differences. I thrive on vibrant social scenes, concerts, and music festivals, whereas he prefers more solitary pursuits like bird-watching and fly-fishing. He’s also not a fan of big crowds. As there was a significant lifestyle gap between me and the match, as well as a few other incompatibilities, we decided he isn’t my soulmate. It was a good match, but not the best possible match for me. It definitely provides a lot of hope and excitement for future matches, though.

If you’re a single, marriage-minded woman looking for someone who's intentionally dating, I’d definitely recommend signing up for Keeper. Although you’ll receive fewer matches compared to other dating apps, the matches will be of much better quality. As long as you can be patient and are willing to take the time to fill out your form in as much detail as possible, it’s worth it to meet the love of your life. Technology may have contributed to a lot of the loneliness we’re currently experiencing in society, but it looks like it could also be the solution.