Covid has affected many love lives, good and (mostly) bad. But I don’t know anyone with worse love lives than my friends and general online following.
So, once again, I have gone around and asked many for their worst Covid romance stories and picked out my favorites (and by that, I mean the worst) for the lovely readers of Evie Magazine.
"She Started Getting Funny about My Star Sign"
“I don’t use this word lightly,” he tells me, “But this girl, this girl, was a sociopath.”
“Excellent.” I smile as he begins his story.
“I don’t know how many women you know who enjoy astrology and tarot cards, but this girl was into some heavy stuff, like, with the moon and everything. I thought it was a bit weird, but I ignored it.”
“Is this story Covid related?” I laugh.
“Yeah, don’t worry,” he reassures me. “So anyway, we were somewhat exclusive before the lockdown, not to the stage where I could justify staying with her during it, but enough where I couldn’t start anything up with someone else. One day, I’m just working from my laptop and minding my own business when she rings me. I’m happy to answer it, but I’m getting a weird vibe. I say, ‘Are you okay?’ and she says, ‘I’m fine.’ I speak to enough women to know she’s probably lying, so I’m like ‘C’mon, what’s wrong?’ to which she explains that I’d liked two pictures of a girl she follows on Instagram. I don’t personally think stuff like that is a massive deal, in all honesty. I think it’s a bit pathetic, they were two pictures posted on the same day, and I knew the girl, so I wasn’t thirsting on the timeline, they were just nice pictures.”
I’d liked two pictures of a girl she follows on Instagram – and she didn’t like that.
“So, then what happened?” I asked.
“Well,” he laughs, “she seemed like she was biting her tongue, so I, losing my patience a little, tell her to spit it out. She finally snaps, and at the end of her rant she goes ‘You’re such a Gemini.’ I think she’s joking, but next thing I know she hangs up.”
“Amazing,” I comment.
“This trend actually keeps going for a while. You won’t believe me when I tell you that she looked up the girl (the one whose picture I liked) on Facebook to find out her birthday and see our compatibility. THAT was how she wanted to calculate my risk of cheating on her, whether this girl and I had compatible star signs. I think Covid did too much to her head, she barely saw me and could only make a judgment on how our relationship was going based on my internet activity.”
“I’m telling you, Simone,” he snorts, “that’s the last time I date a Scorpio woman.”
I Realized the Importance of Space
“Promise me again that these are anonymous,” she laughs.
“Of course,” I tell her (taking notes).
“Right so, I had started seeing this guy before the first lockdown, and when I say I was madly in love with him, I mean, to a disgusting extent. We were that kiss in the rain couple, the ones that made everyone cringe and could never keep their eyes off each other. I was so happy. So, when the lockdown happened, we were basically living together. Awful as Covid was, the idea of me and him just constantly being in each other’s company constantly felt like a dream.”
“And I’ll take it that it wasn’t?” I ask.
“It was,” she says, “but that feeling burnt out a lot quicker than I expected. Next thing I know I’m getting ticked over the tiniest things, but he’s also growing lazier. And God, Simone, that man was always on that damn phone, I felt like I was going insane.”
I’m getting ticked over the tiniest things, but he’s also growing lazier.
“What was he doing on his phone?” I jibe.
“Not cheating,” she laughs, “though I was going stir crazy. I was convinced he was texting someone else; every time his phone buzzed, I got anxious. We spent so much time together, it only made sense he’d get bored of me. It put me on edge constantly; trying to maintain his attraction for me, whilst also wondering if I was still even attracted to him.”
“Without Covid, do you think you would’ve remained in this honeymoon phase?” I ask.
“I think most honeymoon phases die down eventually,” she explains, “but this sped up the process and made it harsher when it happened. It takes work to make a relationship work, but this one almost felt like I was doing too much. I couldn’t see my friends; I didn’t see my family. He became my world, whether I liked it or not. We only split up a few months ago. It was a very mutual understanding. When the lockdown ended our relationship didn’t magically go back to how it was, and we both knew this wasn’t going to last. I’ve been seeing someone recently; I’m taking this one slow; too much infatuation in the beginning never ends well.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I laugh.
I Entered a Disastrous Online Relationship
“Online dating has never been attractive to me,” he begins, “even apps like Hinge or Bumble where you tend to meet them in person fairly quickly. The idea of technology being the root of my love life has just always seemed a little tacky, I’d genuinely rather meet someone for the first time in a sticky nightclub rather than Instagram.”
“Oh, this should be good,” I giggle, wondering where this is about to go.
“Watch it,” he says and I quickly shut up.
“So, I was mildly active on Twitter,” he tells me, “I’d never used it that much, but the lockdown had rendered me bored out of my mind; I grew attached to the app quite quickly. It was a source for so many things: news, memes, videos, simple communication. I spent hours on it. One day, I start chatting with this girl. It was nothing romantic or flirty, but we have similar interests and come from similar backgrounds. Eventually, I spend my nights scrolling through her other social media, finding out more about–”
“Is this a Joe from You type story?” I intrude.
“No,” he assures me, “just a young man with a crush.” I, being me, continue to judge him silently.
“So eventually I start making my (online) move,” he begins again. “I follow her other socials, we send each other funny things throughout the day, and I grow quite fond of her. Eventually, we start ringing each other before bed, then we Facetime. It’s all quite sweet. It starts moving south quite quickly after that though. I still hadn’t met her, but she said I had to add her parents on Facebook – I found it all a little weird.”
I still hadn’t met her in person, but she said I had to add her parents on Facebook.
“She said, ‘If you want this to work out my parents have to like you,’ and I mean, hey, fair enough, but I still hadn’t met her, so the idea of suddenly having to add her parents on Facebook…was kind of weird. Fast forward a bit, for all intents and purposes, we’re dating. I’m still enjoying conversations with her, and we have a date set to meet.”
“One day I’m eating my lunch, and I get a message from her mother. I feel like I’m dying at this stage, but I respond. She starts a mild chat with me, then soon asks where I go to school. ‘School’ seems a bit odd, seeing as I’m in my second year of university, I tell her I go to –– and she stops replying for a while, clearly a little stumped. I grow a little agitated and message the girl to ask what’s going on. She reads it and leaves the message without a response, so I ring her instead. She answers after my second try and simply says ‘I’m really sorry’ as I try and figure out what’s going on. She hangs up quite abruptly, and I again start getting nervous.”
“I give it a day, and nothing more has happened. I can’t help myself because wondering is bringing me physical pain. I decided to respond to her mother again and ask if everything is all well… to which she explains to me the girl I’ve been talking to is not 19 (I’m 20) but 16.”
“WHAT?” I snort.
“Yeah,” he continues, “I was obviously crapping myself at this stage. Sure, 16 is legal in the UK, but would I ever date one? Absolutely not. One, I don’t think it’s mature enough… and two my friends would call me a nonce. Anyway, the mother doesn’t think I’m a weirdo and simply unfriends me and doesn’t contact me again. I blocked the girl on everything and made sure she had no way of contacting me. I obviously felt bad for her, but to lie to me like that, potentially getting me in trouble? Nope.”
I Gave His Mother Covid
“I’d like to clarify before I begin this that his mother is alive and well but giving your boyfriend’s mother a potentially fatal virus amid a pandemic is not the best way to make a first impression.”
“I think there are worse ways.” I joke.
“Maybe in your case, yes.” She retorts. I laugh through the pain as she begins.
“So, we’d been together for a while, shared a flat together, very content. I had only met his father at a dinner a few months before, he was very chirpy, nice guy. My boyfriend had met my mother already and seemed a little funny about me meeting his. ‘She’s a little neurotic,’ he’d tell me, but I wasn’t overly fussed. I was serious about him and wanted his family to like me. When things began to die down a bit, he said we should go to his family home for dinner. His family didn’t live far, but due to Covid, we had never visited. I agreed and was happy to go.”
“I have dinner there and his mother is nice, but, ugh, do you ever get the vibe someone dislikes you and is trying to play it off and thinks you can’t tell? It felt like that. Anyway, so we both go home that night, business as usual, but I wake up the next morning and feel like I’m coming down with something. I’m scared, not at the idea of having Covid, but the idea I might’ve passed it to his parents upon meeting his mother for the first time.”
She got over Covid quite quickly, but she never got over me giving it to her.
“He tries to play it off, but I can tell he’s nervous. He soon rings his mother, and even with the volume down I can hear her shouting at him. I just feel awful. Lucky for me, his parents aren’t that old, quite healthy, and get over Covid quite quickly, but did his mother ever get over me giving it to her? No, and I could see it in her eyes every time we met after that. I still stand by the fact it was an honest accident, but I don’t think that woman is ever going to like me. I was doomed from day one.”
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