How To Spot A Female Narcissist

When people think of a narcissist, they tend to think of a man. He's usually in a position of power, self-centered, obnoxious, manipulative, abusive, lacks empathy, and is downright toxic.

By Juliana Stewart3 min read
How To Spot A Female Narcissist

But what about a female narcissist? Everyone has worked with or knows a woman who is extremely bitchy and overbearing. Perhaps she's your co-worker, friend, sister, aunt, or even your mother. 

Most of the time, these women sail through life without ever being criticized for their bad behavior because people are too afraid to say anything. And rightly so. Female narcissists are expert liars and manipulators and can be just as cruel as their male counterparts. They have similar traits, but some distinct behaviors are more prone to her.

Here are the top signs that you may be dealing with a female narcissist and some practical ways to deal with her.

 1. She's an Attention Seeker

The number one thing a narcissist craves above all is attention and an excessive need for admiration. Whether she needs constant attention through social media, friends, family, or she's a power junkie – attention and admiration from others, especially from codependents, is what fuels her. Some psychologists call this narcissistic supply.

She's so desperate for attention that she may even act horribly just to get a rise out of you. You've heard the saying, "even negative attention is better than no attention," and this is how she thinks.

2. She Loves to Gossip 

A female narcissist loves drama, and one of the ways she creates this is through gossiping. 

Everyone enjoys gossip now and then, but the difference between a normal person compared to a narcissist is she's malicious with it. When women gossip, it's usually to vent or to share some harmless details, but a female narcissist does it to cause hurt and emotional pain. She may do this by spreading rumors about you, or she'll trash-talk you to destroy your reputation and relationships.

She's super catty and will pit people against you for no other reason than to cause drama.

She's super catty and will pit people against you for no other reason than to cause drama. If she feels threatened by you, she'll do whatever she can to tear you down. Not to your face, though, but behind your back, because she's a coward.

3. She’s Obsessed with Her Looks

Physical appearance is super important to a female narcissist. She is obsessed with her looks, making sure she's the perfect body size, wears the perfect clothes, and has perfect hair and makeup.

She uses her looks to be the center of attention and can become extremely jealous of other beautiful women, including her own daughter. She wants to feel like she's the most beautiful woman at all times.

4. She’s Hypersexual

She uses her sexuality to get what she wants from men. Whether it's flirting and leading a man on even if she's not interested or by hooking him in with sex, a female narcissist knows how to exploit a man through her sexuality.

5. She Loves to Shame

She lacks boundaries and gets a kick out of shaming you. She'll detect your vulnerabilities and will use them against you to lower your self-esteem.

Knocking someone down is her way of building herself up.

She may do this by bringing up past mistakes or deliberately asks you to do things out of your comfort zone. For example, if you're an introvert and shy, she'll force you to do public speaking to watch you squirm in front of a crowd. Knocking someone down is her way of building herself up, and this is how she justifies her bad behavior.

6. She's Always the Victim

She is always in some crisis, whether with her partner, friends, family, job, health, or money. She loves playing the victim in all these scenarios to gain sympathy. The way she sees it, when people evoke compassion for her, they're easier to manipulate.

She denies responsibility for any wrong-doings and depends on others to fix her problems rather than fixing them herself. She's like a child, basically.

7. She's Entitled

A female narcissist feels entitled to just about everything. She believes she's special, unique and that people owe her their attention, time, and resources. She'll do this by taking your belongings without asking, or invading your personal space, or by dictating how she thinks you should spend your time and resources.

She never returns favors unless it benefits her in some way. She lacks the ability to give or receive genuinely.

She believes she's special, unique and that people owe her their attention, time, and resources.

8. She’s a Bully

Finally, all these traits boil down to her being a bully, plain and simple. Anyone who is manipulative, controlling, domineering, demeaning, and takes pleasure in dragging you down is someone you shouldn't have in your life.

The psychological damage she leaves behind can be devastating and may not be reversible without the help of therapy and a willingness to want to break free from the abuse.

How To Disarm the Female Narcissist 

The simplest way to sum up a narcissist is they are takers. As mentioned, they want to take your attention, time, joy, esteem, or resources to build themselves up. This is how she gets her narcissistic supply, and she will try to get it through the path of least resistance.

So the best way to disarm her is to stop giving. That's it. Stop giving her your time and attention, stop giving her your resources, and stop entertaining her mind games. Block, delete, and move on.

The best way to disarm her is to stop giving.

But what if she's your boss or a relative that you can't avoid? Then work on establishing firm boundaries. For example, you could try limiting your time with her, moving to a different department, or looking for a new job. Limit your time with her as much as humanly possible. When she contacts you, appear uninterested or downright boring, so she stops engaging with you. Once she realizes she can't get narcissistic supply from you, she'll look for other victims to prey on.

Closing Thoughts

If you find yourself giving up your time, finances, hopes, dreams, and overall sense of self-worth to a person, it may indicate that you're involved with a narcissist. Take a step back and try to detach yourself from her as much as possible. Learn to create firm boundaries to protect yourself and work on building your self-esteem and identity again. When you empower yourself with self-respect and self-love, this leads you to happier and healthier relationships.

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