It can be hard to decide when the time is right for that first kiss in a new relationship, but the truth is that it’s less about a set time frame and more about how much you really know each other.
New relationships are fun and exciting, and also a little intimidating because of the lack of clarity. You’re trying to figure out where you stand, deciding who is going to take the initiative, and determining when you’re going to share that first special kiss. Kissing, although often made out to be a meaningless action, is actually a beautiful sign of intimacy, connection, and trust.
Kissing, although often made out to be a meaningless action, is actually a beautiful sign of intimacy, connection, and trust.
A deep and meaningful connection between two people represented by the shared physical connection of a kiss should be pursued not necessarily before or after a certain amount of time, but rather when the couple feels that their deepening knowledge of one another merits a physical representation of this growing affection.
More Than Physical
This is not to say that physicality is the only way to show that your affection for someone is growing. Nor is it to say that physical desires should be the ultimate catalyst for actions and the only way to represent deep sentiments towards another; quite the opposite.
Physical desires and attractions towards one another have their proper time, place, and purpose just as other feelings like hunger or anger do. We can choose whether or not to act on these feelings and require that our response to the tugs of both heart and body be guided by our mind.
Most physical affection, kissing included, has become the end all and be all of our society. Ironically, the elevation of the necessity for physicality seems to have resulted in a loss of appreciation for the meaning, significance, and beauty of that physical affection. Physical actions should be a sign of deeper meaning and significance, and a sign of a deep and knowledgeable love for another.
Physical actions should be a sign of deeper meaning and significance.
Although first kisses aren’t generally signs of true love, they are a sign that signals to the other person a growing connection and a deepening trust. With this deepening trust and connection comes a greater understanding about one another, and the time it takes for a couple to get to this point may be different for everyone. Some may hit it off right away and because of an immediately deep connection may feel as though they’ve known each other for a lifetime, while others may take weeks to build that trust and comfort between one another.
Setting hard and fast timelines for yourself and your relationships regarding how long to wait before sharing that first kiss may be an unrealistic expectation that causes strain in those already stressful beginning phases of relationships. Rather than putting yourselves into set confines, be mindful of how comfortable you are becoming with your new significant other.
The Desire To Be Fully Known
As human beings, one of our deepest desires is to be fully known by others and to be fully understood in particular by the one person whom we love the most. A first kiss is one of the initial steps a couple takes on a possibly lifelong journey of getting to know each another. When asking yourself whether or not the time is right for that special moment, consider how known you are by the other person, and how known they are to you.
When asking yourself whether or not the time is right for that special moment, consider how known you are by the other person, and how known they are to you.
It’s, of course, unrealistic to expect to have your whole future perfectly planned out before deciding to kiss someone, but there should be some element of meaning to your action. It should convey some depth, trust, and a certain level of concern for the good of the other person. This absolutely doesn’t mean that there can’t be some sparks and exciting emotions, but if those are the only reasons for a kiss, or a feeling of constraint because of a timeline, then maybe re-think your intentions for showing your affection in a physical way.
Although first kisses are known for being exciting and joyful, to some extent, there should be something more than just raw emotion driving your desire to express your affection physically. Instead of kissing to see whether or not you like someone, decide if you like someone to determine if you should kiss them.
Instead of kissing to see whether or not you like someone, decide if you like someone to determine if you should kiss them.
This may seem stupidly simple, but that’s kind of the point. Seek to understand each another, and let that knowledge and desire for the good of the other be what drives your decisions, rather than only relying on emotions.