So you're good-looking, wildly funny, and have a knack for planning fun dates… but are you husband material?
In the early days of a romance, we always get caught up in whether or not we like the same indie singers, or can laugh for hours together, or how many butterflies there are when we see each other. We tend to focus on the superficial parts of “getting along,” thinking it’s a sign that it’s meant to be every time we have another hobby in common, but eventually, it's time for the relationship to become more than just fun. You may love this girl enough to want to make her your wife, but are your ready for marriage? Or, as we like to say, are you "husband material?"
What does it even look like for a guy to be husband material? Here’s the thing: I love that my husband is equally obsessed with horror movies as I am, that we have the same Starbucks order, and that he’s so tall. But also, none of these qualities are what makes a man the one to marry.
While no one is born ready to jump into the (hopefully) lifelong commitment of marriage, challenging ourselves to become someone who’s worth marrying is a noble pursuit. So, how can a guy be, or work to become, husband material? What qualities does every man who’s marriage-worthy have?
1. You're Working Towards Something
We’ve all met this guy: he’s nice enough, maybe even makes us laugh, but he also doesn’t have any dreams. We’ve never seen him excitedly set goals and hustle and work every day to achieve them. He doesn’t seem to have a “why” – a reason to get up every morning. He’s a little too content working a dead-end, uninspiring gig.
A man who’s husband material is a dreamer and a doer.
A man who’s husband material is a dreamer and a doer. He knows his “why” and does something to make it happen. He’s diligent, ambitious, and hardworking. He has a clear vision for his life, ideals he won’t give up on, and is motivated to make it a reality.
2. She Can Always Count on You
My friend briefly dated this guy once – he was sweet, goofy, and loved a fun night out. But he was also constantly running late, forgot to call when he promised he would, and wouldn’t text her back for hours upon hours. He left her wondering if he was seeing someone else, jumping to crazy conclusions, and feeling alone in the relationship.
One of the most important ingredients for a husband? Dependability. He keeps promises, means it when he says he’ll show up, consistently shows his loyalty, and ensures his wife can count on him at every turn. He’s not one to leave her guessing, waiting, or wondering.
3. You're Not Afraid To Communicate
It’s an unfortunate reality that far too many men aren’t ever taught how to express what they’re feeling. They’re told to bottle it up, be a man, never cry, and shove it down. I’ve seen this firsthand countless times, and it always leaves their wife feeling totally disconnected, alone in her own emotions, and searching for someone else to lean on.
A husband understands that good communication fosters a healthy marriage.
But if a man wants to be husband material, figuring out how to sift through his emotions, have difficult discussions, and allow his wife to feel free to communicate openly with him is essential. A husband doesn’t see communication as weak, uncomfortable, or unnecessary, but instead understands that creating and maintaining lines of communication is the only way to foster a healthy marriage.
4. Put Your Wife and Family First
Most women have dated a guy who, although charming and full of good stories, always puts his desires above ours. It seems he never learned the power of compromise, the importance of showing consideration, or that (gasp) he can’t always do whatever he pleases. He’s the type to leave his sleep-deprived wife at home to wrangle the kids and get them to bed while he goes out with the guys for the third time this week.
Having a poker night here and there certainly isn’t unacceptable – but a man who’s husband material doesn’t continually put his desires above his wife’s. Instead, he prioritizes her needs, helping her feel heard and valued in the relationship.
5. Use Your Strength for Good
It’s not exactly a secret that the majority of men are physically stronger than most women, right? It’s distressing how many men use this advantage for selfish purposes, and how many women find themselves on-guard the moment they see a man much larger than themselves coming towards them as they walk home at night. While I love being a woman, I don’t love how easily overpowered I am.
It’s on the husband to provide his wife with security and to keep her out of harm’s way.
Any man who’s husband material knows his strength and chooses to use it for good – to protect, to defend, to selflessly offer safety. He understands that being stronger than his wife means it’s on him to provide her with security and to keep her out of harm’s way. He’d never take off running at the first sign of danger, leaving his wife trailing behind.
If you really want to get the girl, it's going to take more than a few bouquets of roses and opening the car door. A great wife deserves a great husband, so get started!
Click Here To Read Part I: How To Be "Wife Material."