Imagine this scenario: You’re on a date. You’re with an amazing guy who is handsome and a ton of fun. But you get home and you’re exhausted. You feel like you’ve been wearing a mask over your true personality for two hours.
Have you ever been there? A lot of the time, finding the right guy is about sending the right signals. It’s easy to attract the wrong person if you aren’t showing who you really are. So how do you attract the best man for you?
Lean into Your Traits: Extrovert vs. Introvert
When you first meet me, you might think I’m a totally extroverted person. I love meeting new people, I love big groups, I love hosting parties. But here’s the truth: I’m an extroverted introvert. In reality, I need some time to recharge after hanging out with new people. I don’t always want to take the lead when I’m at a party. I need alone time.
Well, for the first few years of my dating career, I leaned into my extroversion and could not understand why I was only attracting introverts. The guys who would ask me out were much more introverted than I am, and it just didn’t work. They wanted me to take the lead conversationally, something I don’t always love doing. They wanted me to encourage social interactions, but that’s not always my forte.
It wasn’t until I began embracing my introversion that I met my husband, who is maybe the most extroverted person on the planet! We balance each other out perfectly, and he takes the lead in the moments I’d like to relax and step back.
If you’re an introverted extrovert or the opposite, make sure that your true nature comes forward so that you attract the right person.
If you’re an introverted extrovert or the opposite, make sure that your true nature comes forward so that you attract the right person. Don’t lean into your introversion if you’re really extroverted, because you’ll end up attracting someone who is really extroverted too! A lot of the time (although not always) dating someone with the opposite trait from yourself will balance out your relationship.
Go on Dates You Actually Like
You meet a great guy. He asks for your number. He calls and asks you on a date. Where do you go? Don’t immediately agree to just anything he suggests. Make sure that you go places or do things you actually enjoy. If he’s constantly inviting you to go clubbing, for example, and that’s not your scene, maybe that will show you something about your compatibility.
Your personality shows when you’re choosing places to go on dates. If you constantly let him decide, he won’t know that you don’t like certain activities, and you’re not actually showing him the real you. Asking if he wants to go to a Paint Nite or see a movie (if those are things you enjoy) will show him the kind of girl you really are – and you’re not just tagging along.
If you constantly let him decide, he won’t know that you don’t like certain activities, and you’re not actually showing him the real you.
By giving him an idea early on about what you like doing, both of you will know pretty quickly if you enjoy doing similar things, or if you’re open to trying each other’s interests. But just going along when you’re not interested will guarantee that you aren’t attracting the best guy for you.
Be Clear about Your Physical Boundaries
One of the most important parts of attracting the right guy is being clear about what you want physically from the beginning, or else you can end up following his lead and making choices you otherwise wouldn’t have made. If you know how far you are comfortable going, then you’ll attract a guy who is in the same place as you are or, at least, is respectful of your boundaries.
If you know exactly what you want ahead of time and have practiced broaching the conversation beforehand, you won’t end up in a confusing situation.
When you are unclear about how far you plan on going physically, you may end up attracting a man who thinks you will go farther. If you know exactly what you want ahead of time and have practiced broaching the conversation beforehand, you won’t end up in a confusing situation. Instead, be clear and express your limits early on.
Physicality in relationships is always pretty difficult, especially if you are trying not to cross certain lines. One way that you can express how comfortable you are with being physical is in the way you dress; another is how much you touch him while you’re flirting; a third is how early you engage in physical behavior once you are dating. But in any case, as long as you are comfortable with your physical boundaries and are clear with him, you will attract a guy who falls in line with your standards.
Finding the right person is really hard. Sometimes you meet a guy who is objectively amazing, but doesn’t mesh with you at all. If you’ve ever watched a teen romance movie where the girl is chasing around the coolest guy in school only to realize that he was never the one she was meant to be with, you might know what I’m talking about. But sending out the right signals and being true to your personality will attract the right guy for you!
Abby Roth is the creator of Classically Abby, an opera, beauty, fashion, and lifestyle brand dedicated to looking at the world from a classic perspective. Abby is an opera singer with three degrees in operatic performance from USC and Manhattan School of Music. She has performed all over at companies including Opera Omaha, Opera Maine, and Aspen Music Festival. You can find her website at www.classicallyabby.com and follow her on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest at @ClassicallyAbby.