How I Healed My Eating Disorder Without SSRIs or Therapy

Eating disorders and body dysmorphia are no doubt common issues faced by women of all ages. Feeling and looking beautiful and being pleased with what we see in the mirror are essential to our self-esteem and confidence. While some may label this as vanity, beauty to a woman is like strength to a man. It is ingrained in our identity. According to the National Eating Disorders Association , nearly 31 million Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime, and 22% of children and adolescents worldwide exhibit disordered eating habits. Furthermore, eating disorders have the second-highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness, behind only opioid overdose. Eating disorders are not just about control or self-consciousness; they very well can be life-threatening illnesses. I know because I've been there before. Anorexia nervosa, defined by the restriction of calorie intake out of an intense fear of weight gain, body image distortion, or a need for control, is most prevalent among adolescent girls and young women. Conversely, bulimia nervosa is characterized by recurrent cycles of binge eating followed by purging or vomiting to rid the body of calories and prevent weight gain. The first-line treatment for such disorders is usually psychotherapy, meeting one-on-one with a psychologist to discuss a person's thoughts and feelings related to her body and to recognize and change distorted thoughts that lead to restrictive eating. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is often used, as this therapeutic approach focuses on changing negative thought patterns to modify behaviors for better eating habits and body image acceptance. Nearly 31 million Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime. In combination with therapy, many providers also suggest adding on antidepressants to treat eating disorders. This seems quite natural, as many people who have an eating disorder tend to also suffer from clinical depression and/or anxiety. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), a widely prescribed class of antidepressant medications, are often used to treat a plethora of mental health issues. These medications work by effectively blocking the brain's reabsorption (hence "reuptake") of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that plays a central role in regulating mood. As a result, more serotonin remains available between nerve cells, enhancing its signaling and ability to regulate a person's negative emotions. While SSRIs, most notably Prozac, can alleviate symptoms of perfectionism, anxiety, and extremely low self-esteem that lead to disordered eating, they offer limited benefit for anorexia, and the results are mixed for other types of eating disorders. With this information in mind, why are SSRIs still prescribed in addition to regular therapy? According to the DSM-5 (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition), eating disorders are classified as mental disorders, therefore requiring mental disorder treatment. I spent my teen years battling anorexia, and even with a combination of highly qualified therapists, psychologists, and SSRI prescriptions, it constantly seemed like an uphill battle with no clear end in sight. So I radically changed my approach, and I'd encourage our society to rethink traditional mental health care as it is. Less neuroscience, more nutrition science After doctor appointment after doctor appointment, medication change after change, nonstop talk about the science behind how SSRIs would help me, and occasional visits with a nutritionist, I realized that neither I nor my primary care team had ever taken the time to properly educate me on nutrition science. Why is eating important? Well, it's far beyond just staying alive and not feeling hungry. How does our body break down protein, sugar, carbohydrates, and fiber? How do different types of food nourish our body to help it harmoniously function? After years of therapy and scientific analysis, I was neglecting perhaps the most important tool for healing: knowledge and self-empowerment. I was neglecting perhaps the most important tool for healing: knowledge and self-empowerment. When I was at a dangerously low weight and battling my eating disorder, I was not fully educated on how a lack of sufficient nutrition could impact my health as a woman, rather than just as a "person." A woman's body and needs differ radically from those of men. Insufficient nutrients and disordered eating habits can wreck your fertility and menstrual cycle . As someone who never thought too much about women's health, I hardly connected the dots. But as I started doing my own research and learning more about the science behind why women need different types of nutrients, how our body fat composition differs from men's, and why certain diets such as intermittent fasting can wreak havoc on women's bodies, I slowly realized how critical it is to take care of and honor my body as a woman. Finding physical hobbies that brought me joy After dancing ballet for well over a decade, I found that despite how beautiful it was, it was indeed taxing. Ballet demands a much more rigid structure of physicality. While this rigidity is what gives ballet its classical elegance and timeless tradition, it no doubt also contributed to heightened self-esteem issues and body image dissatisfaction. I expanded my physical hobbies beyond ballet to include contemporary lyrical dance, tennis, horseback riding, and even rock climbing. Taking part in genuinely fun and exhilarating hobbies, especially ones that were not over-the-top competitive, led me to appreciate what my body is capable of and how valuable it is to care for myself to participate in fun and sociable activities. Instead of treating the reflection in the mirror as an enemy, I went out in the sun with no mirror in sight and realized that a healthy body is not just the ultimate tool to create beautiful ballet-perfect lines, but also to enjoy life beyond the studio. Whether that is onstage in a tutu, rappelling down a mountain, or galloping through the open fields, being strong and healthy is critical to our happiness. Letting go of obsessive vanity and perfection We all yearn to look and feel beautiful. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with such a desire, it was my obsession with perfection and endless amounts of staring into the mirror and blowing small insecurities into large, overwhelming fears that led to such a disordered mental state. Much of the early teenage years is spent slowly adjusting and easing into womanhood. While exciting, it no doubt can lead girls to feel overly self-conscious . Checking the mirror every few minutes, consistently thinking about whether my hair looked perfect, or spiraling every time a few annoying pimples emerged wasn't psychologically healthy. Not only was I scrutinizing every small imperfection, which is part of normal development, but I was also trying to control every outcome, whether my physical appearance or my need to be perfect in school or ballet practice. In many ways, letting go of obsessive vanity allowed me to simultaneously let go of my neuroticism and relinquish my anxiety-fueled need for total control. Learning to bake fun recipes and cook When I was suffering from an eating disorder, I rarely cooked, let alone baked. It seemed daunting, too complicated, and not much fun either. But when I started baking with friends and realizing the fun in it, especially when it came to decorating, it brought me closer to how food is meant to be enjoyed. Soon enough, in high school during COVID-19 and later on in college, I mastered several nutritious recipes and found it very therapeutic. Repeated mastery of a set of new skills gives us a sense of profound satisfaction and confidence. For me, creating (rather than endlessly consuming , whether it was doomscrolling on social media or endless self-comparisons that fueled both my vanity and self-criticism) became one of the most powerful antidotes to combat my eating disorder. Cooking empowered me to redirect my energy toward something tangible, fulfilling, and creative. As I gained confidence in the kitchen, cooking transformed from a mundane daily chore into both a creative outlet and a meaningful way to connect with others. Creating, rather than endlessly consuming, became one of the most powerful antidotes to combat my eating disorder. By learning to cook, I also furthered my knowledge of what it truly means to eat a nutrient-dense diet, not just "healthy." For years, I had been prescribed Ensure milkshakes to help with weight gain. These high-calorie, over-the-counter milkshakes not only tasted horrible but also, I learned, contained controversial ingredients such as added artificial sugars, corn maltodextrin, and inflammatory oils. Cutting out these drinks and medications allowed me to take a more holistic approach to healing. Learning and utilizing real, nutrient-dense ingredients backed by nutrition science allowed me to feel not only stronger but also more informed and empowered. Sometimes the path to recovery from eating disorders lies in traditional treatment plans and medications. But sometimes, it means stepping outside the box: empowering yourself through knowledge, embracing new experiences, and rediscovering the joy that comes from living fully. True recovery isn't simply about eating again and getting to a healthy weight; it's also about learning how to truly live a life of whimsy and joy again. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline (866-662-1235) is staffed by licensed therapists, Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. ET.