How Do You Know If A Guy Is Interested In You? I Asked My Guy Friends—Here’s What They Said

Men. We think we understand them and can magically read their minds, but so often our overconfident judgment fails us. “Was he really not that into me? Everything seemed to be going great!” You might find yourself wondering this after spending time with a guy, only for him to either subtly (or not-so-subtly) push you into the friend-zone or just totally ghost you. If there’s any proof – beyond the multitude of internal and external physical characteristics – that men and women are very different from one another, it’s found in how we approach interpersonal relationships and dating. But don’t throw in the towel just yet! In order to better understand how men express their interest in a girl, I chatted with my guy friends about how they typically drop hints, and, interestingly enough, there are scientific reasons why they court the way they do. What’s Up with Flirting Anyway? Flirting is considered to be a key component of intimacy and essential for human interaction. While some people might flirt to build up their own self-esteem or to accomplish a goal (like getting someone to buy them a drink or front the cost of an entire meal ), humans tend to flirt with the primary goal of finding a partner and then (hopefully) mating with them. These evolutionary behaviors are seen across many species – like ours – which have high female parental investment, meaning that males signal to females that they can produce and defend so that females choose mates of the highest quality. Additionally, human ethologist Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt, a scientist who studies human behavior in relation to formation and evolution, found that typical flirtatious gestures like “coy giggles” or quick looks are consistent across many cultures, whether the person was from Polynesia, Poland, or pastoral Africa. We’re built to flirt. But if that’s the case, then why can it often seem so hard to understand a man’s body language or recognize that the words which come out of his mouth are him expressing his interest in courting you? Let’s clear the air and hear from a few guys directly on how they accidentally or intentionally show a woman they’re interested in her. They Accidentally Make You Their World Something I found consistent across all the guys I spoke to (except for one who must just be a bit shy) is that men tend to unintentionally make you the center of their attention when they’re crushing. According to one guy, he finds himself subconsciously being around the girl he’s interested in and will insert himself into conversations she’s already having. Another one of the guys echoed this sentiment by admitting that he’ll interact too much with the girl on social media. I’d still probably recommend that you don’t respond to the unsolicited DMs from thirsty, foreign princes , but if a guy is liking your posts, reacting to them, or regularly commenting, he’s probably got you on his mind! “I find myself staring a lot,” said one of the men. This actually checks out as unintentional romantic body language where a man will get in sync with your movements and might not even blink as frequently, according to body language experts . Romantic body language includes blinking less and shifting their body posture toward you. Another way that men get in sync with your movements is by shifting their body posture toward you. “I notice that if I’m into a girl, and in a group conversation, I will naturally face my body towards her even if my face is turned to someone else speaking. It’s almost like I’m positioning myself to be ready to quickly face her again as soon as she speaks,” one guy told me. One of the guys shared that he makes attempts to be funny when he’s interacting with a girl he likes. Interestingly enough, psychologists have confirmed that humor as a flirting technique is actually the most successful way to court a woman looking for a long-term relationship. From dad jokes to situational humor, a man who is interested in you might lean into his humorous side to win you over, whether he realizes it or not. They Intentionally Linger in Interactions We know that people tend to express their feelings through different love languages. You might value “Quality Time” the most, but what I’ve learned from my guy friends is that they tend to express their interest in a girl through things like “Words of Affirmation,” “Acts of Service,” or “Gifts.” “I attempt to help with things she’s doing, like give her rides, pay for her food, or carry things,” said one of the guys when asked how he purposefully drops hints. This same mentality tracked with the other guys who shared that their intentional communication looks like prolonged eye contact, smiling, and replying to social media posts as often as possible. Another sign that a guy might like you is if he’s minimizing his interruptions or distractions by putting away his phone or not interjecting while you talk, and body language experts have actually backed this up. “Listening to her when she’s having a bad day is also a good way to win brownie points,” admitted one of the men. Another guy confirmed this sentiment, stating that “the secret is that no guy is too busy if he likes you enough.” If a guy finds you attractive but doesn’t know you well, don’t get too nervous if he starts asking you a bunch of questions. He’s not trying to grill you, he’s trying to understand your brain and see where you two can connect. “I will often ask her a lot about herself. What she does for fun, her job and/or school, things like that. Based on her answers, I will connect with her on something she says. She was a business major? Same here. She likes dogs? Come meet my Labrador,” said one of the guys. They Think It’s Pretty Cringe-Worthy When Other Guys… According to my guy friends, subtly and style are key. Whether they’re watching a guy from across the bar try to unsuccessfully hit on a girl or watching their own best buddies try to hit it off with a female friend, guys take note of what works and what certainly doesn’t. “It depends on the approach and seriousness. Some dudes hit on girls they stand no chance with just to shoot their shot. Usually, it’s funny and half-serious, more like a ‘yo, bro, go do it!’ moment, but if a guy is seriously trying to drop hints, it can be cringe,” one of the guys shared. To him, he feels like no one properly teaches a guy how to court or approach a woman, so when they try, it can come off as cringe-worthy. Does this mean we need to bring back finishing schools and etiquette classes? Charm schools might be making a comeback , but only time can tell. Nothing makes him cringe more than when a guy follows a girl around the whole night. Other behaviors which the guys identified as clear, but cringey, ways that other guys try to drop hints are things like over-the-top compliments, buying them unsolicited drinks (“Yikes…just be yourself!” said one of the guys about drinks), and incessantly posting and tagging her in group pictures on social media for social connection. One thing that took me by surprise was that one of the guys thought that making moves while in large groups is a red flag behavior. From what I’ve always been told, when a guy lets you into his inner circle, that signals he wants a deeper relationship with you since he’d otherwise not want to waste time having you meet friends or family. But what he was really referring to is when a guy goes all-in on PDA at bad times. Another guy felt similarly, sharing that nothing makes him cringe more than when a guy follows a girl around the whole night: “It makes him look needy and like he can’t find anyone else to talk to and is bad socially. Girls don’t like when guys do this because 1) They don’t want to be followed around all night, and 2) She wants to see that other people are interested in you too. If no one else wants to talk to you, why would she?” A healthy dose of affection in public is a win-win for the girl who wants courting and for the guy who’s pursuing her heart, but some men either assume that means extreme displays of affection, while others feel too worried to display any at all. As mentioned before, some men feel insufficiently prepared to flirt with a woman because traditional etiquette and courtship are considered a relic of the past. Additionally, other guys might err on the side of caution because of the #MeToo movement , where they risk being canceled for coming on too strong to a woman. Closing Thoughts No matter if it’s taught intentionally in a finishing school or learned by example from a male role model, men have always flirted as a way to court a woman, and the typical ways they drop hints are pretty universal. Proper, subtle displays of affection can draw us in and help us bond with one another even when thoughts and feelings aren’t being properly communicated through words alone. Don’t miss anything! Sign up for our weekly newsletter and get curated content weekly!