What does it really mean when a man says he’s “busy”?
So, you went on a date with a guy, but he doesn’t call back until several weeks after. Or maybe you’ve been dating for a good few months, but you hardly see him because he’s always too busy. Or perhaps you’re not even sure where you stand because he ghosts you, but now and again he magically reappears.
Whether you’re 20 or 40, it can happen to the best of us. It’s annoying, it messes with your head, and it hurts. But why does it happen?
Is He Really Too Busy?
What does it really mean when he tells you he is “busy”? Is he being polite to spare your feelings, or is he genuinely too busy to call, text, or make plans with you?
The truth is, we’re all busy. Life is hectic, and we all have things going on. We’re busy with our jobs, with family and friends, and with everything else that gets thrown at us.
We also have the same 24 hours in a day, and what we prioritize determines how we spend the majority of our time. It doesn’t matter if you spend most of your time at work, at home, or wasting hours trawling social media — how you spend your time says a lot about what you value the most.
A man can be too busy to get in touch with you, but the truth is, if he wanted to, then he'd make an effort.
So yes, a man can be too busy to get in touch with you, but the truth is, if he wanted to, then he'd make an effort, wouldn’t he?
Let’s be honest, it takes zero effort to send someone a message, and you’re supposed to give the people you like your attention! You message friends, colleagues, and even randoms on social media every day, don’t you?
The bottom line is: if he’s not making any effort at the start of the relationship, then what will he be like in the future? I know it’s not the answer you want to hear, but it’s the plain truth.
Is There Any Hope?
If you’re hoping your situation is the exception rather than the rule, there might be one or two extremely rare occasions where a man might be genuinely too busy.
His career goals require him to be laser-focused. Meaning, he’s on a mission and needs to block out all distractions to get things done. He has to work extremely hard and put in extra hours to get ahead.
He’s dealing with family problems (e.g. parents are going through a divorce, or there’s bereavement, etc.). His family consumes all of his time, or he needs some alone time to grieve.
If a man truly cares about you, then he will let you know what he’s going through.
Even in these extreme cases, if a man truly cares about you, then he will let you know what he’s going through so you’re not left in the dark. He makes you feel safe and reassured that he hasn’t forgotten about you. He’s the complete opposite of the man who is flaky, inconsistent, and makes you feel anxious about where you stand.
Men and Women Are Different
Men and women are not the same when it comes to staying in touch with the opposite sex. Sure, you might frequently text in the very beginning, but over time this can fizzle out as the nature of the relationship changes.
Generally speaking, most men don’t need to have constant chit-chat on the go like women do, so it’s good to be aware there may be a difference in emotional needs at play. Don’t assume you automatically need the same amount of attention.
If he’s not making any effort at the start of the relationship, then what will he be like in the future?
However, if a new man hardly texts, calls, or makes plans with you, it’s usually a bad sign and an indication of where he prioritizes you in his life.
It’s important to figure out what you need from the relationship to make you feel appreciated. Communicate this with him and if he fails to respond, then it's likely that a) he’s just not that into you, or b) he’s genuinely too busy to give you the time and attention you need (i.e. he has no time for a relationship).
Set yourself strong boundaries and don’t get sucked into accepting crumbs from a man, when deep down you know you want the five-course banquet.
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