Guardian Writer Compares Early Motherhood To Unpleasant Sexual Encounters: "I Tried To Make Myself Into An Object"

There's a growing body of online content featuring women who make motherhood sound oppressive, but a recent writer for The Guardian took it a step further and claimed that being a mom has felt like a violation of her body, very similar to sexual encounters she wasn't pleased with.

By Gina Florio3 min read
Pexels/ Monica Turlui

You'll often find women online complaining about how terrible motherhood is. This has actually become a trend on social media, where influencers will record videos of themselves crying about how much they hate motherhood, and how it's okay to hate it because it can be really hard sometimes. You can easily find TikToks of women crying on camera and talking about how much motherhood has ruined their life – and the comment section is usually full of supporting comments from other women who also despise motherhood.

In a society where we're below the birth replacement rate and nearly half of women between 25 and 44 will be single and childless by 2030, this can be depressing to witness because the data shows time and time again that married mothers are generally happier (and healthier) than women who choose to avoid marriage and marriage altogether. But our culture still largely encourages women to shirk the traditional structure of marriage because they claim it only brings despair and disappointment. The latest from The Guardian (a known feminist rag that routinely posts content supporting trans-identified men infiltrating women's spaces) reveals a mother who somehow finds a way to compare motherhood to unwanted sexual encounters.

Guardian Writer Compares Early Motherhood to Unpleasant Sexual Encounters

In an article called "When I became a mother, I lost my body – and realized it never belonged to me," Amanda Montei writes about how she has lost autonomy over her body due to motherhood. She says motherhood was "triggering" for her from early on. Although Montei writes about some experiences that are quite common and universal to mothers everywhere, like the struggles of breastfeeding and your little one following you around wherever you go, the way she responds to it feels anything but normal and healthy. When her daughter started to walk, she started to follow Montei around the house and watch her get dressed. Montei somehow compared this to men checking her out.

"I could not help but recall the faces of men who had, at various points in my life, scrutinized my body with approval or reproach," she wrote.

What a strange comparison, to say the least. When a young toddler looks at her mother's body, the last thing she is thinking is something sexual or judgmental. She's simply being a baby who is observing and soaking in everything about the person she loves most and relies on.

Montei writes about how she has lost autonomy over her body due to motherhood.

Montei writes about how she was "silenced" by boys in her adolescence, and they taught her how "to please them." She says she was confused about what she really wanted and how to ask for it in sexual situations. "Nausea, discomfort and pain, I thought, were part of being wanted, of sex, of becoming a woman. I became conscious that my body did not belong only to me," she wrote. She said she was simply a "someday-vessel for reproduction." After the #MeToo movement took hold of society, she remembered parts of her early sexual life, "nights that had left me feeling ashamed and used, seeing them in an entirely different light."

Sadly, there are many women who can identify with these experiences, but somehow, Montei goes off on a tangent about how this compares to giving birth and raising children. "When I got home at the end of a long day working at the daycare, I let my daughter have her way with me," she wrote. Odd choice of wording. She wrote about how tired she was as her daughter pretended to put her to sleep, patting her on the back and shushing her, as if Montei were a little doll; it was a fun game that her daughter enjoyed. Montei played along, only halfway awake.

"I called on old coping mechanisms," Montei wrote. "In my 20s, I had learned methods for dissociating: I studied corners of the room while men got themselves off inside me; I listened to their heavy breathing, calculating how much longer, moaning here and there to help them along, moving my hips methodically or going limp. I had cleaved myself from my body long ago. This was nothing new."

At this point, you want to just give up reading the whole thing. What kind of sick mind compares a toddler's bedtime game to an unwanted sexual encounter with a man? Montei quotes a feminist theorist who said most of women's sexual experiences with men "are spent in calculations." It's downright gross to even think that this would compare to an innocent game that your daughter wants to play with you at night when you're tired from a long day.

She says motherhood was "triggering" for her.

"Motherhood was filled with an agonizing sense of calculation: of waiting, of pushing my body to the brink of what it could take, of counting down the minutes, and of doing things I did not want to do, repeatedly," she wrote.

In a way, there are many mothers out there who can identify with Montei's struggle. There are many times in motherhood (especially the early years) when you are pushed to your limit and you simply have nothing left to give. You push yourself to the limit during birth, and postpartum takes every last ounce of energy out of you. Then, the toddler phase tests your patience. Your children demand everything from you; all the while, you're sleep deprived and you're wondering how you'll make it to the end.

If Montei had simply written about how these universal struggles in motherhood sometimes make her feel alone or hopeless, she would have likely had support from other moms going through difficult times. But she instead chose to compare motherhood to having uncomfortable sex with men, as if motherhood is an unnatural violation that results in trauma. "This is why people hate feminism," commentator and podcast host Matt Walsh wrote on X.

This is exactly why so many people are fed up with the feminist nonsense. Montei claims that the demands of motherhood made her feel like her body was stolen from her in the same way that a woman feels taken advantage of during sex. To even compare these two highlights a mental sickness that can only be present in feminism.

Nobody is claiming that motherhood is easy. In fact, it's really hard, and it can kick your butt sometimes, to the point of tears. But just because something is hard and it tests your limits does not mean that it's inherently bad or that it's similar to sexual violation at the hands of a man. Montei has it wrong about motherhood – it does not use your body the same way a selfish or violent man does. Motherhood sure does ask for a lot, but it doesn't belong anywhere near the category of unwanted sexual encounters. Motherhood doesn't objectify you. In fact, it's the most humanizing experience you can ever have in your life because it connects you to a precious baby who relies on you for care, love, and nourishment.

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