“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” - Albert Einstein
So you keep dating the same guy over and over. Maybe he's the bad boy, or maybe he's the musician, or maybe he's the unavailable guy. You don't know why, but there's just something about them that keeps you going back for more. They're your type.
You never really noticed the pattern until your friends pointed it out. Now, when you look back on your past relationships, you see it. It's clear — the obsession, heartaches, and frustration. And yes, they all kind of look the same. You realize you're stuck in a cycle and want to break free, but you don't know where to start. Now with a bit of awareness, you can see how you've been banging your head against the wall, trying to make it work with these guys.
At the end of the day, finding the right relationship is all about YOU.
At the end of the day, finding the right relationship is all about YOU. If you want to move forward with your life and quit the pattern, ask yourself these 5 questions.
1. If you keep attracting the same type of guy, what does that say about YOU?
Let's say the bad boy is your type for the sake of this article. Everyone knows bad boys are no good, so what does that say about you?
Sure he's good looking, exciting and mysterious, and has a seductive swag, but he's trouble. You know how the story goes — once he's had his fun, he disappears and leaves the woman high and dry. This hurts, and most women learn the lesson pretty quickly, but if you keep going back for more of this kind of treatment, what does that say about you?
2. What is it about YOU that gets this kind of reaction?
Why do you attract the bad boy in the first place? Is it the way you dress, is it the places you hang out at, or is it a boundary issue?
We all know the power a bad boy can hold over us, but is it so strong that it makes women lose all agency? If that's you, then why?
3. What is it about YOU that allows this behavior?
You know he's bad news and it's frustrating, but what is it about you that allows you to keep feeling this way? Why do you pine over men who clearly don't love you back?
Is it a self-worth issue, or do you just not know any better? Many women were never taught how to choose a good man, so sometimes it's not entirely their fault they end up with the wrong type of man.
When a woman understands her true worth, she doesn't settle for poor treatment from anyone.
But if it's a self-worth issue, then maybe you need a bit of time on your own to nourish your self-esteem and start rebuilding your confidence? When a woman understands her true worth, she doesn't settle for poor treatment from anyone.
4. Why do these issues keep popping up in YOUR life?
This is where you go a little deeper. Why do you think these men keep popping up?
Is it familiarity? For example, was there a lot of chaos and drama growing up in your family? Do you think this behavior and the rollercoaster of emotions that come with it is normal? Or are you still carrying a bit of heartache from "the one that got away," and you're unconsciously trying to recapture that moment in another person?
If you're unsure, grab a pen and notepad and start journaling to see what comes up. Give yourself the time to honor your thoughts and feelings instead of numbing them out. Journaling is a healthy and safe way to work through any underlying emotions or obscure problems. It can really help you get to the core of what is truly going on in your heart.
5. What are YOU going to do about it?
Are you going to take a few months off from dating to do a bit of self-reflection and heal from any hurt, or are you going to break the pattern by dating someone completely different such as the good, strong, masculine man?
How many times are you going to let yourself be hurt again?
If the latter seems scary, ask yourself this: How many times are you going to let yourself be hurt again? How much more time are you going to waste?
Breaking a bad habit is tough, but you can do it. You're a lot more powerful than you realize. Every woman deserves to be loved, cherished, and treated with respect by a man, so give other guys a chance. You never know, you might just like the good guy.