Erika Kirk's Powerful Message To Married Couples

But one type of content that is filling up every corner of the internet is the disenchanted wife who constantly complains about all the success her husband is having in his job while she stays home and takes care of the kids, cleans, cooks, does the laundry, and stays up at night with the baby. She is angry that he is receiving the accolades at the office while she is covered in spit-up, sleep deprived and cooped up in the house.

I stumbled across the perfect example of this display on X, when someone shared a screenshot of a woman lamenting about the fact that men are recognized for their hard work while the wives are left behind in the dust. 

“I love when men say the key to their success is just hard work,” she wrote sarcastically. “Like yeah, the hard work of his WIFE who made it possible for him to succeed by managing the kids, the home and every other little detail so he could become successful.” 

The first thought in my mind when I read this was, why are you so upset at your husband’s success, as if his success is not your own? Unfortunately, this mindset is all too common, and there are many accounts that lament about how unfair it is that the husband usually enjoys all the professional success while the wife is at home doing “unpaid labor.” 

The popular Instagram account @momlife_comics has an image pinned to the top of her page, showing two men relaxing on their back and claiming that it only took hard work to get to the top of the world. Underground, there were multiple women holding up buildings on their back with the words “unpaid labor” looming under their feet.  

Women often complain about the mental load—the so-called invisible labor of remembering doctor’s appointments, planning meals, organizing family schedules, and anticipating the needs of children. While these tasks may seem small individually, feminists claim that they add up to a constant state of responsibility that men frequently underestimate or apparently ignore. This ongoing mental strain is emotionally draining, contributing to feelings of burnout and dissatisfaction in marriage. 

It is no wonder why so many marriages end in divorce. This modern feminist ideology inherently separates a husband’s mission from the wife’s, resulting in a deep divide and separation between the two, which results in each person keeping score and tabs on what the other person does, because the new goal is “equality.” We have resorted to using demeaning terms like “unpaid labor” to refer to the work that wives and mothers do at home because monetary value is the only way that our modern, materialistic society can make sense of the roles in a marriage and a family. We are incapable of seeing a marriage as something harmonious; something that brings a man and woman together as one; something that transcends the materialistic, societal labels of what is deemed notable or dignified. That’s why we see so many wives on social media publicly complain about the lack of work their husband does at home before and after their 9-5 job, constantly demanding that they “clock in” the same amount of hours in order for the marriage to be fulfilling and rewarding. 

Modern feminist ideology inherently separates a husband’s mission from the wife’s, resulting in a deep divide and separation between the two.

Yet here comes Erika Kirk, the widow of political powerhouse Charlie Kirk, who was brutally assassinated just days ago. At his memorial service in Arizona, a nearly 10-hour event that included multiple speakers, including President Donald Trump and Vice President JD Vance, Erika stood at the podium for 30 minutes to deliver a moving tribute to her late husband. She talked about how they kept their marriage so strong during all the times when Charlie was on the road, away from home and their children. She said she did her best to never make him feel bad that he was working or traveling such long hours, and that home was always here and waiting for him whenever he came back. She also said Charlie would write her a love letter every Saturday and end every one with the same question: “how can I better serve you as a husband?”

Then she issued a challenge to men that Charlie had spoken about many times in his triumphant career: be the kind of leader that is worth following. In the Christian tradition, husbands are called to lay down their life for their wives the way that Christ lay down His life for the Church. But even if you are not Christian, this message can be shared just as impactfully: love and cherish your wife, and remember that she is your confidant, your helper, and not your slave.

“Your wife is not your employee. Your wife is not your slave. She is your helper. You are not rivals,” Erika said. “You are one flesh. Working together for the glory of God.” 

The words “you are not rivals” particularly spoke to me as I listened to her. This message is more relevant than ever in a time when wives and husbands are pitted against each other at every turn—on social media, in TV and movies, in the media. The world tells us that we need to keep tabs on everything we do as wives, constantly pushing our husbands to do more at home so that our to-do lists are perfectly balanced and equal. We are told that it is unfair that our husbands have professional success while we cook, clean, and raise children, if that’s what we choose to do.

But Erika’s powerful message for married couples everywhere completely rises above the reductive postmodern narrative. The sanctity of marriage brings together a man and a wife as one flesh, one purpose, and one mission. Rather than keeping score on who does more, we are called to serve one another and support one another. Not tear each other down because we are jealous of the other’s success. 

“I was Charlie's confidant. I was his vault. His closest and most trusted advisor. His best friend,” Erika shared. “I poured into him and loved him so deeply. Empowered him because his love for me drove me to be a better wife. Every day he honored me. And I prayed that I could be the wife that God needed me to be for my husband.”

Having this window into Erika and Charlie’s love is a breath of fresh air because it shows us that the mainstream way to think about love and marriage is sterile, cold, and lifeless. How insulting to refer to a wife’s duties at home as nothing more than “unpaid labor,” as if what we do for our husbands and families isn’t priceless. How degrading to view a wife and mother’s role in the home as something that is less important than a man’s office job. How humiliating to sneer at a husband’s success because you aren’t being recognized in the same exact capacity.

“There was no keeping score between us. We were a team working together for the same mission.” - Erika Kirk

Of course it’s a two-way street, and a truly successful marriage is one where both people adopt the same selfless mindset. “There was no keeping score between us. We were a team working together for the same mission,” Erika recalled. If only all women, especially wives, would listen to her message, regardless of one’s political leanings, it would be easy to see that the kind of marriage that moves mountains is not one that is rooted in modern feminist ideology, which is dripping in disdain and resent. “We are becoming the men we wanted to marry,” Gloria Steinem once famously said. Does that sound inspiring to you? To me, it sounds incredibly divisive. I would much rather live in a society where Erika and Charlie’s philosophy on marriage is the dominant one.

No marriage is perfect because no human is perfect, but there is no denying that sharing the same mission and choosing your spouse above everyone else is a recipe for deep love that lasts a lifetime, even if death prematurely separates you. Erika Kirk showed us all that even a grieving widow can have a healthy grip on marriage and love—and we would all be crazy if we didn’t find something meaningful in her message, something that we can all apply to ourselves and our marriage.