Emily Ratajkowski And Melissa Febos Rediscover Why Celibacy Is Powerful For Women

Both women have built careers that center, in different ways, on female sexuality and self-expression. Febos, the author of memoirs like Whip Smart and Girlhood, has long examined the tensions between desire, performance, and autonomy. Febos embarked on a year of voluntary celibacy following a series of intense and toxic relationships. This period of abstention allowed her to reassess her dependence on romantic and sexual attention.

Similarly, Emily Ratajkowski, a model and cultural commentator, relocated to Brooklyn to escape the relentless scrutiny of paparazzi. This move facilitated a self-described quieter, less performative lifestyle away from the public eye.

Their exchange for Interview is about a different kind of freedom that's gaining traction among women, one that comes not from sexual indulgence, but from saying “no.”

The Language of Withholding vs. Celibacy

Both women noted how the word “celibacy” can feel dry or moralistic to them. Febos prefers the term “withholding." "I like the word withholding rather than celibacy," she explains. "I was withholding that energy and not spending it in those very familiar places and bankrupting myself…pretty quickly it felt like, ‘Oh, I get to keep all of this.’”

Ratajkowski connected that idea to abundance. “I guess translate it to abundance,” she said, recognizing how withholding can create space for other kinds of intimacy and creativity.

Maybe for women used to the endless hustle of modern life, where every bit of your energy can feel like it’s up for grabs, this could be a provocative reminder: what if true abundance isn’t in constant output and availability, but in what you choose to hold back and keep sacred?

Addiction, Indulgence, and the Myth of “More”

Ratajkowski noted that indulgence is a huge part of today’s zeitgeist—“Get that one more drink, girl! Buy that thing!”—and wondered how Febos’s approach fits into that environment. Febos drew a parallel to her own experiences with sobriety.

“It was also my experience with sobriety where I thought, ‘Oh no, I’m going to give up drinks and alcohol and then I’ll never be able to laugh again,’" Febos explained. "And it was exactly the opposite…I had so much more fun…I don’t look at my pattern in love and sex through the rubric of addiction, but it did really share that thing where it felt like, ‘Oh, I’m going to have less.’ And then actually I had so much more.”

Their conversation framed withholding as a form of self-protection and an antidote to the cycle of validation-seeking. So much of modern culture tells people that empowerment is found in excess, whether it’s in sex, consumption, or social media validation, but Febos’s words suggest that these cycles can start to look a lot like addiction: the more you chase, the more you need, and the emptier you feel.

Belonging, Desire, and Desperation

Ratajkowski also touched on the idea of desperation in relationships, how it can feel like you need to “have” someone to feel whole. Febos agreed: “That was really, really deep for me."

This speaks to something many women have likely seen or felt: the way desperation for love can hide a deeper spiritual longing, something that can’t be filled by another person. When faith and meaningful relationships and rituals are stripped away, that search for belonging can become even more consuming, leading to choices that leave us more frenzied than fulfilled.

For Ratajkowski, who’s spoken often about living her life in a constant state of performance, the conversation was a chance to acknowledge that stepping away from performing, for attention, validation, or even just belonging, can be a radical act of self-respect.

A Possible Shift Away from Hookup Culture

Taken together, these reflections suggest that for some women, there’s a growing disillusionment with the promises of endless casual sex. Withholding, as Febos and Ratajkowski discuss, can feel like a reclaiming of agency in a world that demands constant performance and sexual availability.

And in that shift, there’s perhaps a quiet rebellion against the idea that “more” always means “better," and more people are reconsidering the stories we’re told about sex and power. Maybe the deeper fulfillment these women are craving doesn’t come from more hookups, more validation, and more attention, but from learning to protect what’s most precious and to give it only where it’s truly deserved.

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